{"id":1760,"date":"2010-12-13T09:27:26","date_gmt":"2010-12-13T16:27:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=1760"},"modified":"2025-11-02T21:40:22","modified_gmt":"2025-11-03T04:40:22","slug":"why-the-lie-damages-the-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=1760","title":{"rendered":"Why the lie damages the relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"

So I was talking to a friend who was explaining how catching her bf in a lie made her so made.\u00a0 She used the standard, “It’s not what he did, its the fact he lied.\u00a0 How can I trust him now?”<\/strong> But she also kept excusing the action and focusing on the lie.\u00a0 Which every woman does, blaming broken trust as the reason for her future actions.\u00a0 Yet I knew there was more to it.\u00a0 Broken trust is a problem and valid.. but I just felt there was more to it.\u00a0 After all “Broken Trust” is really a pretty damn vague term!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Then it hit me the best way to describe it.\u00a0 So I told her (and the other woman listening, lol.\u00a0 Don’t I always attract an audience!)<\/strong><\/p>\n

You have this ideal in your heart and head of who your man is.\u00a0 Like a bunch of balloons filled with helium.\u00a0 When he lies or cheats or does something hard to forgive, one of those balloons pop and he drops a level in your eyes.\u00a0 So your feelings of disappointment, its actually you mourning the little death of his status.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Because the way men & women status relationships is is different from the very beginning.\u00a0 When a woman meets a new man they like and start a relationship they place him at the highest level of potential perfection.\u00a0 He is never more “the one” than at that\u00a0 moment of possibility.\u00a0 As she discovers his flaws, his human-ness, those balloons of perfection pop and his status drops lower and lower. <\/strong><\/p>\n

In some cases he drops and drops and suddenly he’s at a level she cannot tolerate.\u00a0 And she moves on.\u00a0 Or sometimes she starts to see the dropping as ways he can improve and tries to facilitate that!\u00a0 The dropping is important because every woman needs to see her man with the reality of who he is… not the elevated status of her ideal or who she thinks he can become.\u00a0 But some panic as they see this perfection they feel they need slowly disappear.
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

Now men… men tend to see women in the opposite way.\u00a0 They see a woman as just a woman.\u00a0 But as they get to know her they attach balloons to her and she rises closer to the ideal they’re looking for.\u00a0 Even as he’s unknowingly dropping himself in her eyes.<\/strong><\/p>\n

When a relationship works.. I think they meet in the middle and stabilize.\u00a0 Which is why women get so upset when a man does something to drop further in her eyes.\u00a0 Not only does it mess up this delicate stabilization, she misses the man he was to her. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Hmmmm…. perhaps this is why women feel if they’re good at being a wife and mother, it raises their status in the eyes of their man. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Lucky for me I never understood the appeal of balloons!
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n


\n<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So I was talking to a friend who was explaining how catching her bf in a lie made her so made.\u00a0 She used the standard, “It’s not what he did, its the fact he lied.\u00a0 How can I trust him … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1760","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-twirling-my-skirt"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1760","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1760"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1760\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3239,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1760\/revisions\/3239"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1760"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1760"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1760"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}