{"id":2016,"date":"2011-07-18T08:45:39","date_gmt":"2011-07-18T15:45:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=2016"},"modified":"2025-11-02T20:24:44","modified_gmt":"2025-11-03T03:24:44","slug":"bad-news","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=2016","title":{"rendered":"Bad news"},"content":{"rendered":"

So a while back, my favorite man, technically my boyfriend (or as close to one as this poly-amorous girl will ever get), my FWB #1… aka Sex God, gave me the news he may be moving out of the area.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Yeah.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

He’s going no where in his current job and has been looking for something else.\u00a0 In his search he found a possible job which would utilize all his skill & experience from his last 6 years at a better pay rate.\u00a0 Downside.. it was in Arizona.
\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

His kids are in their teens, so while they would miss him they’re at the age that daily contact is less important to them.\u00a0\u00a0 They’d rather spend it with their friends or on an electronic device.\u00a0 His Ex will miss\u00a0 him because they have a best friend\u00a0 relationship and he’s been conveniently there for her or the kids whenever she or they needed him.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

His logic…\u00a0 he needs to\u00a0 make some serious changes to get out of debt and since he’s at the lowest rent level he can go & his job isn’t offering\u00a0 him opportunities for higher income, he’s gotta go where those things exist.\u00a0 Rent is cheaper in AZ than L.A. and the job offers a serious boost in salary.\u00a0 So he told me he was applying and if he gets it… he’s going.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Needless to say the news was upsetting to me.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0 I love this man, who in so many ways matches me perfectly.\u00a0 This would effectively end our relationship. \u00a0 After all, we considered ourselves in a long distance relationship already because he lived over an hours DRIVE away.\u00a0 If he moves to AZ, he’ll be over an hour’s PLANE ride away.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

So when I hear this news my initial response is an emotional one.\u00a0 I begin to mourn this loss.\u00a0 Because all logic aside, this WOULD be a loss.\u00a0\u00a0 I would no longer have the guarantee of seeing\u00a0 him every other weekend.\u00a0 I would still get the fun of talking to\u00a0 him on the phone or chatting him or emailing him.\u00a0 But I wouldn’t have my Sex God to enjoy unless one of us took a plane ride.\u00a0 And with my finances the way they are (due to the divorce)\u00a0 that wouldn’t be me. \u00a0 And if he’s taking the job to put his finances in order, that wouldn’t be\u00a0 him.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

My secondary response, amusingly, is to grumble that he’s running.\u00a0 A truism more due to circumstances than his character and something I don’t really blame him for.\u00a0 I do the same.\u00a0 When things end or need changing or I don’t like the situation, I look at the long road and ask myself if its more cost effective to stay and fix it or better to move off this road to a new one.\u00a0 Still, as one of the casualties of the old road.. I can grumble a bit.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

But as the\u00a0 person I am, I’m not going to make this about me.\u00a0 As surprising as it may seem to those that know me, while I DO tend to make every conversation, every THING about me… I’m actually rather self-sacrificing to a small degree in relationships.\u00a0 Probably comes with parenthood.\u00a0 Don’t get me wrong.. if I’m not happy in a relationship I won’t “sacrifice” my happiness to stay in it, but I won’t stand in the way of anothers happiness.
\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

So I have to\u00a0 set them aside, these emotions, and pretend they don’t exist.\u00a0 These choices are his and I’m not going to selfishly ask him NOT to choose what he needs to do just because I’d miss him.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

And oh, how I’d miss him.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

In all the dating I’ve been doing over the last year plus I’ve met a lot of interesting men; hot men; good looking men; wonderful men and a fair share of fabulous lovers.\u00a0 None of which made it into my heart the way my #1 did.\u00a0 None of them\u00a0 inspired lust\u00a0 in me with a surprised gasp whenever I looked at him.\u00a0 None of them brought anything\u00a0 other than sex into my life, with a smattering of friendship.\u00a0 My #1\u00a0 brought silliness, limitless companionship and treated me as girlfriend material from the start.\u00a0 He treasured my company outside of the bedroom.<\/strong> Top that off with the way we seemed to mesh perfectly together in almost every facet of our lives\u00a0 and its no wonder we have strong feelings.\u00a0 Oh, and don’t even get me started on how much I enjoyed our naked time.\u00a0 There is a VERY good reason I call him my Sex God.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

So what I WILL do.\u00a0 I will tell him that I’m sad the relationship is on hold if not over.\u00a0 I will distract myself with work and writing.\u00a0 And I’ll most likely also do lots of online dating.\u00a0\u00a0 I’m sure some of you will assume I’m trying find another to replace him.\u00a0 (That would be WAY difficult!)\u00a0 Or drowning my feelings in meaningless hookups.\u00a0 There may be some truth to that but the alternative… pining away & living off the breadcrumbs of chat & phone contact… that isn’t any healthier.\u00a0 I cannot put my life on hold waiting for him to come back.\u00a0 Just as he cannot put his life on hold just because I don’t want him to leave.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Sigh.. I may start playing the lottery more, though.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n


\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

And.. after all that deep realization…. nothing came of it.\u00a0 lol!\u00a0\u00a0 I wrote this post months and months ago.\u00a0\u00a0 The job filled before he could apply for it.\u00a0 And he stopped talking about finding a job out of state.\u00a0 And a few weeks after that I brought up to him all the above feelings I went through.\u00a0 His reply was, “Oh!?!\u00a0 Sorry! Why didn’t you TELL me!”<\/strong><\/p>\n

We laughed and I take comfort in the fact that he shares so much with me he’s actually unaware how his sharing might be received by me.\u00a0 Which is amusing.. cuz I probably do the same thing to him!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Nice thing about being a grown up in a relationship is I can sort through my feelings without having to dramatize them & dump\/vent\/act them out on him.\u00a0 Then when I’m clear and calm I can discuss them if its still worth doing.<\/strong><\/p>\n

And top it all off?\u00a0\u00a0 Sex God got a promotion at work. \ud83d\ude42 <\/strong><\/p>\n

Thanks Fate!
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n


\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So a while back, my favorite man, technically my boyfriend (or as close to one as this poly-amorous girl will ever get), my FWB #1… aka Sex God, gave me the news he may be moving out of the area. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2016","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-twirling-my-skirt"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2016","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2016"}],"version-history":[{"count":21,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2016\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3175,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2016\/revisions\/3175"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2016"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2016"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2016"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}