{"id":2041,"date":"2011-03-30T08:50:26","date_gmt":"2011-03-30T15:50:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=2041"},"modified":"2025-11-02T21:08:40","modified_gmt":"2025-11-03T04:08:40","slug":"things-you-didnt-know-about-the-future","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=2041","title":{"rendered":"Things You Didn&#8217;t Know About the Future"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em><span style=\"color: #000000;\"><strong>I&#8217;m paraphrasing from an article in Discover Magazine written by Elliott Kalan<\/strong><\/span><strong> from The Daily Show.<\/strong> <strong>Too cute NOT to pass on!<span style=\"color: #000000;\"> <\/span><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>1.<\/strong> When the future arrives, we won&#8217;t recognize it as first.\u00a0 What we think of as just more of the present will turn out, only after weeks of intensive study, to\u00a0 have been the future.\u00a0 <strong>2<\/strong>. To keep this from happening again, humanity will adopt &#8220;Reality Savings Plan&#8221; and set its clocks forward 8 hrs.\u00a0 <strong>3.<\/strong> An incalculably multiplayer online game is named America&#8217;s Best School District.\u00a0 Eager to compete, principals begin granting automatic tenure to Orcs and Night Elves.\u00a0 <strong>4.<\/strong> By 2175 scientists have discovered the answers to all our greatest questions.\u00a0 They are: &#8220;No&#8221;, &#8220;Yes&#8221;, &#8220;Yes, but not the way we thought&#8221;, &#8220;Like two hands clapping, only quieter&#8221;, and &#8220;At the back of the closet, in the old shoe box&#8221;.\u00a0 <strong>5.<\/strong> Apple&#8217;s latest iPhone, the NanoNano, is so small that it can be accidentally inhaled, periodically leaving friends embarrassing voice mails that consist entirely of heavy breathing.\u00a0 That is when it can get a signal.\u00a0 <strong>6.<\/strong> Glaciers melt but its just the beginning of our problems.\u00a0 Earth starts making a strange knocking sound, then breaks down entirely.\u00a0 <strong>7.<\/strong> In 2327 mankind successfully contacts aliens.\u00a0 Well, technically their answering machine, as the aliens themselves have gone to Alpha Centauri for the summer.\u00a0<strong> 8.<\/strong> Desperate for help, humans leave increasingly stalker-y messages, turning off the aliens with how clingy our species is.\u00a0 <strong>9<\/strong>.\u00a0 In 4441 Interstellar travel is perfected, allowing us to reach the edge of the space.\u00a0 Past the edge?\u00a0 Millions of light-years of unpainted drywall.\u00a0 <strong>10<\/strong>.\u00a0 Ten billion years from now, our hyperevolved descendants gather to watch the scheduled heat death of the universe.\u00a0 Unfortunately, the event is preempted when time turns out to be cyclic.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m paraphrasing from an article in Discover Magazine written by Elliott Kalan from The Daily Show. Too cute NOT to pass on! 1. When the future arrives, we won&#8217;t recognize it as first.\u00a0 What we think of as just more &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=2041\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2041","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-just-ramblings"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2041","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2041"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2041\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2075,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2041\/revisions\/2075"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2041"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2041"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2041"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}