{"id":2177,"date":"2011-06-10T11:10:23","date_gmt":"2011-06-10T18:10:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=2177"},"modified":"2025-11-02T20:29:28","modified_gmt":"2025-11-03T03:29:28","slug":"driving-the-beast","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=2177","title":{"rendered":"Driving the Beast"},"content":{"rendered":"

I love Craigslist.\u00a0 I sold a few pieces of furniture on there and found some new better pieces.\u00a0\u00a0 The good stuff goes quickly, so when I found a particular item in my price range, I needed to pick it up before it sold<\/strong><\/span>.\u00a0 Of course I don’t have a vehicle big enough and my Sex God (who did) was unavailable. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Yes, I could have called on a different man, but the few I knew who had trucks or something similar (who I knew were also free) I wasn’t wanting to re-open that contact door.\u00a0\u00a0 So I called my brother who lent me his Suburban since he couldn’t come help himself.\u00a0 See it was mother’s day and they were going on a family hike for my sister-in-law.\u00a0 (Gak.. really?\u00a0 I shouldn’t judge… but nature and I, we like to observe each other not interact. lol.)
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So I borrowed his big, blue, old Suburban.\u00a0\u00a0 And.. Oh, My.. that vehicle is a beast to drive.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Now, if you’ve been reading the blog since ’09 OR you’ve gone back to the beginning and have worked your way through the over 350 blogs prior to this one (I KNOW!.. WoW!\u00a0 Do I know how to ramble!)\u00a0 then you know that I drive a cute red Corolla.\u00a0\u00a0 I zip around in the little thing and it stops on a dime!\u00a0 Plus it’s sooo easy on the gas tank.\u00a0 I love my car \ud83d\ude42<\/strong><\/p>\n

There I am, at my brothers.. trying NOT to grumble that he could have AT LEAST made my life a little<\/em> easier by backing the huge thing out of the driveway.. but, whatever.\u00a0 I climb up into the giant vehicle and survey this new world. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Now two years ago I drove a Mommy Van, so this vantage isn’t completely new.\u00a0 And in my college years I drove a VW Van from Iowa to L.A. (what do you mean I can’t gun it past 70 down the hill?.. how will I get above 40 going up the next hill if I don’t!) , so I’ve done my share of challenging drives.\u00a0\u00a0 But this thing is old and huge and my brother is almost 6 feet so there was a lot of adjusting of seat & mirrors & “What the HELL station are you listening to!!” going on.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Finally, I’m ready to go.\u00a0 Turn the key and the beast growls to life.\u00a0 Wow, its loud.\u00a0 I put it in reverse, gently push down on the gas and the engine roars!\u00a0 And goes…. nowhere!\u00a0 I press harder and it slowly begins to back out the driveway. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Now, when I asked my brother if there were any tips I needed to drive the Suburban, he replied.\u00a0 “Drive it like a station wagon.\u00a0 Just remember its long.”<\/strong><\/p>\n

Oh, there are soooo many other tips he could have mentioned. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Like the fact that driving this thing is not like driving a station wagon.. its like driving an ELEPHANT!\u00a0 It takes a hell of a lot to get it moving (I felt a cattle prod may have helped somehow) and when it finally IS moving it’s ever so slowly increases speed.\u00a0\u00a0 It was a good thing my brother’s house is so close to the corner and I wasn’t going very fast because I quickly learned another thing.\u00a0 It damn near braked EXACTLY like it sped up!\u00a0 Slooooowwwlllllyyyy..<\/strong><\/p>\n

You know those moments.\u00a0\u00a0 Where you’re hoping the steering wheel is bolted securely as you’re using it as leverage to try and press harder on the brake pedal.\u00a0\u00a0 Yup… just like that..<\/strong><\/p>\n

So I’m giggling at the absurdity of the whole thing.\u00a0 (Because I don’t get mad or stressed I just get comedic at stuff like this.)\u00a0\u00a0 Urging my giant elephant onto the freeway.. wishing I had a little turban to wear.. ever mindful that I need to keep a HUGE gap between me and the car in front in case, GOD Forbid!!\u00a0 I have to brake suddenly!\u00a0 And I see a small car wanting to get into my lane.\u00a0 I just laugh.\u00a0 Sorry, Dude, there is NO way I’ll be able to slow down or speed up to accommodate you. <\/strong><\/p>\n

And there is a certain freedom in that knowledge.\u00a0 In my little car, I’m constantly aware of the traffic around me and making adjustments to speed and position based on what I infer.\u00a0 He’s going to jump in front of me, she needs to get over, he’s tailgating me… am I going too slow for the lane?\u00a0 I’m always trying to be polite when I drive and speed up to get out of other’s way.. (any reason to speed!)\u00a0\u00a0 All these thoughts i n my head… Which joggles my memory that I should watch how fast I’m going.\u00a0 Speed can be deceptive in a new vehicle and I seem to be cruising quite fast in this thing.\u00a0 So I glance down. <\/strong><\/p>\n

55!\u00a0 I’m only going 55!\u00a0 Glory be.. how embarrassing!!\u00a0 I can at least do a respectable 65 o n the freeway.\u00a0 After all that’s the speed limit.. lumbering elephant or not!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Then.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Out of the blue.. I feel a random puff of air from the left vent caress my hand.\u00a0 What the???\u00a0\u00a0 I check the air system.\u00a0 It is… um… off.\u00a0 Not on low… off.\u00a0\u00a0 And then just as suddenly its gone, no little puff of air.\u00a0 So now I think I’ve imagined it until it happens again!
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

Great.\u00a0 The elephant is actually just a gigantic haunted beast trying to communicate with me through Morse code puffs of air!\u00a0 Can driving this thing get any weirder!!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Thankfully, no.\u00a0\u00a0 I made it to the Seller’s house,\u00a0 Loaded up my new furniture into the Suburban, drove to my house without incident (ignoring all attempts of the Beast Ghost to contact me), unloaded the boxed furniture and then drove back to my brother’s house.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I have never been so happy that I drive a zippy little tin can!\u00a0 I would have kissed my car after driving that beast, except she needs a bath REAL bad!
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I love Craigslist.\u00a0 I sold a few pieces of furniture on there and found some new better pieces.\u00a0\u00a0 The good stuff goes quickly, so when I found a particular item in my price range, I needed to pick it up … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2177","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-twirling-my-skirt"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2177","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2177"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2177\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4528,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2177\/revisions\/4528"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2177"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2177"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2177"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}