{"id":2244,"date":"2011-06-03T11:40:58","date_gmt":"2011-06-03T18:40:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=2244"},"modified":"2025-11-02T20:30:10","modified_gmt":"2025-11-03T03:30:10","slug":"sexual-attitude","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=2244","title":{"rendered":"Sexual Attitude"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was at a conference the other day and participating in a conversation, but only peripherally.\u00a0 Married Matron #1 said, “I think I’d love to have more sex drive.. I’m just not sure how to go about it!”<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

“Hormones..” I instantly offer, knowing this woman was post or peri-menopausal.\u00a0 And a little pill can help with a woman’s hormonal balancing just like with men.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Married Matron #1 replies, “No, I don’t want a supplement.. I’d just like something that\u00a0 puts me in the mood.. that’s not a pill.”<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Matron #2 (my mother.. hence the reason I’m only participating peripherally)\u00a0 says with strong assurance.\u00a0 “He’s just gotta work harder to get you in the mood!”<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

And at that point I just drop out of the conversation. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Because they are wrong.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

It is not the male’s JOB to get you aroused enough for sex!\u00a0 Just because he may get in the mood more easily than you and want it before you do… suddenly it becomes HIS responsibility to “get you in the mood”? \u00a0 As if sex with you is such an “HONOR” he has to “earn it” EVERY TIME he wants it!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

I’m sorry… but no, no, and no.\u00a0\u00a0 Sex is supposed to be mutual.\u00a0 Desire is supposed to be mutual.\u00a0 If one partner indicates he or she is horny, the other partner should embrace that and join in on the whole experience.. not wait for MORE encouragement.\u00a0\u00a0 I’ll give you two examples from my life.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

ONE…\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Long ago when I was in my 20’s I once shared a bed with a lover.\u00a0 Now he was the brother of a friend but we were sleeping at her house when most of our sex romps had been at my house.. so we weren’t sure we were going to have sex.\u00a0\u00a0 Plus we’d been partying and I was really tired.\u00a0 Dozing next to him in my tank & underwear I awoke to the realization he was caressing me.\u00a0\u00a0 I enjoyed it and pretended to sleep to see how far he’d take it.\u00a0\u00a0 Next think I know.. it was morning.\u00a0 Guess who didn’t get laid that night!\u00a0 I’d “pretended” sleep SO well, I’d fallen asleep and he’d taken that to mean I didn’t want sex.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

TWO….\u00a0\u00a0 My Ex spent parts of his childhood hearing his drunken father force himself on his mother.\u00a0 So he NEVER, EVER initiated our sexual activity.\u00a0 Now he never turned it down, when I suggested it… but he never began it.\u00a0 I did.\u00a0 For 13 years.\u00a0\u00a0 And honestly it became a job.\u00a0 Whether I was in the mood or not, since he wouldn’t ask for his needs to be met, I had to keep track to make sure I wasn’t depriving him of sex just because I was tired.\u00a0 (Of course.. he was quick so don’t pity me too much… [ok.. pity me.. cuz he was quick!]\u00a0 lol)\u00a0 And don’t get me wrong he was quick to say yes whenever I suggested it.. it was just that “I” was the one who always had to suggest it.\u00a0 It became another task on my list of things to do.\u00a0 But NOT something I was feeling both of us wanted.
\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

But the point is I’ve been on both sides of this.\u00a0\u00a0 Sex shouldn’t be a chore or a job.\u00a0 It’s a mutual enjoyment of each others pleasure.\u00a0 It doesn’t matter who’s feeling it first and it shouldn’t be something one has to work to get another to want to participate in.\u00a0 If it is… well then go to counseling.\u00a0 Because obviously you both are no longer on the same path sexually and you need to talk about that before those paths diverge too far from each other.\u00a0 This is how infidelity starts.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Sex God and I often spend a weekend together.\u00a0 Which gives us the leisure to enjoy lots of sex.\u00a0 And the best part is sometimes its all about me and sometimes its all about him.\u00a0 And it just doesn’t matter to either of us because we both enjoy each other’s pleasure so much.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

He’s not a job.\u00a0\u00a0 And he doesn’t have to “work” to get me hot. \u00a0 I only have to look at him and I think “sex”.\u00a0 And if the way his hands seem to always find their way to smacking my ass is any indication.. I have the same affect on him.\u00a0\u00a0 Is it that we’ve only been dating for a year?\u00a0 Maybe.. but maybe we’re just on the same path sexually.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Now if you’ll excuse me…\u00a0 I have “toys” to wash.\u00a0 \ud83d\ude09
\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was at a conference the other day and participating in a conversation, but only peripherally.\u00a0 Married Matron #1 said, “I think I’d love to have more sex drive.. I’m just not sure how to go about it!” “Hormones..” I … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2244","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-naughty-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2244","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2244"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2244\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3182,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2244\/revisions\/3182"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2244"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2244"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2244"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}