{"id":2256,"date":"2011-06-08T17:19:50","date_gmt":"2011-06-09T00:19:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=2256"},"modified":"2025-11-02T20:29:46","modified_gmt":"2025-11-03T03:29:46","slug":"bonnie-made-my-children-cry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=2256","title":{"rendered":"Bonnie made my children cry-UPDATED"},"content":{"rendered":"

So when the Ex finally moved out he told me he had moved into an apartment.\u00a0\u00a0 When he began taking his weeks of our, then, one week on and one week off custody situation; the kids told me a whole different story.\u00a0 He’d moved straight into his girlfriends house.\u00a0 Sleeping in her bed and parking all his things AND my 3 kids in her converted garage.\u00a0 When the kids call it a garage he adamantly tells them its a Guest House. (so they tell me)\u00a0 Well, its a garage.\u00a0 Is it a finished garage, yes.\u00a0 But since it doesn’t have a toilet it cannot be called a Guest House.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

At first the kids thought this was an interesting adventure.\u00a0 Bonnie had pets.\u00a0 Better yet she had cats.\u00a0 My kids loved cats.\u00a0 When I was entertaining the idea of getting a replacement pet for our dog when he passed away 2 years ago, the Ex announced he was allergic to cats.\u00a0 Right.\u00a0 When he met me, I had 3 cats.\u00a0 He showed no allergy then!\u00a0 Another example of the length of lying the man would go to get his way.\u00a0 Instead of having a rational dialogue.\u00a0 Just saying.
\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Anyway.\u00a0 The glamor of their living arrangements soon wore off and they began to hate it at “Dad’s”.\u00a0 Evan once told me that, “because Dad has all his boxes of comic books and stuff in the garage and we spend most of our time there, that I feel like just another piece of his stuff.”\u00a0 And he got emotional as he told me.\u00a0 My heart ached for the boy, but there was little I could do that wouldn’t just make things worse down the line.\u00a0 I watched my girlfriend in the first 3 years after her divorce plex and fret and scream and rant over the type of parenting her Ex did.\u00a0 I didn’t want to become that person.
\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Luke began to call me from his cell phone in a screaming melt-down over things his father said and how it made him feel.\u00a0\u00a0 Apparently my Ex doesn’t understand the part in the divorce papers where he’s not supposed to slam\/insult, within the hearing of the kids, their Mother.\u00a0\u00a0 So I spend a lot of time defending his behavior.\u00a0 For instance, he’ll make a sarcastic mean comment thinking he’s being humorous and since his delivery is dead-pan due to his Asperger’s anti-social behavior.. the kids think he’s being serious.\u00a0 Luke especially takes such comments as personal attacks on his character.\u00a0 And\u00a0 feels that his father hates him.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

This does not help the boy’s High Anxiety\/Clinical Depression which he takes medication for.\u00a0 I shouldn’t have to up his dosage just because his father contributes to his symptoms.\u00a0 So I try to talk Luke into practicing his tolerance and trying to be a little more understanding.\u00a0 Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn’t.\u00a0 And Bonnie’s neighbors get an earful as Luke screams from her backyard how much he hates his father and how horrible he is.\u00a0 Perk?\u00a0 Maybe.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Then we had an incident last Sunday.\u00a0 The Ex told me he’d found a one day job and needed to drop the kids off Sunday evening or very early Monday morning.\u00a0\u00a0 I told him Sunday eve would be fine anytime after 7pm.\u00a0 Because I’d planned on spending the weekend with Sex God which is an hour drive away.\u00a0 On that Sunday at 3 pm or so I get a call from Luke.\u00a0 Another distressed screaming call and when I finally get him somewhat calmed down he tells me that this time its not Dad its Bonnie, the girlfriend.\u00a0 Here’s what I finally pieced together when I got all 3 of the kids stories at 7pm that night.
\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

In one of Evan’s trip from the garage into the house and back he accidentally didn’t close the door all the way.\u00a0 It opened and one of Bonnie’s cats got out.\u00a0 Apparently, my Ex was gone to a convention (to work or play I don’t know) and had left the kids with her.\u00a0 So Bonnie goes into the garage and begins to yell at all three of the kids, complete with insults.\u00a0 The nine year old tells me he can’t remember what she said because he was so busy crying.\u00a0 Luke, no doubt, immediately insisted it wasn’t him and he’s not like that (that was a lot of what he was focusing on in his call to me.\u00a0 He cannot tolerate unfounded insults to his character.) <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

And my Evan no doubt withdrew into a blank faced wall.\u00a0 Evan is my sensitive boy.\u00a0 He’s just like his father that way.\u00a0 His father endured physical abuse & mental abuse from his 5 older brothers and neglect from his exhausted mother (8 kids, alcoholic husband, low personal self esteem & a daughter with kidney disease who later died before she was 30) all his life.\u00a0 Evan, who endured being bullied at school for 3 years and refused to take martial arts classes (I don’t want to fight!), and only this year began rebuilding his fragile self esteem.\u00a0 Evan, who loves pets and once described Bonnie as “Always happy, I’ve never seen her when she’s not happy.”<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Evan she accused of doing it on purpose, calling him anti-social (“Just because I’m shy!” he cried to me).\u00a0 She left my stunned kids in her garage while she went to search for her cat.\u00a0 (which they found.)\u00a0 Then came back two more times to yell at them some more.\u00a0\u00a0 Once might have been excused, but twice more.\u00a0 Nope.\u00a0 A cat, no matter how loved, is not worth the emotional abuse of children.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

And apparently she’s employed as a Teacher.\u00a0 I shudder to think of what she does in the classroom.\u00a0 Because apparently when my Ex is NOT there she’s NOT a nice person.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

And speaking of my Ex.. what did he do when he finally got home?\u00a0 Apparently he yelled at the kids some more.\u00a0\u00a0 By the time they got to me they were all traumatized.\u00a0 Seeing me brought it all to the front as they finally felt safe enough to let those bottled up feelings out.\u00a0 I spent an hour comforting tearful boys and hearing their side.\u00a0 And giving them my opinion.\u00a0 They begged to never go back there again. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Lucky for them they don’t have to this weekend.\u00a0 And hopefully the off-hand remark the Ex made TO THE KIDS the he’s sure “Bonnie wishes I’d never had kids.”\u00a0 and\u00a0 “Now I’ll have to spend $150 a weekend to get a motel room when I have you.”\u00a0 means that she’s not going to allow my children in her house again.\u00a0 Cross your fingers!
\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

I sent the Ex an email.\u00a0 It was very mature, without any of the screaming threats in my head dying to get out.\u00a0 It basically said that this is unacceptable treatment of MY children and if I hear of it every happening again I’ll have “words” with Bonnie whether she likes it or not.\u00a0\u00a0 And that I think the idea of him getting a motel room on his custody weekends a brilliant solution.\u00a0\u00a0 And that bottom line he should get OFF his ass, get a REAL job & get his OWN apartment.\u00a0 Lastly, I told him this situation has made me decide to look into full custody of the kids.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

While I hesitate to get a lawyer and file for this (I’m not made of money!), my children don’t deserve verbal abuse or a father who puts up with it.\u00a0 It’s either that or give “Bonnie” a taste of her own medicine.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Unlike her, I don’t yell at kids who aren’t mine but I don’t have a single problem yelling at an adult who does.\u00a0 And I know where she lives.
\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So when the Ex finally moved out he told me he had moved into an apartment.\u00a0\u00a0 When he began taking his weeks of our, then, one week on and one week off custody situation; the kids told me a whole … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2256","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-twirling-my-skirt"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2256","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2256"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2256\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4530,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2256\/revisions\/4530"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2256"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2256"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2256"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}