{"id":264,"date":"2009-07-14T10:40:17","date_gmt":"2009-07-14T17:40:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=264"},"modified":"2025-11-08T09:28:02","modified_gmt":"2025-11-08T16:28:02","slug":"a-few-of-my-favorite-jokes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=264","title":{"rendered":"A few of my favorite jokes"},"content":{"rendered":"
I love humor.\u00a0 <\/span>I collect it, treasure it and share it with my friends.\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Here are some of the the ones that make me giggle all day.<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Little Girl:\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I want Barbie and Xena for Christmas.<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Aunt:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Doesn\u2019t Barbie come with Ken?<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Little Girl:\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>No she comes with Xena, she just fakes it with Ken.<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>************<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Cougar:\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Hmmm, a young man\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Housewife:\u00a0 <\/span>Jailbait.<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Cougar:\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Stamina!<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Housewife:\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I am NOT a Starter Kit!<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>**************<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
From How I Met Your Mother the TV Show<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Person 1:\u00a0 <\/span>What do you want to eat?<\/span><\/p>\n

Person 2<\/span>:\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>How about Wong\u2019s?<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Person 3<\/span>:\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>I don\u2019t like Chinese.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Person 1:\u00a0 <\/span>Well how about the Indian Palace?<\/span><\/p>\n

Person 3<\/span>:\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>I just told you I don\u2019t like Chinese!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Person 2:<\/span>\u00a0 <\/span>What?<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Person 1:\u00a0 <\/span>Never mind.\u00a0 <\/span>How about that Mexican place on fifth<\/span><\/p>\n

Person 3<\/span>:\u00a0 <\/span>I SAID I don\u2019t LIKE Chinese!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Person 2<\/span>:\u00a0 <\/span>What are you talking about those are three different types of food.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Person 3<\/span>:\u00a0 <\/span>No they\u2019re not, they\u2019re all the same.\u00a0 <\/span>Weird meats, funny music\u2026side of rice.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>*************<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

From Sherman\u2019s Lagoon<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Fish:\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I love camping.\u00a0 <\/span>You have anything to open this can of pork & beans?<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Sherman:\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Sure, I got this awesome new tool.\u00a0 <\/span>Let\u2019s see, corkscrew, corkscrew, and, uh, a corkscrew.<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Fish:\u00a0 <\/span>What IS that thing?<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Sherman:\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>French Army Knife.<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>**************<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
From One Big Happy<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Ruthie:\u00a0 <\/span>Grampa, let\u2019s skip!<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Grampa:\u00a0 <\/span>Skip!\u00a0 <\/span>Ruthie, grownups don\u2019t skip, I\u2019d look ridiculous.<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Ruthie:\u00a0 <\/span>But Grampa, it\u2019s fun, it makes you feel good\u2026.PLEASE!<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Grampa:\u00a0 <\/span>Absolutely NOT!<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Neighbor One:\u00a0 <\/span>What\u2019s Nick doin\u2019 over there?<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Neighbor Two:\u00a0 <\/span>I don\u2019t know.\u00a0 <\/span>It looks like he\u2019s having some sort of walking seizure!<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0 <\/span>**************<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
From Willy & Ethel<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Shrink:\u00a0 <\/span>In the Feast of Life there are many choices\u2026some choose wealth, some choose power, some choose happiness.<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Willy:\u00a0 <\/span>I don\u2019t know\u2026but if I had a choice, I think I\u2019d go with the Combo Platter.<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>*************<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
More from Willy & Ethel<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Willy:\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>There\u2019s a special on next called \u2018What our government is doing right.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Ethel:\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019d like to see that.<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Willy:\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>Then don\u2019t blink.<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>***************\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Job Fair Interviewer:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>What can you do other than sit around looking stupid?<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Job Fair Applicant:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>So what you\u2019re saying then is you don\u2019t need an assistant?<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span>***************<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Prude:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Look at how she’s dressed, what a slut.<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
Comedian:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 They say sex reduces stress.\u00a0 Maybe she’s not a slut… maybe she’s a Health Nut.<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
<\/h6>\n
\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n
\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/h6>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I love humor.\u00a0 I collect it, treasure it and share it with my friends.\u00a0 Here are some of the the ones that make me giggle all day. \u00a0 \u00a0 Little Girl:\u00a0\u00a0 I want Barbie and Xena for Christmas. Aunt:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Doesn\u2019t … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-264","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-twirling-my-skirt"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/264","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=264"}],"version-history":[{"count":26,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/264\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":378,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/264\/revisions\/378"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=264"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=264"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=264"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}