I can’t seem to “DO” anything.<\/p>\n
If you’ve noticed my blog entries have trickled again… down to two a week.\u00a0 And this time its mostly due to not having anything to say more than not having time to write.\u00a0\u00a0 My brain says, “You gotta post a blog tomorrow” and it sets me scrambling & thinking & wondering until I’m basically procrastinating it off!<\/p>\n
And its not just the blog.\u00a0 I’m not in the mood to supervise the boys to clean my house.\u00a0 Oh they still do the daily chores but I haven’t made them pull chores on the bigger stuff.\u00a0 I’ve not done any upkeep on the gardening, the floors have dust bunnies in every corner & don’t get me started on the toilets!<\/p>\n
Could be because my garage is almost done.\u00a0\u00a0 And once done I’ll be able to sort stuff into the cabinets, onto the rolling shelving units and “de-box” my house which is cluttered with all the stuff I had in the garage & storage unit.\u00a0\u00a0 Of course, I love doing things like that… so there is a part of me anxiously awaiting this.\u00a0 And its put me in a holding pattern of sorts.<\/p>\n
Then there is all the goals I’ve set for myself to do.\u00a0 Ironically they have an order they need to be done in to be successful.\u00a0 So I cannot progress along getting Child Support until after the Army rules on how much of his Pension is mine.\u00a0 Oh there are little steps I can take but I sent an email to my lawyer regarding this and haven’t heard.\u00a0 He’s either REALLY busy or really unorganized & I’m going to need to take some steps myself to move this forward.\u00a0 More than just a harassing phone call.<\/p>\n
And I cannot move forward on much of that to get my fair share of the pension and after THAT actual child support until AFTER I file for bankruptcy.\u00a0\u00a0 I have no assets to seize or protect & ended up with the bulk of the credit card debt in the divorce.\u00a0 Add to that the unexpected medical bills & I’m feeling the need for a true fresh start.\u00a0 Lucky for me I fall into the Chapter 7 category…. for now.\u00a0 If I’m ever going to do this, I need to do this now.\u00a0\u00a0 And find a different lawyer as mine isn’t emailing me back on this subject. lol<\/p>\n
Business wise this very bankruptcy thought makes me want to buy a few airline tickets for Sex God to accompany me on a trip or two for work this year.\u00a0\u00a0 Can I?\u00a0 Should I?\u00a0 So I’ve not done some of my conference booking due to this very hesitation.\u00a0 I need a hour or two to plow thru the sites, paperwork & MAKE A DECISION!\u00a0\u00a0 Instead I fill my work days with doing some of the easier paperwork…. oh and take a few long lunches along the way.<\/p>\n
Why long lunches?\u00a0\u00a0 Cuz the Ex STILL hasn’t taken his son for a weekend so I can no longer host a play date unless its the boyfriend\/Sex God who the kids know… OR I get a babysitter & that’s usually is only going to be a once a month kind of event.\u00a0 So I’ve been enjoying my lovers who CAN play during the weekday.\u00a0 Which of course, cuts into my work time. lol<\/p>\n
But its not a very good long term solution.\u00a0\u00a0 Don’t get me wrong, I love every minute of the sex, but its not the same as going out for a fun evening and FEELING like a Cougar through & through.\u00a0 That emotional break from “Mommy”, “Employee”, you know… “Responsible Adult”\u00a0 is vital to keeping me loving my life.\u00a0 Too little of that and I start searching for new inputs that give it to me.<\/p>\n
But right now I seem to be standing on a precipice looking at all the things I need to do, want to do, don’t want to do, should be doing.\u00a0 And all I see in the pretty scenery.\u00a0 I have no motivation to\u00a0 move forward on any of them.\u00a0 To pick a direction and charge down the path.<\/p>\n
Worse is the feeling that time is creeping up behind me & if I don’t gather the right things to start down any of these paths & won’t have what I need before time shoves me down one.<\/p>\n
I think this is a character flaw in me… this scenery looks AWFULLY familiar!<\/p>\n
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I can’t seem to “DO” anything. If you’ve noticed my blog entries have trickled again… down to two a week.\u00a0 And this time its mostly due to not having anything to say more than not having time to write.\u00a0\u00a0 My … Continue reading