{"id":3688,"date":"2012-06-22T09:59:51","date_gmt":"2012-06-22T16:59:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=3688"},"modified":"2025-11-02T17:30:15","modified_gmt":"2025-11-03T00:30:15","slug":"you-mad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=3688","title":{"rendered":"You Mad?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>The other morning at the gym the strangest thing happened.  I got the cold shoulder from one of my gym friends.  Now, gym friends, in case you don’t know, are acquaintances you see daily in the changing room at the gym. They’re like coffee shop friends with more nudity and no men.<\/p>\n

We know each other by first name, never really socialize outside the gym (although we kinda would like to) and have accumulated little bits about each other.  We exchange pleasantries & ask how our weekends were & are generally nice to each other.  Most of us have known each other for a year or some even two and they know ALL about me as I tend to do my usual thing of “entertaining” with stories.<\/p>\n

A couple months ago a new woman began coming in.  She had a fun ebullient personality so she fit right in with us social regulars.   We cheerfully welcomed her, asked her name over and over until we all could remember it on sight, lol.   I especially like her as she seemed to have a similar sense of herself & joy in life as I did.  Plus she was an extrovert like me.  I’d hoped she’d stay a regular for a long time and we’d get to see her every day.  (Schedules change, live changes, a gym opens closer to them… our group has grown and shrunk due to all this.)<\/p>\n

Then the other day she gave me the cold shoulder.  Pointedly ignoring me and giving me looks that were juuuuust shy of being considered dirty.   When she first walked in I was in conversation with someone else so it wasn’t unexpected she’d not say hello.  And her hair looked different so I was wondering if I was mistaken & that wasn’t really her.  But as she passed me to go into the shower I said, “It IS you, you’re so quiet.”<\/p>\n

I said it with a grin and she brushed past refusing to look at me, face as blank as she could make it.   I went to dry my hair and wondered at what the f*ck was going on.   I thought, “well all you have to do is ask if she’s mad and you can sort this out.”   And then I realized I didn’t have time for a long, drawn out conversation to figure out what I may have inadvertently said or done to piss this woman off.   She’s a grown up.  If she’s got a problem with me it is HER responsibility to tell me and clear the air.  I’m not her boyfriend to try and figure out telepathically WHY she’s pulling attitude!  This is adolescent behavior of “prove you value the friendship\/relationship by ASKING what you did to make me mad.”<\/p>\n

Pshaww…. NOT!<\/p>\n

So instead of playing to that game I just styled my hair with my blow dryer.  And smirked.   I thought about all the possible reasons she could be mad at me.  I thought of the last thing I said to her and if it could have been misconstrued.  I thought of when I met her daughter if I said anything that might have offended her.   And true to Dr. Phil I made sure I thought of ANYTHING that might have suddenly led to her hating me so.   I wondered if there was anyone who hated me enough to tell her negative things about me. (Um… no to THAT one unless she’s suddenly become friends with my Ex husband and as much as HE hates me he’s not one to spread his opinion to strangers since he doesn’t like talking to strangers.)<\/p>\n

I wondered if her youngest had an encounter with my middle son since, even though they are in different grades (hers older than mine by a year), they went to the same middle school.   I dismissed that one.  My Evan is much to shy and actively does whatever he can to NOT be noticed by his own peers much less the vaulted 8th graders above him in school.<\/p>\n

Then I wondered if maybe I’d somehow accidentally slept with her boyfriend.  I mean, lets face it, if they TELL me they are single its not my fault if they are lying.  I do what I can test that by trying to go out on an official date night, etc.  But I don’t do background checks or stalk these guys.  And frankly, if he’s stepping out on you it is SOOOO not the fault of the woman he’s doing it with!<\/p>\n

Lastly, I wondered if by any freaky quirk of coincidence she was the MOTHER of Tanesha and had found out (and I cannot imagine how THAT would have come about either! haha) that I was the woman Tanesha had found in her EX-boyfriends bed when she charged into his apartment and 2 in the morning.   Because, well, THAT was the only thing I could think of that would truly justify being THAT mad at me!   And, again, NOT my fault!  Not my problem Tanesha can’t seem to accept it when a relationship is over or that her boyfriend (if he’d not quite made that clear enough that he was done) had moved on.<\/p>\n

So with all these possibilities wandering around my head as I styled my hair I could only smile as Ms. M came out of the shower, gathered her stuff and went to another section of the gym where she wouldn’t have to talk to me.   In ALL the possible reasons for her mad I’d come up with, not one of them couldn’t be cleared up with conversation.   So all that negativity she was swirling around herself was going no farther than her own sphere.  It didn’t affect me an iota.<\/p>\n

Finished with my hair I gathered up all my stuff and  walked out of the gym bathroom.  As I passed where she was with my headphones in listening to my music all the while, I smiled and waived to her as I walked by.  Knowing full well she’d see me in the mirror she was using.   And I did it knowing it would really piss her off seeing that I was either missing all her signals of mad or just not giving a shit.  Cuz she’d earned that by NOT doing the adult thing and talking to me.<\/p>\n

That was a Monday.  And Tuesday when I was at the gym Grace was there also.<\/p>\n

(Love out to Grace who just lost her mother who’d been in the hospital for almost a month.. they took her off the respirator & told the family it would probably take her body an hour to pass… it took 12!!  Twelve hours of waiting and questioning your decision to pull the plug and all that comes with that torture!  horrible!   She came to the gym to give herself a little bit of normalcy in trying to deal with this death.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Anyway, when I mentioned to Grace Ms. M’s strange behavior, Grace told me Ms. M had told HER why she was mad at me.  Apparently the Friday before Cold Shoulder Monday I’d made a comment TO Grace ABOUT Ms. M and Ms. M had been offended.  See, Ms. M likes to take exercise classes but our gym doesn’t do them at the early morning time she prefers… so she goes to another gym to take the classes and comes here to shower.  Our gym is a Super Sport in the 24 Hour Fitness group so its shower’s are pretty nice for the area.   I said to Grace, “Did you know M works out at one gym and comes here to shower!”  What I should have said AFTER that was my intention in the comment, “THAT is true dedication to fitness.”<\/p>\n

Ironically, Grace answered that comment with , “I know!”  But I didn’t hear Ms. M being all mad at HER for that!  Because I guess after I left Ms. M told Grace that she didn’t like people talking about what she does before or after the gym.  Or people telling her what she should or shouldn’t do or how to do it.  How my comment pissed her off and she was going to have to have a talk with me.  Saying it loud enough that the gym employee working nearby heard it and asked what the problem was.<\/p>\n

So all that happened on Friday and when I come in Monday, no one says a word.  Not Arpi the gym employee nor Ms. M.  And Grace wasn’t in since she was dealing with the death of her mother.  And none of the other regulars where there also (not uncommon on a Monday!! haha) to talk to me or Ms. M so there was this LITTLE part of me that wondered maybe she’d had a horrible weekend and didn’t want to talk to anyone and had no clue on how to fake morning pleasantries while privately dealing with strong emotions that didn’t  involve others.<\/p>\n

On Tuesday, after Grace told me Ms. M’s issues, I saw Ms. M checking in as I was checking out.  There wasn’t even the opportunity to try and avoid eye contact but I did make it a point to waive and say goodbye to Arpi (as everyone does when they leave).  Headphones in, I blithely went on with my day, smirking all the while.<\/p>\n

There will be other days to ask her what’s wrong and apologize for NOT being clear I wasn’t trying to mock or insult her in any way.  In the meantime this is HER life learning lesson on whether to hold onto anger or let a slight go.<\/p>\n

After all… that’s why we call it a slight.   Such a little thing.<\/p>\n

And its now been two weeks and with the kids out of school I try to leave a little early and she arrives late enough to miss me.  She’s also now just barely polite to everyone else in the gym, denying herself to us.  As if we are upset over that!  Haha… all she is really doing is deny herself OF us and I gotta tell ya.<\/p>\n

Her loss, cuz we are a great bunch  of gals!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The other morning at the gym the strangest thing happened.  I got the cold shoulder from one of my gym friends.  Now, gym friends, in case you don’t know, are acquaintances you see daily in the changing room at the … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3688","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-twirling-my-skirt"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3688","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3688"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3688\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5036,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3688\/revisions\/5036"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3688"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3688"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3688"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}