So you’ve done a little research, maybe tried a dating site or a sex site and you’ve got your pictures all ready to go.\u00a0\u00a0 (See my earlier post on how to do pictures<\/p>\n
http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=2553 <\/p>\n
and I’m sorry it says part 2 is the email but THAT didn’t make any sense… obviously the next step is the profile!)<\/p>\n
Next step is your profile.\u00a0 Which all begins with your screen name. \u00a0\u00a0 Although I will say that for me picking a screen name immediately screeched me to a halt in this process when I first started.\u00a0\u00a0 Because in choosing this I\u2019m actually choosing a new persona.\u00a0 So I needed to give it some thought.\u00a0 Obviously I couldn’t have it be my real name.\u00a0 Yet I didn\u2019t want it to be cheesy, either.\u00a0 I wanted to protect my privacy as much as possible, without losing my self-respect in a made up name like Isohornygirl, or something ridiculous like that. (No disrespect to the woman who HAS that name, and trust me she probably exists, it just wouldn\u2019t represent the level of woman I was representing.)<\/p>\n
Now, do not, I repeat, do not choose a real name as your persona.\u00a0 Don\u2019t decide you\u2019ve always wanted to be a Tamera instead of a Mary, a Scott instead of Marvin.\u00a0 Remember these people you\u2019re meeting will think that\u2019s your real name and immediately wonder what else you\u2019re hiding when you reveal its not.\u00a0 And sometimes the people you meet end up as a connection that may not be dating but just as valuable.\u00a0 Online dating is a great way to let fate\/God\/karma\/ whatever you want to call it, bring people into your life that could benefit you.\u00a0 In fact there is a high percentage of people who USE online dating to build their trainer\/massage\/DJ business.\u00a0 So be aware of that when you’re looking at profiles yourself.\u00a0 If that person seems too good to be true, its probably a fake or pro or someone with less desire to date than to just meet prospective clientele.<\/p>\n
Anyway, once you’ve picked your name, most sites have a little\u00a0 cute tag line for you to fill out.\u00a0 The most humorous\u00a0 one I ever saw was, “Of course its small, Catwoman, its a Bat dick.”\u00a0 Which is doubly amusing when I got to play with that man and it was ANYTHING but small!\u00a0 But he has a happy, goofy sense of humor & he’d been successful on the site long enough to take the seriousness out of the whole process.\u00a0\u00a0 And therein lies the tip.\u00a0 You are hoping women are reading that line, not men.\u00a0 So DO NOT go macho Stallone in any part of your profile, including the tagline.\u00a0 Your ego isn’t what she’s looking for no matter if its a sex site or not.<\/p>\n
Now writing the profile is hard but most sites do their best to help you through it by dividing it into categories of “About Me” and “What I’m Looking For”.\u00a0\u00a0 And just so you know this was just as difficult for me as for anyone.\u00a0 While as a woman and can go on and on about myself, I’m also a writer and will therefore agonize about every freaking word.\u00a0 When I helped my friend write a profile for her Match.com profile I realized it wasn’t just me!<\/p>\n
The Profile is usually the most difficult part of joining an online dating site.\u00a0 Few people think they can or should spend much time trying to come up with a paragraph describing themselves and their best qualities.\u00a0 Men are especially guilty of this.\u00a0 And it\u2019s understandable really.\u00a0 Short of a resume, when DO we ever do this?\u00a0 Women often turn to their girlfriends for help, but most men don\u2019t really have that option.\u00a0 Yet taking this self-analytical step is crucial for the success of your online dating experience.<\/p>\n
So if you don\u2019t have a \u201cgirl \u2013 friend\u201d to try to help you this is what I suggest.\u00a0 Sit down with a pen and paper and start a list of \u201cwhat I\u2019m looking for.\u201d Why this step first?\u00a0 It gets your brain thinking and its the easiest. \u00a0 Obviously you\u2019re trying to find a realistic balance between your \u201cfantasy mate\u201d and \u201cthat horrible ex.\u201d\u00a0 And by realistic I mean get beyond any obsessions about physical beauty and negative stereotypes. \u00a0 Just because she\u2019s got a few extra pounds doesn\u2019t mean she\u2019s not a sexual dynamo and just because he looks like an average Dad doesn\u2019t mean he\u2019s not a fun surfer who loves all your favorite bands.\u00a0\u00a0 You can list what you’ve learned are your favorite preferences: certain height, blondes over brunettes, curves over model thin… but don’t start naming the actresses you lust over and don’t just write down “breathing” and consider it done!\u00a0 No matter how true it is! lol\u00a0 And after you’ve listed the physical attributes, start on the personality you’re looking for.<\/p>\n
So after you have this list, you need to replace these specifics with generalities.\u00a0 You want a man a certain height?\u00a0 That\u2019s a fair desire, but how about going up and down in your inches range.\u00a0 Do not miss out on a wonderfully compatible man based on his height.\u00a0 My perfect match turned out to be 5\u20198″ with an absolutely geeky picture!\u00a0\u00a0 The same applies to age.\u00a0 I\u2019ve met men in their 20’s & 30\u2019s with just as much sexual issues that some men get in their 50\u2019s.\u00a0 And I\u2019ve met men in their 50\u2019s who can out-sex a man in his mid-twenties without any help from a blue pill.\u00a0 What I\u2019m saying is use the list to help you clarify your expectations and objectives for online dating.\u00a0 Because once you get past listing the physical you\u2019ll find yourself listing the deeper things you\u2019re looking for.\u00a0 And its those things you truly want to convey to a potential reader.\u00a0 But don’t be cliche about it.\u00a0 No one really likes long walks on the beach.<\/p>\n
At first when I joined I just wanted to have sex.\u00a0 But as time went on I realized what I was looking for was a friendship that included fun activities and hot sex with no expectations of a permanent relationship.\u00a0 In other words I wanted all the fun of dating without any of the \u201cwhere is this going\u201d stuff that most relationships end up being about.\u00a0 But I didn\u2019t know that for the first month or so of the adventure.\u00a0 Thankfully, once I did realize this it was easy to go back to my profile and modify it, adding words here and there to better explain my desires.\u00a0\u00a0 Amusingly I got better emails by clarifying what I was looking for.\u00a0 And in reading the profile of men, the ones that listed out lots of specifics about what they were really looking for made my decisions much easier.\u00a0 If I felt I COULD be that woman, even for a little bit, the profile became more a possibility.\u00a0 And if he listed things I KNEW we wouldn’t be compatible with, it saved us both a step in the process.\u00a0 (Like Country music or Harley motorcycles…\u00a0 for me that’s a pass, for others that’s a plus!)<\/p>\n
And don’t try to write what you think we want to hear.\u00a0 I’ve often read sappy profiles that went on and on about “soul mates” and “the one” .\u00a0\u00a0 Or worse, samples of their “erotica” all thru the profile.\u00a0 Sadly, some men don’t realize that women who read erotica aren’t reading the same style of stuff that men are!\u00a0 You can tell 50 Shades of Grey wasn’t written for men.<\/p>\n
So you have your list of what you want written out, expanded into generalities and pared down to what you might realistically find on the site you\u2019ve chosen.\u00a0 And you’ve worked it into a paragraph (or two, more is better) of “What I’m Looking For” \u00a0\u00a0 Now you need to start a list of \u201cwhat I bring to the table.\u201d\u00a0 Don\u2019t be shy or modest.\u00a0 Put it all down.\u00a0 Sing your praises!\u00a0 Because you are most likely going to \u201clawyer-ize\u201d it up by phrasing these qualities in a way that\u2019s less boastful.\u00a0 But you cannot do that if you don\u2019t honestly acknowledge them first.\u00a0 And don’t neglect the activities you enjoy.\u00a0 She doesn’t necessarily need to do them with you but she will judge you based on them.\u00a0\u00a0 Surfer types draw me because of their natural combo of zen and daring.\u00a0\u00a0 Led Zeppelin lovers not so much as they’re living in the past not the present.\u00a0 But for other women they don’t like the surfer type and love the man who loves the “Classic Rock”.\u00a0 So listing what you enjoy helps her\/him find a connection outside of the bedroom.<\/p>\n
Because let’s remember that even when looking for sex, the women are still going to follow some of the basic rules of dating.\u00a0 She’s looking at YOU not necessarily how fabulous your six pack looks in the picture.\u00a0 Although I’m sure she’s factoring that in.\u00a0 The same goes for your “tool”.\u00a0\u00a0 Boasting about its length and width goes about as far as boasting about the expensive car you drive or how much money you make.\u00a0\u00a0 If she seems interested and responds, you can mention it then.\u00a0 Kinda like a “perk” if you will.<\/p>\n
Sadly, few sites let you look at sample profiles of what will be “your competition” so to speak.\u00a0 Which would be helpful in the beginning.\u00a0 But let me just say, as a woman who’s looked at many profiles, less is NOT more.\u00a0 You don’t need to write a long novel, but the more of you that you can put down the better.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Try to make it amusing or light-hearted if you can, but if it just sounds snarky or stupid erase those parts.\u00a0 Yes, the more intelligent you sound, without sounding egotistical, the better.<\/p>\n
After all, the opposite sex is looking to find a connection also or they wouldn’t be there.<\/p>\n
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So you’ve done a little research, maybe tried a dating site or a sex site and you’ve got your pictures all ready to go.\u00a0\u00a0 (See my earlier post on how to do pictures http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=2553 and I’m sorry it says part … Continue reading