Yes, you read correctly.\u00a0\u00a0 I attended a Pool Party put on by a PolyAmorous Social Group in Los Angeles.\u00a0 The irony was I wasn’t invited myself.\u00a0 One of my lovers (the one who’s trying to set up several lovers to play together as threesomes, who I did Couples Therapy for during one of those trysts) found out about the party and invited me spontaneously.\u00a0 And hell, as a blogger, who could pass that up!!<\/p>\n
So I met him at his home and he drove us to Brentwood (which is a very rich section of L.A.) and we arrived exactly on time.\u00a0 Even though I told him no doubt a party like this wouldn’t care about WHEN you arrived.\u00a0 But he said they stated if you wanted to participate in the discussions to arrive at 7.\u00a0 So we did.\u00a0 lol.<\/p>\n
Remember I’d attended a swinger party before so this really wasn’t my first time at a group event.\u00a0 And this event had the added relaxed component of NOT being a sex party.\u00a0 It was just a group gathering.. no sex as there were kids in attendance.\u00a0 Although they DID specify that the pool was clothing optional. \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n
It was a BYOB situation so we brought a case of Coke.. its always nice to have mixers for other peoples alcohol.\u00a0 And we chose to go to the Dom\/Sub\/Poly discussion group.\u00a0 Since my lover was very much a Dom and had recently had to leave his sub relationship.\u00a0 So after getting our drinks we ambled out of the gorgeous house filled already with probably 150 people to the pool house for the discussion group.<\/p>\n
They did a round of introductions which was truly an interesting event in itself.\u00a0 There was a lot of “I’m in a triad, this is my Dom” or “We are looking for a third to be a Sub”\u00a0 or “I just came down from another location and had to leave my polyamory family group.” \u00a0 I clearly stood out as I introduced myself as a Cougar with one of my lovers.\u00a0 But in a roomful of people who are basically in a fringe group of a fringe group no one was judging!<\/p>\n
Discussions of bondage sub\/dom aside, there was a few interesting things to note.\u00a0 One was the way someone who was in a Polyamorous relationship felt about Swingers.\u00a0 Apparently there is a strong distinction between the two.\u00a0 Swinging was about sex and often any third brought into the bedroom was expected NOT to get attached and often restricted to no kissing, etc. no matter how much the three enjoyed their company.<\/p>\n
Polyamorous relationships on the other hand was about filling an emotional need to be with this specific person without losing\/changing\/abandoning the primary original relationship.\u00a0 To respect both relationships and find a common ground between them.\u00a0 To toss out all aspects of jealously and focus on expressing love as the needs manifested themselves.<\/p>\n
For example.. there was a family “tree” as it is called, that had members with Sub\/Dom roles so they were\u00a0 in the discussion we were in.\u00a0 One couple, man and woman (and I think they were married? not sure) had a Dom\/Pet relationship.\u00a0 He was her pet.\u00a0 And if my hearing didn’t fail me he was gay.\u00a0 She, herself, had brought them\u00a0 into the family as the Primary female wanted her in her bed.\u00a0\u00a0 The Primary male was very much a Dom and I think there was at least another female there who was his Sub but in all the introductions I may have missed singling her out.<\/p>\n
The dynamics was fascinating.\u00a0 They all had special “names” that they used within their family and within the Polyamorous community I believe because they had been in the fetish for so long they taught classes and wrote blogs, etc.\u00a0 It would be like introducing myself as my character “Cat” instead of Heather.\u00a0 And many were couples exploring BDSM, one was a practicing Dominatrix who left rather quickly after seeing we weren’t either focusing on her or hiring her lol.\u00a0\u00a0 The worst was a man my age who obviously peaked in the fetish life early and made it his thing forever, including the long, stringy hair.\u00a0 He liked to shock the room with a story or comment which was an attention getting strategy I gave up in my early 20’s!<\/p>\n
I could not help smiling my secret knowing smile when he told the story of how his first encounter as a Dom was with a Cougar who introduced him to the wild world of sex but whenever she tried to Dom him he’d turn the tables.\u00a0 Perhaps its my ego… perhaps he was only trying to make me feel at ease… but I felt it was a subtle way of trying to send me the signal he’d like to fuck a Cougar again.\u00a0\u00a0 And I could only grin at his aged beer gut and remember how often I’d heard the line, “Skill with age is better.”\u00a0 Especially with my very trim Cub at my side.<\/p>\n
The female Primary, though, was a beautiful confident African American BBW who I was immediately attracted to.\u00a0 Ironically, her black Dom, did nothing for me.\u00a0 And I found the Pet\/Dom relationship interesting to watch. \u00a0 But I wasn’t here to pick up anyone.\u00a0 If I wanted to play, I had my Cub along.\u00a0 He was eating up the discussion and then after wanted to scope out someone to play as a third.\u00a0 At one point I sent him off to get any digits he might get as I sat and watched the socializing around me.<\/p>\n
This was an annual pool party and I think the final numbers were somewhere in the 300’s.\u00a0 So most of the people all knew each other, were comfortable with each other and catching up on their news.\u00a0 And I realized I was here with the wrong man.\u00a0 I marveled at how different this would feel if I was here with my Sex God.\u00a0 Because most of the feeling about the party was about acceptance and love.\u00a0 These relationships were really based on that and not about my looser friendship relationships.<\/p>\n
I enjoy my cub, liked my cub, respected my cub.\u00a0 But would I want to join in a love relationship with him?\u00a0 No.\u00a0 I loved my Sex God.\u00a0 And yet, would I want to bring a loving third into our relationship?\u00a0\u00a0 Oh yes, I would, but as an equally loving third to the both of us.\u00a0 We’ve tried to find it here and there, tentatively with threesomes or separate relationships but its just not worked.<\/p>\n
I think if a couple has found love and acceptance within another group or family tree in a Polyamorous relationship they are lucky to be able to spread their non-jealous love out and about.\u00a0 And “Represent”.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Well, as much as one can behind pseudonyms.<\/p>\n
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Yes, you read correctly.\u00a0\u00a0 I attended a Pool Party put on by a PolyAmorous Social Group in Los Angeles.\u00a0 The irony was I wasn’t invited myself.\u00a0 One of my lovers (the one who’s trying to set up several lovers to … Continue reading