{"id":470,"date":"2009-07-28T09:51:32","date_gmt":"2009-07-28T16:51:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=470"},"modified":"2025-11-07T10:35:42","modified_gmt":"2025-11-07T17:35:42","slug":"orlando-trip-gno","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=470","title":{"rendered":"Orlando Trip – GNO"},"content":{"rendered":"

BEST GNO… EVER!!!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

While Kim napped I went to the concierge to find a place to take the girls on GNO.\u00a0 And passed right past him because he looked 70!\u00a0 Instead I\u00a0went to a young male check in clerk who, when I asked where can we go to dance and drink, suggested City Walk in Universal.\u00a0 Hell, I can do that here!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

I went to the young girl and she found us the Blue Martini.\u00a0 It was a Latin Fusion club with a live band and then a DJ and I thought, sounds interesting.\u00a0 She said it had great appetizers and martinis (obviously) and printed out the menus.\u00a0 Gotta love hotel staff!\u00a0 She even gave us several back up options, too.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Kim finally woke up and gathered her clan down in the lobby.\u00a0 I arranged for a town car to take us because I wasn’t sure how many but when I finally pried them away from the schmoozing and yaking with everyone who passed through the lobby only 3 girls accompanied me.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Oh but these were the cream of the crop, my friends.\u00a0 Kim and I have clicked from the moment I met her.\u00a0 She’s ahead of me in the “40’s and learning” curve and I bounce my feelings off her whenever I can to get her Earth Mother sage advice.\u00a0 And she’s the one who’s been encouraging me to get into Stand-Up.\u00a0 Probably because she owns stock in Depends and wants my ability to make you laugh ’till you pee your pants spread nationally.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Then I met Barb.\u00a0 I just love this woman and I’m going to devote a whole blog to tell you her amazing story.\u00a0 But first a little about the woman I met on GNO.\u00a0 Kim gives me her Earth Mother Advice but when I see Barb I see Earth Mother.\u00a0 She’s curvy with thick salt N pepper hair and a smile that makes you relax into her calm surety about life and where she is.\u00a0 That smile has an intriguing Cat twinkle in its depths.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Lastly I met Gina (yeah, two best GNO buds and both named Gina!).\u00a0 But this Gina is a classic TransAm Cougar in Training (CIT).\u00a0 She looks like she should be on the beach in Malibu or at least at the BBQ drinking Margaritas.\u00a0 But she’s got a really sharp mind and she’s ready to explode into her 40’s!\u00a0 And I’m completely ready to take her there!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

So on to the events.\u00a0 The Towncar takes us to the Blue Martini and when we pull up there looks to be either a line or a crowd waiting to get in.\u00a0 The girls begin to worry they won’t get in… that they’re not dressed right because there are bouncers manning ropes.\u00a0 But they don’t know they’re with Cat and she’s ready to GET OUT.\u00a0 After paying the driver I saunter\/lead them around the crowd.\u00a0 I’ve caught the eye of one of the very cute bouncers and he says, “Ladies!” and unhooks his little velvet rope with a smile and wave.\u00a0 I lead my girls in and we stop only to pay the cover.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

The place is wonderfully packed on a Thursday night.\u00a0 The music is nice and loud and completely in Spanish!\u00a0 So I have no idea what they’re singing but that beat moves my hips and after a quick tour we find a standing table and get drinks and appetizers.\u00a0 At one point they do play a song I know even if only about half of it and it’s that “You know you want me” song Calle Ocho that I just posted on my blog.\u00a0\u00a0I scream and drag them dancing.\u00a0 Kim has pictures and I’ll put them up if she ever sends them.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

With music so loud we can only bond in two’s to talk\u00a0but we manage it!\u00a0 Best part is there’s room where we’re standing to dance right there should the urge get us.\u00a0 And frankly I was very pleased no one asked us to dance.\u00a0 These people must have been professionals or taken classes and I will admit there is clearly not enough Latino in my genes (i.e. none!) to allow me to get any where close to the sexy dancing these Latino women were pulling off no matter if they were the 90 lb 21 year old all the way up to the 250 lb 40 year old!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Eventually we move to a table and then to an outside table just to be able to tell all our stories to each other.\u00a0 And it was so much enjoyment Cat (i.e. me) didn’t even need to feel the men leering at her.\u00a0 I was having much more fun with my girls.\u00a0 Of course, maybe that was because Gina was just mesmerized by the lead singer and the way he pulsed\/twitch\/pumped his hips.\u00a0 So she often left us to stand right in front of him between the tables and the bar chairs watching him.\u00a0 I went with her one time and because we were drunk (?) or because it was fun (?) we both watched him arms around\u00a0each other pointing out the possibilities and must have looked like two girls trying to pick out a man to make a threesome with for the evening.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

That was more fun the being Cat pretending to pick out a man.\u00a0 Being Cat with another woman picking out a man for both of us.\u00a0 Truly the most fun, ever!\u00a0 That really puts a look in a man’s eye!\u00a0 I saw it on several of them… purrrrrrr.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

As per any new Cat\/Heather audience I shocked and amazed with my irreverent humor, blatant sensuality and unusually perceptive insights.\u00a0 We announced this was to be a new conference tradition!\u00a0 But after two delicious (and probably strong)\u00a0Triple Chocolate Martinis and just about no dinner for me\u00a0I was drunker than I’d ever been.\u00a0\u00a0And\u00a0by\u00a012:30 pm Orlando time we were ready to go.\u00a0\u00a0Some of us (i.e. me) had to be down to the exhibit area by 7 am the next day…\u00a0Orlando time, i.e. 4am L.A. time.\u00a0 So we caught a cab.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

And for\u00a0the 25 minute ride home we could finally hear ourselves talk.\u00a0\u00a0Oh that poor, young cab driver!\u00a0 Of course, with me in the car the conversation went to sex.\u00a0\u00a0I think Gina was singing the praises of that lead singer’s pelvic ability.\u00a0\u00a0Then\u00a0we got onto the myth\/reality of Asians and their\u00a0“size” in that area and\u00a0I shared my “experience” suggesting if Anal is\u00a0your style you can’t do better than an\u00a0Asian male.\u00a0 Kim who being African American has plenty of experience with the gifts of those men and said, “It just don’t fit!”\u00a0 <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

That segued into porn (and I’m just NOT going to go into how) and after\u00a0the discussion of why its beneficial\u00a0for women to use it as a\u00a0foreplay tool.\u00a0\u00a0Then\u00a0they wanted to know what sites\u00a0I go to.\u00a0 Well, I explained I like the Anime and drawn\u00a0stuff because there’s no restrictions.\u00a0 (Tentacles, people, tentacles!\u00a0 Expand beyond the ordinary, use your\u00a0imagination!)<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Like I said, that poor, cab driver.\u00a0\u00a0Because with three girls in the back, guess who sat next to him up front.\u00a0 You got it.\u00a0 Me!\u00a0 I was good, I only tried to get him to join the conversation once.\u00a0 He’d obviously had experience with drunks but I doubt with sexy drunk 40 year olds!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

And what made it the best GNO ever?\u00a0 I\u00a0got to laugh.\u00a0\u00a0Usually I’m entertaining and I love it but these girls were also “away” from all their regular lives and their sense of freedom was off the charts.\u00a0 The four of us were riffing off each other in a way that left me speechless (and you know how almost impossible that is) with laughter.\u00a0 I was begging them to stop and dancing around doing the pee-pee dance because for once it was me who needed the Depends!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

I did pay the price though.\u00a0 Once in the room without the distraction of my girls my\u00a0body reminded me of\u00a0WHY drinking too much is not good for me.\u00a0 I drink the sugary drinks so I forget I’m hungry\u00a0and don’t eat.\u00a0 I hovered on the bathroom floor begging my body to puke so I could sleep and it just would not cooperate.\u00a0 Not even with a finger down the throat (although I did note when\u00a0I did that, there’s a lot of room down my throat and my gag reflex is lessened.\u00a0 I think the husband is going to enjoy me testing my new limits in oral sex).<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

With time (and frankly a huge poop) I finally thought I’d try that masturbation\/ distraction technique from an earlier blog.\u00a0\u00a0 Looking back now I was probably\u00a0experiencing a form of seasickness!\u00a0 \u00a0I lay on my stomach on the floor (because really guys, that’s how most women masturbate) and just doing that felt soooo good I didn’t even try my theory.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Which was fine because trying to masturbate on the cold hard tile of a bathroom is difficult!\u00a0 Almost too uncomfortable to get off!\u00a0\u00a0 Smirk… yes, I do know first hand!\u00a0 Sometimes you just NEED that clitoral orgasm and if you have to get out of bed to get it, well… you do!<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

BEST GNO… EVER!!! While Kim napped I went to the concierge to find a place to take the girls on GNO.\u00a0 And passed right past him because he looked 70!\u00a0 Instead I\u00a0went to a young male check in clerk who, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-470","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-naughty-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/470","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=470"}],"version-history":[{"count":12,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/470\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5164,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/470\/revisions\/5164"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=470"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=470"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=470"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}