{"id":1067,"date":"2010-03-24T05:25:57","date_gmt":"2010-03-24T12:25:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=1067"},"modified":"2025-11-04T11:13:25","modified_gmt":"2025-11-04T18:13:25","slug":"bullys-beware","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=1067","title":{"rendered":"Bully’s Beware"},"content":{"rendered":"

My youngest looks like a mini-version of his father but, well, in many ways he’s all me when it comes to his personality.\u00a0 He wants what he wants, when he wants it.\u00a0 And he’ll pout, manipulate or pitch a fit sometimes when he’s denied. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Then there’s his impact on those around him.\u00a0 He’s trained his older brothers to run when he loses his temper.\u00a0 I keep telling them, he’s only 8 and you’re almost a foot taller than him and twice his weight.\u00a0 Don’t let him push you around.\u00a0 “But he’s going to kill us!” is their response. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

So I’m quite proud he’s NOT a bullying personality, despite his loose control of his temper.\u00a0 When he does get angry he tends to put himself in a time out these days.\u00a0\u00a0 And he doesn’t get bored or lonely which is half the problem of a bully.\u00a0 Like me he’s perfectly happy to play alone.\u00a0 And like his father he’s perfectly happy to get lost in his own thoughts.\u00a0 One would think that a solitary child would get bullied.\u00a0 And I just found out he does.\u00a0 But listen to how he handles it.
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When he was in kindergarten he was invited to a birthday party.\u00a0 All the kids were playing in a field and according to Conor… he had gone up to the birthday boy and thanked him for inviting him to the party.\u00a0 The birthday boy rudely said, “I didn’t invite you, my mom did… I<\/em> didn’t want you here.”\u00a0 \u00a0Conor got upset and, well, attacked him.\u00a0 Parents were quickly on the scene and no damage was done. Or so I was told as I wasn’t there, the spouse was.
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Perhaps most parents would be shocked but I was a little proud.\u00a0 That boy won’t be insulting CONOR again… and perhaps he’s learned that words have a consequence, also.\u00a0 Yes, Conor was spoken to about handling his feelings with his fists.\u00a0 And today he proved he’s learned it. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Conor has been bullied for the past few months by this 5th<\/sup> grader who apparently has been doing verbal abuse to everyone “forever” according to Evan, my 5th<\/sup> grader.\u00a0 When Jacob first started spreading rumors, (he spread a rumor around the school that Conor pooped on the bathroom floor) Conor couldn’t understand WHY Jacob would say lies about him. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

I heard Evan explain these facts of life to his younger brother, “That’s just Jacob.\u00a0 He does that.\u00a0 There’s no stopping him.” <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Conor took that as face value so he didn’t take the lies personally and forgot about it.\u00a0 I didn’t hear any more reports until today.\u00a0 Today Evan and Conor were discussing the fact Conor got a sorry out of Jacob because Conor tattled. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Questioning what happened got me this story.\u00a0 Apparently Jacob told Conor he “sucked balls”.\u00a0 (Luckily this conversation took place in the car so they couldn’t see me smile at THAT one.)\u00a0\u00a0 When I asked Conor how he replied to that he admitted he did something wrong.\u00a0 He sadly told me, “I said a bad thing about his mother.”\u00a0 I cringed but asked for more details.\u00a0 “I said his mom would make Medusa turn to stone.” <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Evan chimes in, “And Jacob just walked away.\u00a0 I didn’t think anyone would get him to do that.” <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Holding\u00a0 back my chuckles and trying NOT to beam with a little pride I reassured Conor that I felt he’d handled that situation pretty well.\u00a0 Hey… not reacting with his fists… that’s an improvement!\u00a0 Of course, apparently Jacob is twice Conor’s size, with A.D.D. to the power of 10 and his parents have given up on trying to modify his behavior. \u00a0\u00a0I guess my young gladiator won’t engage an unknown opponent out of his weight class! <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

But honestly… this Jacob kid needs to be beat up.\u00a0 Oh stop judging me!\u00a0 We’ve taken so much aggression out of our kids they don’t know how to defend themselves.\u00a0 They just take it, letting bullies and people walk over them.\u00a0 How is that preparing them for being strong adults.\u00a0 I’m not saying bring back the Dueling System, but if your kid verbally abuses mine again and again, my kid should have the right to punch yours. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

That’s all I’m saying.\u00a0 And what do I plan on teaching my kids?\u00a0 Try to handle it with negotiation or explanation, then do your best to ignore the perpetrator.\u00a0 But if nothing gets it to stop or it gets physical, then take it physical yourself but be ready for the consequences and take them too. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Because you don’t have to TAKE abuse, just because someone dishes it out.\u00a0 And I’m not going to let my kids grow up believing THAT!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Oh and a last note… remember the post way back when about the combined birthday party with the\u00a0 huge bouncy in the park where the Autistic impulse control issue child ended up fighting the girls because the “name called” (which was his button) …. turns out one of the girls was Jacob’s older sister.\u00a0\u00a0 Hmmmm…. patterns.
\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n


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My youngest looks like a mini-version of his father but, well, in many ways he’s all me when it comes to his personality.\u00a0 He wants what he wants, when he wants it.\u00a0 And he’ll pout, manipulate or pitch a fit … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1067","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-the-joy-of-family"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1067","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1067"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1067\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3325,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1067\/revisions\/3325"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1067"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1067"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1067"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}