{"id":1103,"date":"2010-03-26T09:26:21","date_gmt":"2010-03-26T16:26:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=1103"},"modified":"2025-11-04T11:13:11","modified_gmt":"2025-11-04T18:13:11","slug":"reasons-god-is-a-woman-and-not-a-guy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=1103","title":{"rendered":"Reasons God is a Woman and not a Guy"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong>I was listening to a comic [Kurt Metzger] (because I&#8217;m multi-tasking my work and t.v. watching) and he explained WHY he thinks God is really a woman not a man.\u00a0 I thought, OMG he is so right on.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong>Because in reading the bible he came away with these impressions.<br \/>\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong>1. You gotta <em>worship<\/em> him and tell him how &#8220;great&#8221; he is every *&amp;$% day of your life!<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong>2. He&#8217;s got a lot of long boring stories that you <em>HAVE<\/em> to listen to.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong>3.\u00a0 He ruins your Sunday, every &amp;*%$^ Sunday. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong>4.\u00a0 He always needs <em>YOUR<\/em> money for some reason.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong> <em>I&#8217;ll go it a few steps further<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong>5.\u00a0 He&#8217;s obsessed with fidelity&#8230; God forbid you even LOOK at another.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong>6.\u00a0\u00a0 You do the littlist thing wrong and you&#8217;re in HELL.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong>7.\u00a0\u00a0 You have to somehow &#8220;read his mind&#8221; and figure out WHAT will keep you out of the doghouse.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong>OR<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong>8.\u00a0\u00a0 You have to go to his &#8220;friends&#8221; to interpret what he&#8217;s thinking.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong>That&#8217;s why I like to think of God as more of a stoned George Carlin&#8230;. up there in heaven, all relaxed.\u00a0 Watching us like were interesting television.. interactive interesting television.\u00a0\u00a0 His mind expanded so he can see all the roads of our actions but limited in what he can do about it.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong>Kind of like the sports fan yelling at the television as he watches the action.\u00a0\u00a0 With the screen a barrier of &#8220;free will&#8221;.\u00a0\u00a0 Yea&#8230; that&#8217;s how I like to see God.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong>Did I mention its Basketball Season!!<br \/>\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #993300;\"><strong> <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I was listening to a comic [Kurt Metzger] (because I&#8217;m multi-tasking my work and t.v. watching) and he explained WHY he thinks God is really a woman not a man.\u00a0 I thought, OMG he is so right on. Because in &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=1103\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1103","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-just-ramblings"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1103","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1103"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1103\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1127,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1103\/revisions\/1127"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1103"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1103"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1103"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}