{"id":2737,"date":"2011-12-09T10:53:32","date_gmt":"2011-12-09T17:53:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=2737"},"modified":"2025-11-02T17:46:21","modified_gmt":"2025-11-03T00:46:21","slug":"when-sex-is-too-casual","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/?p=2737","title":{"rendered":"When sex is TOO casual"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I bet you never thought you’d hear me say that.\u00a0 But the other day I was meeting an interesting new man and I had an epiphany.\u00a0 (Two actually but one was on my writing (I posted it already) & not about me.\u00a0 Ok.. not about me & sex… sheesh people stop “lawyering” me!)<\/p>\n

Aaaanyway… During the coffee meet I realized my libido was having an internal discussion.\u00a0 Well, more like she was talking to herself… evaluating this man.\u00a0 Yes, yes, that’s normal on a meet from a dating site… even a sex dating site… but I’ve found that I find MOST men I’ve met, interesting in some way.\u00a0 Interesting enough for my libido that is… who is remembering my “he’s interesting” response to Sex God & how after a few months of chatting he somehow manifested into the perfect sex partner for me.<\/p>\n

So my libido is naturally inclined to “test” each man not just on a meet but in the bedroom and I think I’ve said “yes” to some men just on that basis.\u00a0 I also end up testing to see just how fun they are OUTSIDE the bedroom which is a HUGE component of what I search for in a FWB.\u00a0 Of the men I’ve met since I re-opened my profile there are only a select few who’ve managed to hit all my criteria for an FWB.<\/p>\n

My Phat Boy… who is close, wonderful in bed, with gorgeous blue eyes & is absolutely NOT shy about going out with me & crowing to other men he’s with me.<\/p>\n

My Hottie… who loves the same music as I, is simply delicious naked & is so engaging in conversation we tend to forget we’d made plans to go out. lol.\u00a0 When I told him I’ve fallen in love with the new album from Young the Giant he started listening to their music & is now sharing the enthusiasm with me.\u00a0 I’ve been soooo pressing for him to join me at Coachella next year!<\/p>\n

My Santa Barbara Cub who is the perfect afternoon delight cuz he runs his own business from anywhere, has a tool almost identical to Sex God’s and has the most unique perspective on life I’ve ever seen… it just fascinates me.\u00a0 Oh and the BEST ass I’ve ever seen on a man, and I’ve seen many an ass! \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n

Mmmmm… sexy ass…. where was I?\u00a0 Oh yes.. my epiphany.<\/p>\n

As I was talking to this man & giving him the once over, I realized my only interest was more out of pity than desire.\u00a0 He had exotic looks being half German (from Germany) and half Asian.\u00a0 But like other German men I’d met, he had little muscle on his frame.\u00a0 Not overweight.. just… soft looking.\u00a0 He also wasn’t spouting enthusiasm.\u00a0 In other words, he wasn’t finding me so fascinating or the subject of our discussion captivating that he couldn’t wait to spend more time with me.\u00a0 These things tend to make me desire to spend more time with HIM.<\/p>\n

And as we said goodbye at my car, I found myself almost getting ready to give him the “oh, we should get together some time, I’ll email you my info” line that I’ve said so often after a meet.\u00a0 And I stopped myself.\u00a0 I just couldn’t half-lie to this man & then later either stall a play date till he stops asking or sacrifice one of my few play nights to go out with him.<\/p>\n

Because, as most women know, one never knows how a man will take rejection.\u00a0 I truly despise hurting a person & trashing their hopes.\u00a0 Sooo often in the past when I wanted to break up with someone I’d stall and stall until finally the thought of hurting them was so less repugnant than spending another moment with them.\u00a0 Only THEN could I break it off.<\/p>\n

Once, a long time ago, I was leaving my BF’s apartment after a slight confrontation where I wasn’t nearly as upset over our tiff as he thought I should be.\u00a0 He comes chasing after me & says to me as I’m pulling out… “At what point in time where you going to tell me you’d stopped being my girlfriend!”\u00a0 I replied, “Now works.”\u00a0 And drove off.\u00a0 Yea, bad… but funny!<\/em><\/p>\n

Yet, if I’ve learned ONE thing in this new growth of discovery, which is my life, its to leap into Fate’s lessons.\u00a0 So I was nice but honest and told him I didn’t think there was chemistry.\u00a0 He was nice and honest & said these things happen.\u00a0\u00a0 And we parted ways…<\/p>\n

And Wowza… did I feel GREAT about it!!<\/p>\n

I’d done it!\u00a0 I’d resisted my… “ooohhh… but look at him.. when was the last time he had sex?\u00a0 And sex is so fun, he should be having as much fun as you do.”\u00a0 community service feeling about intimacy.<\/p>\n

But see… while I’m all for casual sex and I can have tons of casual sex (with condoms… get real people!) without feeling bad or needing an emotional connection….\u00a0 (which i s why I’d make such a happy hooker..) … Sex equals time.\u00a0 And TIME is what I’m starting to have less and less of.<\/p>\n

Because usually at this point, when I’ve got several new friends to discover and play with, this is the point I usually close my profile and play just with my new or favorite men.\u00a0 And I’m looking at my calendar shaking my head saying.. hell, when am I even going to fit Sex God in!?!<\/p>\n

I have many meets ahead… and I think Fate is going to give me a lot of practice in being honest & saying no in person.\u00a0 Because she keeps distracting me with images of Hottie, & Phat Boy, Sex God & B with the taunting words of “is this worth giving up a day with them?”<\/p>\n

Obviously… she was seriously paying attention when I read the Merry Gentry series by Laurel K Hamilton… cuz MERRY ended up with LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of men!<\/p>\n

Then again…. they’d all play together. \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I bet you never thought you’d hear me say that.\u00a0 But the other day I was meeting an interesting new man and I had an epiphany.\u00a0 (Two actually but one was on my writing (I posted it already) & not … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2737","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-naughty-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2737","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2737"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2737\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3137,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2737\/revisions\/3137"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2737"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2737"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.heatherbarton.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2737"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}