I was listening to a comic [Kurt Metzger] (because I’m multi-tasking my work and t.v. watching) and he explained WHY he thinks God is really a woman not a man. I thought, OMG he is so right on.
Because in reading the bible he came away with these impressions.
1. You gotta worship him and tell him how “great” he is every *&$% day of your life!
2. He’s got a lot of long boring stories that you HAVE to listen to.
3. He ruins your Sunday, every &*%$^ Sunday.
4. He always needs YOUR money for some reason.
I’ll go it a few steps further
5. He’s obsessed with fidelity… God forbid you even LOOK at another.
6. You do the littlist thing wrong and you’re in HELL.
7. You have to somehow “read his mind” and figure out WHAT will keep you out of the doghouse.
OR
8. You have to go to his “friends” to interpret what he’s thinking.
That’s why I like to think of God as more of a stoned George Carlin…. up there in heaven, all relaxed. Watching us like were interesting television.. interactive interesting television. His mind expanded so he can see all the roads of our actions but limited in what he can do about it.
Kind of like the sports fan yelling at the television as he watches the action. With the screen a barrier of “free will”. Yea… that’s how I like to see God.
Did I mention its Basketball Season!!