I’ve been online dating now for 2 years and I’ve learned A LOT from the experience. So I decided to write a series of helpful tips. One thing that I’ve learned is that most men don’t know anything about how to maximize this process to their advantage. And the largest key they neglect is the photo.
Some people obviously took an old photo, scanned it and posted it. Some men going so far as to crop out of the shot that girlfriend/wife/kid or whoever was with them. This is a HUGE no-no. ALWAYS show you’re serious about dating (even sex site dating) by putting in the effort to take new photo.
My 1st view of Sex God
And some photos were so perfect I really doubted it wasn’t stolen. Some people took only face shots with no body shots while others did the opposite refusing to show you their face unless you asked. And then there were the exhibitionists who gave you so many naked shots and it still wasn’t enough to them. They had to upload video! But most men just cannot manage to take a good picture of themselves. See example one…. total 40 year old Geek.
Now, true I was on a “casual relationship” site and NOT on a “looking for love” site but that’s where most men will go for online dating. At least at first. lol. Because men enjoy dating for sex but not so much dating for relationships. Lets be honest about that. If a man is on another site.. he’s probably working the numbers because more women are on the “dating for relationships” sites.
So as I viewed profiles I saw what worked and what didn’t. I believe the rule of three comes in nicely here. You want at least two face shots which show very different expressions, i.e. sides, of your personality. And you want at least one good body shot. If you give a woman or man at least two different “looks” (sultry siren or brooding bad boy and laughing smiling you) then if one picture doesn’t appeal to his or her libido perhaps the other picture might. So to compete.. MINIMUM of 3 pictures.
You can freely put up more and make them as revealing as you want. Or you can post body shots without a face shot saving those face shots for inclusion with an email. This is a personal decision based on how comfortable you are posting pictures of yourself on the internet. But if you do not have pictures on your profile you need to include them with your emails. Chemistry begins with a visual and all the eloquent words in the world will not get a sparking connection without one. Plus if you cannot include a picture the other party may wonder why and just turn you down because of that. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot before you get out the gate
(Although, note to men. A woman only needs ONE shot of your erection, should you feel the need to advertise it. Not three and certainly not six! Yet, ladies, to be fair to these men… there are many women on sex sites where size IS their criteria and many men have been asked by women to provide a shot of their erection. The funniest one I saw was taken next to a vhs tape to provide size perspective. Apparently he didn’t think we could judge that if he took the shot wide enough to include his body!)
Now almost every newer computer these days comes with a camera function. And most of those cameras are pretty good! The beauty of using them is you get to view your expression before you take the shot, not after. You can adjust the lighting, fix your hair, and stand in just the right way to get maximum results out of your full body pix.
If for some reason you manage to have a computer that doesn’t have a camera most people resort to the camera phone in the bathroom. This shot can be tricky because of the flash. Although I’ve seen people use the flash to strategically hide their face if they want that identity kept secret. The bathroom shot is probably most used to show off a little skin. Limit this, both the skin shots and using the bathroom as your photo studio. No one comes across as anything but cheap when ALL their pictures are old shots or bathroom shots. Take the time to enlist a friend to take some shots of you. Hell, if you can’t ask a friend go outside and ask a stranger!
Make these shots as candid as possible. In today’s digital world you can take shot after shot with no expense to you. And most computer programs come up with wonderful editing programs allowing you to crop and take out any red eye issues. Use the following hints to get the best photo you can.
Sex God’s sexy look
One: Practice your looks in your bathroom mirror before you get anywhere near a camera. Get drunk if you have to. But you know you have a sexy and seductive look inside you and you need to bring that out. Try this. Just think about how much you enjoy sex, let your eyes get a little sleepy by closing them just a little and smile like you’re holding in a delicious thought as a secret. That is the look anyone can use to project clear interest in the opposite sex. If you can get a shot of it on film people will be enticed by it.
Two: While in the mirror see which works best for you: chin tilted up or down; head pointed straight or slightly left or right; straight on body shot to show off curves or more of a side shot to minimize yourself.
Three: Glasses or contacts? Clean shaved or beard or a little shadow? Hair up or down or in a hat? The answer to all these questions is YES! All the above. Give as many variations as possible. If you wear glasses, but only sometimes, include a shot of you in them. They may find that attractive. And the goal here is to hit them with at least one picture that sparks interest. You MUST stop any automatic “no” as quickly as possible and getting her libido to say, “hold on…I kinda like that” will do the job perfectly.
Four: Try taking your picture in indirect lighting. Not in direct sunlight but not in total shade either. And take it outdoors. Most of us look better in natural lighting and unless you’re standing under a skylight, this means get out of your house, apartment and bathroom. But watch your backdrop. Don’t go to some place so busy you’re holding up pedestrian traffic to get that shot of you on the pier. And don’t go someplace obviously just a plain wall. Greenery is always nice but not necessary. And make yourself the center of the shot.. don’t pull out a vacation shot where you’re minuscule next to a monument.
Five: Wardrobe is important. Do NOT wear clothing that over conceals your body. No downy, snow jackets. No flowing dresses that leave you shapeless. No hats or sunglasses that cover your face. Well, maybe sunglasses in one face shot would be acceptable. They can be very useful in pulling off that sexy look, but you’re better off trying to get that shot without them. And it’s not hard to take a change of clothing to a location for pictures taking. For guys a different shirt or two and a stylish jacket. For women hose and a dress often go easily over jeans for a quick public change. (Don’t be shy… no one KNOWS you & bras are really just bikini tops!) And make sure the colors of your shirts really work for you. Make a note of all the pictures of you that you felt were terrible…is there a pattern in the color shirt you were wearing? Same goes for the pictures you liked.
Six: You can get artistic in the cropping of a picture but don’t go overboard. I saw a very interestingly cropped picture of about three-quarters of a man’s face. It gave him a very intriguing look. On the flip side, a woman had cropped pictures of her body to look very tantalizing and then admitted she’d gained “a few pounds” since those pictures were taken. Crop to your advantage but be honest about it. No one likes to go to effort and then feel they’d been lied to.
Even with a goofball smile this says a lot about this man
Seven: Make sure these are the best shots you can get of your personality. You don’t need something professionally done but you do need to put a little effort into it. These are the visual props needed to appeal to the hind-brain of the opposite sex. The connection to that animal attraction, you can call it. If they aren’t somewhat flattering, you won’t get emails. Its okay if they don’t look as good as you do in person, but they shouldn’t look a lot worse than who you are in person. And never, ever post what looks like a professional prom head shot. Trust me on this, just don’t.
And Eight: Be honest about yourself and with yourself. If you’re a Big, Beautiful Woman you should have pictures that show yourself to your best advantage but don’t hide it. There are men out there that love the BBW and are actively looking for YOU, especially if you’ve accepted it and love it. If you’re a man who’s carrying a little (or a lot) of weight don’t post a picture of when you weren’t. A recent picture is more honest and you’ll have a better response when you actually meet that person.
Next up… the dreaded first approach or email.