Family gathering is never without SOME drama! lol Without my oldest melting down into an Anxiety mess or my youngest stomping off announcing he’s going to kill us all. But we had ALL the family together for this one.
My sister & her family drove up from San Diego & were staying at my mothers. So I go over on Thanksgiving day, with my boys, at 10 am to help out and socialize. Before I even get to leave I get a call that my brother-in-law wants to take the boys to a movie with his kids. Its an animated one so only my two younger ones want to go. I’m fine with it so we hurry over.
As we arrive, I’m surprised as I watch my sister hop in the car with them. Off they go to see Arthur Christmas, leaving me, my oldest son Luke and my mother to finish any cooking or setting up. With little socializing at all to be had. I talk to my Mom daily! Almost 3 hours later my sister comes back with the kids & without her husband. I find out that apparently my sister didn’t go to the movie, she went shopping with my sister-in-law. And once the movie was done, she left her husband at my brothers to watch some football. They’re taking turns with their kids.
Granted their kids are only 5 & 7 and at that age they’re still a handful. Especially when you won’t let them watch much t.v. And they’re one boy & one girl so they don’t really play the same way nor want to play much with each other. And I completely get the exhaustion & desire of a vacation from kids.
But what I don’t get is why my mother and I are such bad company. Why did I drag my kids over so early to help & see my sister if she was just going to bail & see my sister-in-law who she sees all the time. Who she hung out with at my mothers the night before.
When my sister got back, she sat & talked with us a little bit & then convinced the kids to go on a scavenger walk looking for leaves, etc. This time my middle one stayed back. My mother leafed through magazines while T-Day texts blew up my phone (irritates my Mom but pleases me to no end! I love it, though) Once back from the nature hike my sister saw my mother & I working in the kitchen. The turkey was almost out of the oven & we were working on the last things needed cooking. And she asked if we wouldn’t mind if she went out for a little jog. I think it was our surprised looks that prompted her excuses of “I need it. It’ll be a short run. You’ve got everything in hand. The kids will be fine.”
My sister is a stick. No fat anywhere on her body. Barely eats, tans in the bed. Needless to say she looks way closer to 50 than I do & she’s 5 years younger than I! And she’s much more narcissistic. Designer clothes, expensive trips & has always needed help with her kids. (Granted her oldest got her genetic hyperactivity & her husband was a Navy Doc, then a new practice Doc, then a University Doc & now back to a Navy Doc… so not as “lump in the room” there as other husbands, but also so super busy my sister has to do the majority of the parenting.)
But much of her time is about her. Even the social time with the family. Most of us are used to it, but today… Thanksgiving… I’m sitting here wondering where did MY day go. At what point did my mother and I get to do what WE wanted? Would I have enjoyed shopping? Yes, actually I would have. But I wouldn’t have done it and left my Mom alone on Thanksgiving.
Its not the meal. That’s not why I love Thanksgiving. Its spending it with others… with adults. That is what is fun and enjoyable about Thanksgiving. Its why my Mother loves it also. Instead its become: show up for dinner, socialize during it, help with clean up, have desert and bail. Why am I helping to cook all day a big dinner for this?
Worse, the only time I enjoyed myself (beyond the texting all day) was the brief moment my sister-in-law asked if I was still dating “that guy you brought over last summer” i.e. Sex God. I said, I’d date him forever and she looked at me strangely. Because she’s happily married. I gave her the usual… neither of us will ever marry & we’re good with that.
As we were getting ready to leave I realized something. I realized that the only time I enjoyed myself was when the conversation was about me. Or when I had something to contribute to it. And I have less and less in common with my relatives. I might have a little on common musically with my 17 year old nephew but my influence would probably corrupt the poor child. I don’t read the same books as them. I don’t ski or water ski or camp. I’m not a Republican. I’m not in their tax bracket. And I definitely don’t go to THEIR church… worse.. I don’t go to any church.
Sometimes when I’m with them… I’m only half me. I’m mostly just a Mom. Maybe a minute of discussion of how work is going or if I am writing anything. All just parts of me & not what I’m exceptionally passionate about. The things that seem exciting to me, I cannot discuss any of this with my family.
Although in turnabout I often don’t discuss my kids or my family much with that other part of my life. Except with Sex God. As my “boyfriend” he gets the whole package… all of me. He’s seen and still likes “Mom” me and even met my entire family. If his Ex & kids didn’t need him for the holidays I’d beg his company with me.
Just so I could genuinely smile at someone during the evening.