I know that title sounds pretty daffy, but I got the most wonderful surprise a Wednesday ago when my Ex picked up our sons for his usual dinner. Now when the pick up and drop off usually happens I’m on my laptop, watching t.v. so I’m not watching the car or paying any attention other than to yell a “bye!” back to them when they holler it up at me.
But my ears picked up the word “grandmother” when they got picked up and the phrase, “I’ll tell my mom you said Hi” when they got dropped off and rightly assumed my Ex was getting a visit from his mother. And I was thrilled for the boys.
See most of my Ex’s family live in Wisconsin, where he’s from, including his mother. And he rarely travels to see them since he’s more of a solitary type who’s done a lot of work to keep his family away from himself. He may have done some growing since we’ve been divorced but I seriously doubt he’s done very much more than email contact during that time! And during our 13 years of marriage he actively avoided his family, especially his mother. So I ended up being the one who kept in contact with her, insisted we send the poor woman $20 a month to try and help her out (7 surviving children and she’s struggling to make ends meet and many of those kids are VERY well off… Republicans, sigh) and would chat for hours with her on the cell phone.
I loved her! She was a sweet-hearted gem of a woman who only wished her kids happiness and to hear the news of the grand kids. Listening to her stories of raising 8 kids as a city girl dumped into the farming lifestyle always brought out the, “Oh my, how did you survive it!” outa me. Abusive, alcoholic, Irish Catholic husband with her a timid, self effacing personality, yet with a determined to be happy attitude. How could one NOT love her! 6 boys and 2 girls & the oldest girl gets a kidney disease very young so now Marian was canning & gardening & raising kids & cooking & laundry & dialysis for her daughter & marriage-raped by night by the drunken husband. It SUCKED! (And he’s a total ass, met him and hope my kids never have to meet him again!)
The boys had a great time at dinner with their Grandmother and I told them all about how wonderful she is. They also got to go on a hike with her on Saturday and Evan & Conor had a weekend with her. They told me she got along with the Ex’s GF Bonnie and I wasn’t surprised at all. Marian is a wonderful woman who wants her kids to be happy. I know she’ll never understand “me” but she’ll also never hate me. I’m the mother of her grandkids and she’s not the type of person to hold onto grudges or anger in any way. And she’s just as accepting of a new girlfriend as she is of the old, cuz that’s just how awesome she is.
I’m thrilled she got to visit the boys since they haven’t seen her in at least 4 years. And its nice to know she’s alive and well since I think she’s in her 80’s!