So I picked up my new glasses yesterday from Costco and I was as giddy as a schoolgirl over it. Finally, the icing on the cake that is my upgrade. You can just hear the “but” can’t you! Well they do look great on me, although my day pair (the one with the bi-focals) are a little darker than I expected…and didn’t we pick something that looked more unique? I can’t remember. The party pair look absolutely fabulous and I’ve been wearing them for the most part.
But…when I got home the party pair looked a little smudged so I cleaned them with the clothes they gave me and it just wouldn’t come off. It’s almost as if both lenses have these permanent smudges on them. I can still see clear…but it’s like a badly cleaned window…just a little more rubbing and it would be clean. So I may have to take them in to Costco and see what’s up with that and whether or not it can be fixed for free.
And then there is the wonderful new experience of bi-focals. As if going from large oval frames to small cute rectangles wasn’t enough of an adjustment, now I have this completely blurry line mid-vision which is the delineation between the two prescriptions. And why is that! I don’t need a delineation line…my vision would adjust very well without it. Which is why everyone said to go prescriptives but with such small frames I didn’t think I could find the ‘reading circle’ so I opted for the bi-focals. It worked wonderfully today at the gym. I could glance up and actually seeread the clock! And reading on the elliptical machine is incredibly easy now. So I happily go upstairs and do my ‘planks’ (I was so late up I had to skip the rest of the weights and rush to the shower). Of course, with my hair back I look quite like the school teacher (young man, see me after class) and I wasn’t paying that much attention but as I glanced down with my eyes while taking that first step my lizard brain panicked.
Remember these frames are half the size my lizard brain is used to so a glance down was complete blurry. I jerked my head down and watched the stairs flow into this weird Picasso pattern of clear, slightly blurry and are you looking through cheesecloth! Thankfully my reflexes are spot on because I grabbed the rail as my body went into adrenaline overload and my feet blindly trusted I knew what the fuck I was doing. I have since learned to carefully negotiate that first step. And there are a hell of a lot of stairs in my life. I live in a two story house…my gym is about two flights up and down and then there is the upper level with the weights and I work in a two story home. So the learning curve is sharp and constant! But I think the bi-focals are really going to help me while I work between looking at the paper and up at the computer screen. If I can just get out of the habit of looking over the top of my glasses and dragging the paper close!
I remember laughing at this joke that now has such new meaning for me. Someone was explaining Prescriptive type lenses to the comedian. He said you’ll see close, far and farther. So the guy says as he tilts his head…”Oh look a bird, and there’s plane, oooo, Alpha Centauri.”
On another note, ya’ll. Thanks for the comments. I’ve been replying to them so if you want my replies I think you have to check the comments section. So please…as if reading the blog isn’t enough work for you lazy bums…check the comments to see the back and forth. I like to think of the blog as a mass email to you guys as well as such fascinating reading for the world…Narcissist, me? Well, yes okay I admit…bite me!