So I’m in my rental van, the only adult with 5 boys, and we are driving back from swimming in the pool in this Minnesota vacation. In the back bench seat I have Jacob (4) in a car seat, Conor next to him (6), and my cousin Andrew (8), yeah I said cousin. In the two captains chairs behind the front seats sit Evan (8) and Luke (10).
As we drive, there is some occasional conversation. Andrew has decided he is going to tell Jacob and Conor about every nightmare he has ever had because he can remember every nightmare he has ever had. I am paying only half attention; because basically I’m just the referee. Jacob asks some good questions and Andrew politely answers them, but after too many he flat out tells Jacob, “I just need to finish this story so stop interrupting.”
Jacob lasts about two minutes and then starts acting out some of the nightmares and then moves into pretending he’s talking on the phone saying, “Yes…o.k…right…I’m talking to Arden. Arden is my sister,” he tells all. Someone interrupts and the conversation goes something like this.
“Last night Arden ran around naked.”
“Did you see her butt and her privates?” lots of giggles.
“She has no penis.”
“That’s ‘cause she’s a girl.”
“I once saw a boy naked and he had no penis.”
“He must have had an affliction.” Andrew declares. “My dad has an affliction.”
I am SOOOO paying attention NOW!
Andrew goes on…”When his eyes do this, this eye only moves to here.” Rapt silence as he continues, “I have an affliction too.” And he describes something about his toe that is too visual for me to figure out… after all I’m driving here!
Jacob throws his arms out straight, fists balled tight and yells, “My affliction is shooting fire out my arms!” and adds all the appropriate sound effects.
“No!” says Andrew and several others. “That is not an affliction.”
“Afflictions are different from Powers.” More joint choruses.
“My affliction is that I don’t have good self control” says Conor.
“No,” says Andrew. “An affliction is something of the body and you’re born with it”
“Then I don’t know what my affliction is!” Conor says, now getting upset. Jacob is still shooting passing cars with his fire-arms.
“Not everyone has an affliction.” Many voices reassure him.
“You mean I don’t have to have an affliction!” yells Conor, visibly relieved.
I am valiantly trying not to drive into a ditch because I am laughing so hard.
Boys Rock!