Life has been insane, lately. Up and down in such unusual ways I’ve been feeling VERY much like Fate is taking waaaaayyy too much interest in my life. Last year I was buoyant on my new life and relished Fate’s interest. I rolled with everything because the horizon looked soooo appetizing, how could anything Fate brings me NOT be in my best interests?!
Amusingly, I know I feel a bit differently now. I sense it. Like a storm you see on the horizon. No, no.. that’s the typical way of describing this. But what it REALLY feels like is sensing something… something BIG… is coming up behind you while driving. You get a little uneasy for no conscious reason.
So I’ve been looking at my relationship with Sex God, my job, my dating, my writing, my parenting… basically I’ve been looking at my whole life, holding it up to the light and comparing it to the past and the possibilities in the future. (I tend to do this a lot. I blame my Aries attention span & my narcissist need adoration.)
And I’ve been coming up with “Eh.”
I laugh because that’s exactly where I am right now. I’m in between. Half in limbo and half moving forward and it sometimes puts me in this half frustrated/ half tolerant mood. Basically, a shrug and a sigh.. an ” Eh.”
And of course you know what they say about how you “Bring your Karma” to you? Well, apparently I’ve been experiencing it. Lets start with last Thursday.
It’s the day before I leave for Coachella. I’ve given myself 50 things to do cuz I’m both a compulsive completer AND a selfish procrastinator, leaving TONS I want to do before I go off. Taxes being the first thing.. after the shower and breakfast and laundry and packing and checking the list of things I need for Coachella.
So I FINALLY get BACK online with H&R Block to do my taxes… (I got stalled when the State portion told me I had to file Standard or Itemized Deductions the SAME as my ex since we’re technically Married and Filing Separately and I had to stop and ask him and wait for his reply, etc. etc.) …and I complete the process ONLY to have them tell me I CANNOT file online due to the fact I’m filing Married/Separate and they want $80 now.
Frustrated I look at the time and realize, “Crap I’d better get on the road to pick up my Dad!” He was coming in from a 10 day cruise. I didn’t go into work cuz I knew he was coming in but not WHEN. He called me at 8:30 and told me they should be off the boat at 11:00. So I left by 10:15 which should have given me enough time to get there by 11:00.
Then Fate steps in again. I don’t get good cell reception at home. When my Dad first called I realized it was him and called his number from my land line, telling him this. He forgot. So when I got into range again I had 3 messages from him telling me they got off the boat early.
Cursing I try to make up time on the freeways only to hit traffic which is COMPLETELY unusual at this hour. I get a hold of my Dad and explain the crazy circumstances and he lays on hesitations. “Maybe we should just take a cab.”
This totally pushes my buttons. “Sorting” time is just as important to me as sorting anything and when I “fail” I tend to get very, well, irritated is the least of it. So I’m plexing because I’m late, which is made worse with the traffic. I’m doing my best to talk myself into Zen mode and finally arrive. So worried I made them wait. But what I’m really mentally doing is composing my Facebook posting about how I realize every family needs a Fuck Up and I should apply for the position. After all I seem to be eminently qualified!!
When I finally get to San Pedro Harbor I almost laugh. 11:00 on the dot.
Driving back my Dad reminds me I have until Monday to file my taxes. Good news! A reprieve! I’ll whip out the 1040 on Monday! Reassuring myself that not ALL my recent decisions turn out disastrously.
Once home I check my emails. Because my instincts are feeling twitching. I’ve got that nagging voice in my head saying… you’re going to regret it if you don’t! And I stand there, staring at the screen, giggling. I’d won another contest from my radio station.
For free passes to Coachella! Hahahaha!