A bit ago, my three boys spent the first weekend with their Father since the “Bonnie” incident. (And yes, that’s her real name. I’d post her last name too if I knew it, cuz I’m just that kinda bitch!) and they said they had a fine time.
And I was so relieved.
I love my boys and want them happy. But changing the custody would have been a true pain to go through a fight in court over. And they need to learn the hard lesson of “sometimes life is difficult”. They don’t need a lesson that “life is horrible” but the occasional “life is difficult” can only make a person better.
Lord.. I’m probably tempting Fate just typing that! What little “difficult” is Fate going to drop in my lap now!”
According to the kids, Bonnie was there and politely pretending that nothing had happened. Well, she did have 12 days without the reminder of their presence so maybe that helped. They spent the entire Father’s Day out of the “Mancave” at the YMCA, the movies and to listen to Jazz at Descanso Gardens.
So they arrived Monday at my work (remember I work out of a home.. so they come with me the entire summer they have it off.) around 10:30 am in good spirits. And quick with hugs and “can we watch t.v.!”
Crisis averted. But it gave us all a lot of learning points. They learned Dad won’t stick up for them but Mom will. They also saw Dad make the effort to attend their graduations, which they didn’t think he’d do after the blow up. And when Evan’s sunburn blistered on his shoulders, they got to see me talk to my Ex in a concerned parent to parent voice and be heard, not ignored or dismissed.
What I learned was to make it a point to try to normally talk to the Ex in front of the kids whenever possible so when they see us together its not as combatants. My gut says this is important and I agree.
Because teaching conflict resolution is the most difficult for a parent to do. Mostly due to the fact we are rarely there when our kids are critically faced with it. Teachers usually are and they’ve been so “lawyerized” they cannot “do” anything to encourage proper discourse in a conflict.
But that is the one plus of having divorced parents! Lots and lots of example of handling conflict!