Within the last 6 months I’ve had two friends I’ve never met come to me for relationship advice. Not really that surprisingly. All my FB friends know ME and are my friends because they like ME… therefor they know I’m a good ear with interesting insight, especially for unusual situations. Ironically, my advice both times after hearing their sobs of “And then I found out he did THIS!” was a cautionary question of “Is this relationship good for you?” Cautionary because every story has two sides and I’m only hearing one of it, really.
Through their “But I love him!” wails and both did it, I pointed out their previous admission of feeling used and rejected and lied to and confused and alone. I tried to be helpful but neutral, an ear but also trying to provide sane suggestions.
I will admit that my advice is based on what I would do in their situation. I would leave. I’m all about survival of Heather when it comes to matters of the heart. Even with Sex God, my desire to have an open relationship was to protect myself as well as him. And when he had a six month bout of bad judgement I almost broke it off completely. If I’m in a relationship, any relationship, where I seem to be giving this HUGE amount and not getting even half of that reciprocated then I’m over-invested and obviously need to diversify! (Even my kids know they gotta do a bit to pull their share! hahaha)
Yet the truly interesting point to this blog (cuz who’s surprised people come to me for relationship advice! ha!) is how both friends solved their issues in markedly similar manners. Granted they are friends with each other and probably one did it and the other realized this was a working solution so tried it, but its STILL a very unique solution.
To see the solution you need a little bit of the problem. My friends had found out that their love had been cheating. One of them found out that all this time she’d taken him back into her heart he was lying to her that while he was still living with his ex wife it was for the sake of their kid, he wasn’t “WITH” her. That he loved her & wasn’t doing anything with the Ex. All the while lying to the Ex wife that he was still seeing my friend but only as a friend. (The other is even MORE complicated than THAT so I’ll not go into it!)
Anyway so my friend calls me to talk and explain that she found this out by talking to her lover’s Ex and the three of them are going to have a sit down meeting. The two women planning on going on the offensive on his ass. And later I see on her page a posting where she’s now in love with both her love and his wife. And then the OTHER Friend who was dealing with her love and his online love seemed to have also worked out a threesome relationship with his online love.
And suddenly I’m struck by this crazy thought… Is there a man shortage that I’m unaware of that a woman would choose to stay with a man who’d lied rather than look for one who didn’t? Don’t get me wrong… if this works for these women I’m all for it. After all, who am I to judge when I love my Sex God but we have a very open relationship with few boundaries.
Then before I can write & post this blog entry… THIS happens.
Which I’ll tell you about in the next post! Muahahahahaha 🙂