I apologize to anyone who actually reads the blog as it’s been almost a year since I’ve done a post! You must have thought I died from Covid. Happily me and my were unscathed, but we did a lot of masking and isolating!
I’d like to say I’ve been busy but in reality I’ve been adjusting to the whirlwind of what’s been going on in my life. Yes, I still (happily) work at IKEA and run my mother’s side business’s. But my almost 11 year relationship with Sex God has ended. For most of the last year his behavior became erratic and paranoid and then came to a head October 2020. He may never admit he’s struggling with some sort of mental illness but I’m done trying to keep his extremes from escalating into serious problems. So he has moved out, sadly leaving much of his (probably unsellable) art all over my house and owing me approximately $6,000 in unpaid rent/bills/car insurance of his I’ve paid for, etc.
But the peace and quiet in my house is wonderful. We are a house of 4, mostly introverts who enjoy our own company, spend time on the computers with headphone and just do our own thing. With Sex God there was always blasting noise and heavy footsteps and loud power tools as he watched t.v. or did his art through the day AND night. Plus his mood swings was bringing stress to my kids. So now I have my house and yard back. And I’ll soon have my garage back, even if I have to Goodwill or trash his art and leftover stuff. Don’t get me started on how much lower my food, water & power bill is ;D
So technically I’m ‘back on the market’ although I’m also 2 years from 60! The sex drive is saying “Do we really want to get naked? Isn’t masturbation enough for you?” And while I do love the positive vibes I get at work it’s just not as much fun as Cougar Heather (which is, obviously a psychological pitfall of having a large part of my insecure inner value sex based). But this time, it took about 6 months of me getting over the loss of what was my perfect partner before I even thought about dating again. I looked at all the dating site options before me trying to decide which one I should try and I realized a part of me was looking for a replacement for Sex God and thinking of trying a regular dating site for that. And I knew that was the wrong path for me.
When my Mother divorced my Dad she dated probably over a 10-12 year period. The men she dated did seem to get progressively better than the low bar of my Dad, but even when she was attached to them, they did a lot of letting her down until she finally just gave up and decided she was better off single. Particularly once she hit 50 and realized all the men looked at her RN degree and decided she would be great to take care of them in their old age when all she’d ever wanted was someone who took care of her. Now she’s 78, finally retired this year, and gets to do whatever she wants, when she wants, with her own earned money. She takes care of herself.
And we’ve always been a bit alike. I could easily give up sex right now, says my libido. Give up the attention of men, the enjoyment of being attractive to a man…. but I resisted. And updated my profile on the sex site…. and answered a bunch of emails, set up a few meets, and at one of those meets felt my libido wake up at the sound of the voice of the man and downright purr when I gave him a hug goodbye. (During Covid times I just can’t end the meet with a kiss like I used to….a year of 6 feet apart training has me a bit skittish!)
So yes, I’m back on the market of looking for FWB’s (friends with benefits) but there isn’t the intense libido driving me, just the relaxed older woman seeing if anything interesting approaches the shore.
Although I did have a wonderful play date with a very skilled, FABULOUSLY interesting, fun 24 year old which did a lot to remind my body how much I enjoy sex. 😉