One of the questions I’m often asked (and forgot to fill in on my online dating profile) is what I’m looking for on my little adventure. Yes, everyone assumes I’m looking for sex and that is a large part of the equation but only about 25% of it. What I’m really looking for is called FWB… Friends With Benefits.
Now that is a nicely vague definition of a lover isn’t it! But as I started to play in this new pool I began to get a better idea of what I was looking for. And first off I’ll explain why I’m looking for more than one.
No, I’m not being greedy! Or gluttonous! I’m protecting them and myself from drama. I know me (and often women in general here) and I can get just as easily attached to any man as a woman can. Even holding them at a distance or using logic… it won’t really matter. You’re brain will spend its quiet moments thinking about him and wondering what he’s doing. When are you going to get to see him again. Do you see the pitfall in this?
When he’s the only ONE you’re looking forward to seeing he becomes a natural direction for the attachment process. Your body will say… “hey, when are we going to have fun again?” and your brain will start to try to arrange that! And if its not often and he “rocked it” then a woman’s brain will start to whine that question.
And before you know it… you are no longer the woman he found interesting. Instead you’re a pre-girlfriend wanna-be.
I don’t like me when I turn into a pre-girlfriend wanna-be! I like me when I’m just me.. not me with ridiculous expectations about “where this is going”. I’d rather the comfortableness that it is “going” no where. We’re just two people enjoying each others company. To make sure I obtain that I plan on having several FWB’s to confuse the attachment process with lots of choices!
So people accuse me of having “attachment issues”. Maybe, but perhaps your definition of attachment is different than mine. This is what I’m looking for in a FWB.
Desire. The desire to genuinely enjoy his company even out of bed. The desire to cross the room and strip him naked as fast as I can. The feeling of mutual respect between us.. me to him and knowing its there from him to me. And top it all off with a little fondness and affection.
So I’m looking for my FWB = a genuine male friend that lusts me and I lust back with equal force. One down…. 6 or so to go!