In my life I’ve done a bit of traveling. When I was 5 and my brother was 3 & a half my mother had the opportunity to go to Sweden. I think she was even pregnant with my little sister at the time. Anyway she took that opportunity, and us, on the long air flight to Sweden.
We were in coach and she tells the story of the crazy kids running up and down the aisle. The stewardess (hey! That’s what they were called back then and I’m sticking to the period!) anyway the stewardess asks my mother to “please control your children”. My mother points to us, sitting quietly coloring (angels in childhood, hellions in adulthood!) and explains “these are her children”. Turns out those kid’s mother was in first class, snookered and she’d booked her kids in coach! Totally inappropriate and in a perverse way I admire it!!
All I remember of Sweden was the amazingly huge marble staircase that spiraled up and around the elevator. Oh and that elevator! I remember the cool way the elevator doors closed with a metal gate and a window in the doors so you could see the floors as they passed. To a 5 year old it was wonderful.
I did manage to go to Canada when I was 9 and then again when I was 16.. but does that really count? Well the 9 year old story does.. I’ll tell that later. So the next big trip opportunity was when I was 23. My mother went on a lecture tour of Europe. 5 countries, I don’t know how many cities in a 3 week span.
We were complete newbies to a European lecture tour and my mother over-speculated our needs and we ended up taking 9 bags. That’s right.. 2 women with 9 bags! 1 bag held the master tapes, so they had to be hand inspected at every airport. We’d taken then in case we found someone who wanted to duplicate our vhs videos! Did I mention this was in the 80’s! 1.5 bags each of clothing and the rest of the bags was all product to sell at each lecture where my mother was speaking.
So I’ve seen Paris. Not impressed. All I wanted was a hearty breakfast.. the closest I could get was a croissant and a cafe au lait. Notre Dame is DEPRESSING! So yea there’s a hunchback in the tower, it so deserves one! St. Chappell was beautiful, I will admit that, and Versailles is WAY too big.
Oh and the Louvre.. OMG. Me and art, its like me and a Republican.. only in small doses please! And the Louvre is like the Republican National Convention! This is me at the Louvre… walking and walking….. painting, painting, statue, painting, statue… Oh Wow.. BENCH! Bliss.
Happily it was only 4 days in Paris and then it was off to The Netherlands. Such pretty money. And then off to Germany. The buildings were so NEW! (WWII joke here) And I almost LEAPED out of the car at one point when I saw a Burger King. I knew THERE I would KNOW I’d enjoy what I purchased. Although I did enjoy an evening with my mother’s friend Welda. She and I talked brash sex and embarrassed the 21 year old accompanying us. That part was fun, hee hee! Then it was off to Austria (where I DIDN’T get to see the Lipizzaner Stallions. And finally to Switzerland, where I did pass Lego Headquarters.. they had Lego pieces the size of cars on the sides of the building!
Through all that, every time we went to a new country I had to re-price all the product we’d brought into that new money price. Me and math and the exchange rate with a calculator. (Remember 80’s… no Google!) It was just hell.
And sweet-buckets, those countries are SMALL. As an American you get used to a country that takes 5 DAYS to cross by train, not 5 HOURS! I’d just be getting comfortable when the conductor would come around AGAIN and ask to see my passport. Which was incredibly annoying since my mother (dating a P.I. who’d filled her head with all the people who were “out to scam her”) made me wear this inside the shirt, under my armpit, zippered I.D. holder, where I had to keep my money, passport and anything else she deemed irreplaceable.
She tells her friends.. I’ll never take another surly teenager on a trip to Europe again.
I was 23!!!
And have you tasted European deserts! They sooooo don’t believe in sugar! Cut me some slack, this sugaraholic was in withdrawal!
So when others say… “Oooo, Paris” and express the desire to tour Europe I’m reminded of my experiences and I just grin. Because I know somewhere in those countries there are people who say, “Ooo America, I’ve always wanted to see Disneyland.”
Been there… reminds me of the Louvre.