I’ve had a few men apologize for “being obsessed” with me. I know my girlfriends are laughing at that one. Because they know I adore attention! But when more than one male does a particular habit I start looking at the motives behind it.
So I thought about it and surmised calling yourself a Stalker may mean one of several things. Either he’s really into me and just really wants lots of contact and can’t stop. Or he’s terrified he won’t manage the “right” amount of contact and somehow piss me off. Or, and I personally hate this one, he’s using the tactic as a manipulative compliment.
In any case, I’ve had several men call themselves “stalkers” and then apologize for it. Things like, “Just a ‘hi’ from your stalker.” or “I don’t want to seem like a stalker, but I really, really want to see you tonight.” or the most common, “Hope you don’t think I’m a stalker but I enjoy chatting with you.”
And I wondered about this trend. WHAT women have these poor guys been talking to? Don’t the gals realize the level of effort and risk these men do putting themselves out there. Women should reward the fact he had the balls to let her know he’s really into her with lots of contact. Even if his interest is just sexual.
Because there is the opposite of Stalker that women often have to deal with. The Disappeared Man. The Disappeared Man is the guy who is suddenly gone with no reason. And you’re left to figure it out yourself.
Most times The Disappeared Man is NOT the Stalker. The Disappeared Man is the one who thinks its just easier all around to drop contact as his way of saying “I changed my mind or found someone better.” And most women have figured this out. We don’t like it, but we’ve learned what your silences mean.
In my opinion, The Disappeared Man should take some lessons from the Stalker and just tell her. Not only does it save us all that mental guessing but its more respectful. We’ll actually value that level of honesty from a man regardless of the fact he’s dumping us. If you’ve got the balls to tell her then you’re not really an asshole are you?
Now if the Stalker becomes The Disappeared Man that is truly a quandary. Because you think your Stalker has the respect and the words to express himself when he’s changed his mind. So you start imagining OTHER reasons for his silence. He was in an accident, he’s in the hospital somewhere unable to contact you. He’s lost his cell so he doesn’t have your number. (This actually happened where a cub’s cell took a nose dive into a pool and his contact list was fried.) Of course that doesn’t explain his inability to answer your emails! What are the chances his phone AND his computer are both out of commission? Yea… not unless you’re in a sitcom.
Over all…. (and this is what I mean to convey with this post)… I’d prefer the Stalker to the quiet man. Because for me its the squeaky wheel syndrome. He who asks will get more, than he who waits for me to ask. Remember all women have been trained by The Disappeared Man. If you’re silent we WILL assume you’ve lost interest, changed your mind or found someone else you prefer. Because we’ve traveled down the road of made up possible excuses for your silence and its led us no where.
Don’t accidentally be The Disappeared Man. Be the Stalker. What have you got to lose? And imagine what you have to gain.