Today I had an epiphany. While I was reading a Fantasy book, the character did something that struck a chord in my soul so deep I was brought to tears. It literally showed me the part of myself I’ve always treasured in a new way. It showed it to me as a gift from God/Fate. As a combination of the genetic and environmental heritage of both my parents. And as the greatest I can do for mankind. And no its not writing or sex. lol
This gift? Well, its my ability to accept another person. To dance with joy & love unconditionally with those that others often refuse to. Not as a peer, a fellow also discarded, but just as a person. In a way it helps them re-learn to love & respect themselves, re-connect (despite being tossed aside) to society. Letting them see the value I see in them.
lol…. I sound like a megalomaniac!
I think I can do this because I have a certain level of detachment, which I get from my father. And I have have a level of my mother’s intense compassion for others. Raised Protestant I have the basic Christian values, but that religion was never accepting enough for my soul. But it left me with a desire for fairness in an unfair world. It also left me with a disdain for those who judge. (Ironically I have to fight judging those who judge or I’m just as bad at accepting as they are! lol)
Looking back at the people I’ve known…. the men I’ve dated or encountered or slept with…. I can see a pattern. I tend to skim contact with those “whole” or “average” or “normal” people. Often its a two-way skim… they don’t understand me &/or my uniqueness, so both of us finding nothing in common, we move on. I tend to form connections with people who find my uniqueness interesting and I find their uniqueness interesting. Maybe everyone does that… but it seems to me often people bypass uniqueness in others, instead searching for sameness.
Life is sometimes this.
I’ve observed there have been a lot of people in my life that “normals” would shy away from. (Including my Ex-husband in that group normals shy away from! lol) People with horrible pasts walking the straight & narrow & finding society making it harder than it had to be out of fear. People who make personal choices different from what society thinks as normal (tattoos, hair styles, piercings, careers, personal entertainment). Or people who’ve made horrible choices, paid the price, learned the lesson and have come out whole, scarred but whole.
I don’t always join in with the Fruits & Nuts & Flakes & Extremists crowd that often find me interesting, but I do add my own flavor of “outside the box” to the mix. And through our uniqueness we enjoy life. Celebrating it on a different level than others.
Does that make me/us bad? Does it make us rebels? Does it make us the dregs of society? Just because we choose different paths? Does choosing “Outside the Box” mean we are “Outside Society”, as in not part of it? To be shunned as unloved? Can no one love without the conditions of society or expectation of perfection?
Unconditional love is a complicated thing. On the one hand can any of us truly love without conditions? So many feel that to do so will open them up to hurt, scams and humiliation. Others feel our very nature (fault ridden as it is) makes it an impossible feat. Yet I think its our highest calling as humans.
And its not as impossible as you think. It means knowing the person in the NOW. As a changing entity, shaped by the past & their choices, but not necessarily ruled by them. And forgiving/moving past/ignoring the things/actions/choices of their past. Especially if they no longer apply to the person they are NOW.
Of course, you must do this in a way that isn’t foolish. If a man has beaten you, you can love him unconditionally, but you may need to do it far away from arms reach! Because loving someone doesn’t mean you need to take whatever shit they dole out. You don’t have to believe the liar, give to the user personality or take the shit of the asshole. Forgive the past, but only trust if it no longer applies to the now.
Also you must do the same for the opposite of judging the past. You should not put all your needs, unspoken or spoken, for emotional feedback on the individual you love. And all your hopes and dreams and financial security shouldn’t be placed in the hands of your love! Your love is there to love. To share and express the feelings that person’s company brings to you. THAT is Unconditional Love. Enjoying yourself having love for another. Often, faults and all. We do that for our kids. We (mostly) do that for our parents. Why is it we cannot do that for our mates?
I’ve seen a lot of people claim to do this. And put it mostly into practice with easy to love individuals. But not everyone can love those that society disapproves of, or actively hates.
But I gotta tell you, closing yourself off from these without giving them a chance…. well, you’re missing out on some really interesting people.
Although, I’m not sure I could take this to the level of loving Joseph Kony!