I read in Discover Magazine the speculation that one of the reasons Neanderthals went extinct was they didn’t divide the food acquisition. They only hunted big game and they did it with the entire clan – men, women & kids. Whereas Homo Sapiens, us, separated the food acquisition into men hunting big game and the women and children hunting small game and foraging plants. They speculate that this put us at an advantage because the climate changes that were occurring made everything uncertain. And we survived because we still had what the women found when no big game could be found and visa versa. (Of course they also speculate we ate them.)
One advantage to my separation/ open marriage situation is the sharing of the chores in the household. We’re both stepping up a bit more with an eye to living apart. And it got me thinking (like I’m always doing!) about why women make such a big deal about men doing their share of the chores.
Besides the obvious reasons why women obsess about this concept… they’re overworked and it helps and the “sharing” means you love me. I think there is a better or more deeper motivation behind that. Most households tend to split the household chores (just like ancient Homo Sapiens) and each party does their own. With a bit of crossover here and there. And that’s where the “means you love me” bit comes in.
I think women both love and hate the fact they do household chores better than men. They love it because it makes them indispensable and for that same reason they hate it. And men are happy to let her be the “expert”, They’re not stupid! They’re getting out of chores! Plus as long as they do their designated tasks they don’t feel they should go beyond that. Because they’ll get criticized for doing it wrong.
So how do men help women over this dilemma? By surprising her and doing her chore. Ah but there is a way to do that for maximum affect. Unexpectedly do her chore and do it well. Its good to know you CAN… i.e. strong-able-male… do something as simple as hand wash the dishes. And do it well so if she suddenly is incapacitated she knows you can take over and not leave it all for her to do when she’s back on her feet.
My girlfriend tells the story that she and the kids went away for a week and when they got back EVERY dish in the house had been used and was dirty in the sink. He was down to the mixing bowls and plastic utensils. And they HAD A DISHWASHER, which he knew how to use, just refused to.
Most importantly in this helpful gesture is the timing. If it’s been sitting around waiting to get done for more than 24 hours and you know what she’s planning to do with it… just do it for her. If you think it might be sitting around because its a kid chore.. get the kid to do it. And if you’re not sure how to do it “right” or “well” then by all means spoil the surprise and ask!
I bet the big game hunter who came back from the hunt and “helped” got laid more than the ones who sat around and told stories while sampling the food that others had prepared. And it gave him an opportunity to flirt and maybe fondle a female.
And the origin of the ulterior motive is revealed!