I’ve done my stint on the search for Inner Peace. You know, meditation, self introspection on your motivations, mass forgiveness of all the wrongs in your life, the world and every day irritants. And its not bad. It helped me work through a lot of anger issues I had when I was in my 20’s.
But I sometimes wonder if the search for zen inner peace sucks the capability for JOY out of a person. Can you truly embrace spontaneous living if you are searching for tranquility? Can you grab that brass ring, that unique opportunity, when you see it? Or are you too comfortable in your life, too contemplative of ALL possible consequences to reach for it.
I’ve talked about this before in a different blog, the confusion about being happy with what you have AND striving for something more. But I recently experienced it when my friend shook her head at me as I left for Vegas, muttering, “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
I was shocked and saddened at the same time. I was going on a relaxing vacation with two men whose company I really enjoyed. All three of us looking forward to seeing each other and experiencing something we’d fantasized about. And I was baffled why she wasn’t understanding how thrilled I was. It wasn’t like I was worried or having second thoughts. I was confident because I knew these men. Trusted these men. And she was not only distrusting my judgment, she was advising me to ignore the brass ring coming my way. Just because it was a ring she would never touch.
I was saddened because she couldn’t be happy for my happiness. And then I realized her happiness was this inner search and mine was outer enjoyment. Similar roads but opposite paths. So I cannot begrudge her the path she’s on if it brings her happiness. Because I’m her friend, I love her and want her to be happy.
And she tries not to judge my promiscuity. Because she’s my friend and loves me and worries the shit out of herself over my actions sometimes. Which is what friendship is all about, being there for a person without judgment. So she tries to be an anchor to my willful side.
And whenever I can I invite her onto my path to taste a little wild joy.