I’ve said it before (but no one reads the older posts, lol. No one is as compulsive about going back to the beginning and following a bloggers journey as I am!) but I’ll say it again… I have a different idea about the definition of my job as a parent.
In a way I’m like my Dad who took his role of “father” as seriously, but only when he actively chose to get involved in us, which was rare. Like most kids, we were parented by our mother with our father peripherally involved. Probably what made me a dominant female who married a man who preferred me that way.
So when I had my own kids I took to it a little like a job. There were a million tasks to be done, decisions to be made for the little guy (s) and constant need-answering being demanded. Which I’ve always been good at doing.
Yet when I look back on my style of parenting I can categorize it as different from my friends on a few levels. I realize that we all parent the same way, basically, but we do it with different levels in each category. For Instance:
The Caretaker: We’re all in charge of the basic needs of our kids. Food, shelter and the basic healthy well-being of each. You know, like any unemotional system. Here’s your grub, brush your teeth, go to bed, wake up, here’s your grub, off to school. Most parents, men especially, find this the easier road to master. Because its just management. Constantly changing as the years go by Management, but management just the same.
The Teacher: We’re also supposed to be training our kids to be ready for adulthood, a task many completely forget. It’s impossible to imagine or plan for this when they’re under 3 years old and since those are the primary trust years I always say pamper the shit out of them during those first 3 years. But once they are older…. oh, welcome to the REAL world! You can start them off with “helping” Mommy which can turn into chores which can turn into responsibility. Which I covered in these 3 blogs.
The Loving Parent: As “MOM” our job is to love them like few others do. We have to give them all the levels of love.. unconditional, conditional, loving- you- while- still- being- the- heavy, silly love, playful love, I-almost-lost-you-and-can’t-live-without-you love… and every other aspect of love you can experience. We feel that and shower our kids with various ones at least once throughout their lives. Including the I-Love-Who-You-Grew-Into love.
What I noticed, is some people express their Parent Love in Caretaker form. They shower the kids with whatever thing they want. Some do it because its easier than dealing with correcting the whining behavior over and over again. Some do it because they want a better childhood for their kids than they had (was it really THAT bad? Are you a mass murderer?) And some do it because they feel its the best expression of them as a Loving Parent.
The truth is we all like to feel we do each part pretty well. But we do some parts better than others. I excel at The Teacher and I’m pretty damn good at The Loving Parent but I was a better Manager when they were little.
Of course, part of being The Teacher is out-sourcing some of my management responsibilities to the kids!