I can’t believe I’ve not written about this yet!
A year ago I mentioned my interest in this sort of sexual play and over that time I’ve had several fun times trying it. And I’m surprised I hadn’t blogged those, but I’m going to rectify that now.
My first experience was with a man who I trusted and who had quite a bit of experience in Dom/Sub play. It was a wonderful evening of sex but through it all I never seemed to get mentally into it. I thought maybe it was because he went too gentle, it being my first time. He wanted to make sure I was comfortable. So he cooked me dinner, cleaned up, then we got intimate but without the roll playing. When he finally moved it to that arena I was too comfortable. To me, it felt more like I was wearing interesting clothing than straps tied to hooks in the doorway!
The second man was more interesting, since by then I kind of realized I needed a Dom who would from the start be mentally dominant, get me completely into the roll playing. I told him that and he knew exactly what I was talking about. On our first encounter he outlined what I was to wear and what to expect in the first few minutes. And kept me submissive with his words and instructions.
That session made me realize that a true Sub wants the challenge of ultimately pleasing the Dom. They want to DO whatever the Dom wants to prove how good they are at pleasing. The best example of this is the movie The Secretary with James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal. There isn’t that much bondage in it but it really shows the Dom/Sub psychological relationship. She specifically disobeys to get more of his attention whenever she feels neglected.
My second man took complete mental charge. He directed all my moves, firmly told me what he wanted and I quickly complied. I learned more from that one night of being a submissive than many nights of sex with other men, both about myself and about sex. I learned how to lick balls like never before cuz he had me do it for 30 minutes straight. (A skill Sex God truly appreciates! lol) I also learned lots about toys since he used many on me. All of which I’d not experienced before.
And I got to be completely mentally submissive. It was wonderful. And he’d still be a treasured FWB if not for a few foibles. He made a fantastic Dom but didn’t have the follow up equipment to have intercourse. It was a drawback I couldn’t overlook by the third time. (plus by then he couldn’t afford another hotel room so we went to his house.. which turned out to be a trailer in a trailer park. Um, yea… deal breaker.)
The few others who’ve tried to Dom me haven’t managed it mentally. I did learn that ropes get closer to getting me there mentally than straps. One man was quite surprised after he’d used straps to link my ankles to my wrists with me on my stomach. When he was done wringing orgasm after orgasm out of me, I twisted my little wrists, reached the hooking mechanism and released myself! His jaw dropped. I don’t know why he was surprised, I’d told him ropes! Sheeesh!
Now. On the flip side. I haven’t completely played Dom myself, yet. I’ve done little bits of it here and there. I’ve sex chatted scenarios with men where I Dom them. Planned it out, even written one in a story form. I always knew I wanted to play with a dominant male but never thought I’d have it in me to be a Dominatrix. (Oh stop laughing.. those of you who know me! Just because I’m a dominant female naturally doesn’t mean I can pull it off in the bedroom.)
But as I explore the world of Dom/Sub sex play, I realize I could both do it and enjoy it. I find I truly thrill when torturing Sex God who is an unbelievably responsive, natural Sub, because he takes what I do to him with grunt and a groan. Frustrates me that he won’t let me tie him up. (Yet!)
But Sub/Dom sexual play is very much about role playing. You both have to mentally get into it for it to satisfy any craving you may have for it. And ever since I learned how to put my character Cat around me like a cloak and actively seduce a man, I feel I can pull off almost any roll playing scenario.
All it takes is planning, opportunity and the right willing victim. 🙂