Yes, you read correctly. I attended a Pool Party put on by a PolyAmorous Social Group in Los Angeles. The irony was I wasn’t invited myself. One of my lovers (the one who’s trying to set up several lovers to play together as threesomes, who I did C
ouples Therapy for during one of those trysts) found out about the party and invited me spontaneously. And hell, as a blogger, who could pass that up!!
So I met him at his home and he drove us to Brentwood (which is a very rich section of L.A.) and we arrived exactly on time. Even though I told him no doubt a party like this wouldn’t care about WHEN you arrived. But he said they stated if you wanted to participate in the discussions to arrive at 7. So we did. lol.
Remember I’d attended a swinger party before so this really wasn’t my first time at a group event. And this event had the added relaxed component of NOT being a sex party. It was just a group gathering.. no sex as there were kids in attendance. Although they DID specify that the pool was clothing optional. 😉
It was a BYOB situation so we brought a case of Coke.. its always nice to have mixers for other peoples alcohol. And we chose to go to the Dom/Sub/Poly discussion group. Since my lover was very much a Dom and had recently had to leave his sub relationship. So after getting our drinks we ambled out of the gorgeous house filled already with probably 150 people to the pool house for the discussion group.
They did a round of introductions which was truly an interesting event in itself. There was a lot of “I’m in a triad, this is my Dom” or “We are looking for a third to be a Sub” or “I just came down from another location and had to leave my polyamory family group.” I clearly stood out as I introduced myself as a Cougar with one of my lovers. But in a roomful of people who are basically in a fringe group of a fringe group no one was judging!
Discussions of bondage sub/dom aside, there was a few interesting things to note. One was the way someone who was in a Polyamorous relationship felt about Swingers. Apparently there is a strong distinction between the two. Swinging was about sex and often any third brought into the bedroom was expected NOT to get attached and often restricted to no kissing, etc. no matter how much the three enjoyed their company.
Polyamorous relationships on the other hand was about filling an emotional need to be with this specific person without losing/changing/abandoning the primary original relationship. To respect both relationships and find a common ground between them. To toss out all aspects of jealously and focus on expressing love as the needs manifested themselves.
For example.. there was a family “tree” as it is called, that had members with Sub/Dom roles so they were in the discussion we were in. One couple, man and woman (and I think they were married? not sure) had a Dom/Pet relationship. He was her pet. And if my hearing didn’t fail me he was gay. She, herself, had brought them into the family as the Primary female wanted her in her bed. The Primary male was very much a Dom and I think there was at least another female there who was his Sub but in all the introductions I may have missed singling her out.
The dynamics was fascinating. They all had special “names” that they used within their family and within the Polyamorous community I believe because they had been in the fetish for so long they taught classes and wrote blogs, etc. It would be like introducing myself as my character “Cat” instead of Heather. And many were couples exploring BDSM, one was a practicing Dominatrix who left rather quickly after seeing we weren’t either focusing on her or hiring her lol. The worst was a man my age who obviously peaked in the fetish life early and made it his thing forever, including the long, stringy hair. He liked to shock the room with a story or comment which was an attention getting strategy I gave up in my early 20’s!
I could not help smiling my secret knowing smile when he told the story of how his first encounter as a Dom was with a Cougar who introduced him to the wild world of sex but whenever she tried to Dom him he’d turn the tables. Perhaps its my ego… perhaps he was only trying to make me feel at ease… but I felt it was a subtle way of trying to send me the signal he’d like to fuck a Cougar again. And I could only grin at his aged beer gut and remember how often I’d heard the line, “Skill with age is better.” Especially with my very trim Cub at my side.
The female Primary, though, was a beautiful confident African American BBW who I was immediately attracted to. Ironically, her black Dom, did nothing for me. And I found the Pet/Dom relationship interesting to watch. But I wasn’t here to pick up anyone. If I wanted to play, I had my Cub along. He was eating up the discussion and then after wanted to scope out someone to play as a third. At one point I sent him off to get any digits he might get as I sat and watched the socializing around me.
This was an annual pool party and I think the final numbers were somewhere in the 300’s. So most of the people all knew each other, were comfortable with each other and catching up on their news. And I realized I was here with the wrong man. I marveled at how different this would feel if I was here with my Sex God. Because most of the feeling about the party was about acceptance and love. These relationships were really based on that and not about my looser friendship relationships.
I enjoy my cub, liked my cub, respected my cub. But would I want to join in a love relationship with him? No. I loved my Sex God. And yet, would I want to bring a loving third into our relationship? Oh yes, I would, but as an equally loving third to the both of us. We’ve tried to find it here and there, tentatively with threesomes or separate relationships but its just not worked.
I think if a couple has found love and acceptance within another group or family tree in a Polyamorous relationship they are lucky to be able to spread their non-jealous love out and about. And “Represent”. Well, as much as one can behind pseudonyms.