How you THINK I’d do Poly
Could have SWORN I published this last week, before the Part Two but the site says I didn’t soooo… here it is.
I’ve always stated I’m Polyamorous even though I’ve been unable to actually live that way. Mostly I make this claim due to my love of flirting and being lusted. And the fact that I feel I love my Sex God so much I want to share that and him and, well, love as many as my heart can hold. The other weekend I got maybe as close as I might get to a Triad. Now to be clear, being Poly is different from being just in an open relationship. Sex God and I have been that for the past, sheesh, almost four years! In our open relationship we’ve defined it that we are BF/GF and love each other but we also date/see/play with other people. Being Poly is defined as being in more than one actual relationship.
So for the past four years I have my other lovers and I try out new ones when the occasion arises, and drop others as our interest wanes but I’m not really in a relationship with any of them other than casual affectionate friendship. Yet there is a large part of me that would like to be with people that all desire each other both in and out of the bedroom. I like my favorites… I kind of wish they all could meet, get along and spend time with me together, openly… as a lifestyle.
But in all honestly the fantasy notion seems impossible. Most people feel lucky to find ONE person to have this level of bonding with much less more than one. Yet I know there are people out there doing it. Hell I went to a party of 300 people currently in this lifestyle! And for a couple of years now Sex God and I seemed to be on the verge of it. Of course one would expect that I would be the focus (or nucleus or tip or anchor or whatever they call it) of the Triad but it is Sex God who has become this. Sex God is bisexual. I’m just bi-affectionate. lol While I enjoy another woman in my bed to caress and kiss… they are WAY too much work for me to satisfy in any way. And while my lovers may be up for a threesome they get a little uncomfortable if I tell them he’s bisexual and how orgy-like I’d prefer that threesome to be.
So Sex God has his lovers and I have mine and rarely do they crossover. They have sometimes and it was fun but it wasn’t a good mix for long term. For instance, Sex God had a regular lover who I met and we tried to play. I did my best to like this man for Sex God’s sake, because I loved his happiness and having this part of himself satisfied made me very, very happy. But I wasn’t attracted to his lover in any way, could barely understand his accented English & he had the oddest way of interacting with me. After a year & half of their relationship I saw a steady decline in Sex God that was very, very bad. I finally had to draw a line of “he goes or I walk” as his chosen plaything had become obsessed with him, saw me as a major rival & led him down a road of bad choices, which isn’t my story to tell so that’s all I can say about it. Don’t get me wrong, I knew I had Sex God’s heart but watching him destroy himself was too much, so I used my clout for both mine and his sake.
And it worked. He made a clean break (or as clean as he could from this, now stalker, lover) He got healthy. He remembered US. He spent so much time with me I had absolutely none for any other lovers, lmao. And its at this point in every romance movie, when the hero… ego all broken, begs forgiveness from the heroine… that the couple tie the knot/get married and live happily ever after. But that’s not us…. as we aren’t normal/average/usual.
We are Poly.
In all that… those last months of trying to clean break the plaything… Sex God reconnects with a lover from a year ago. And they begin seeing each other regularly. (Now you have to understand that dating in the Gay scene is more about sex than anything else… so there is a lot of passion and sex and very little talking and cuddling lol) But then this lover takes him on a weekend trip to Palm Springs. Now understand that through all this Sex God is CONSTANTLY checking with me to make sure I’m okay with him seeing this guy. He’s showering me with sex and attention and not holding back any detail of his feelings or activities. And I’m fine with his new interest. The man sounds much more sane than the Stalker and Sex God respects him. I can tell by the way he talks about him. SG used to complain about the Stalker all the time. Particularly because Stalker would text him when he knew he was with me.
Anyway.. I’m all for the weekend away. Sex God needs it and who can pass up the opportunity to be the Princess for a day or two. As this lover wines and dines him. Yet on this trip he did more than that. He cuddled and talked too. He opened up to Sex God on a level SG’d not had from another male he’s been intimate with. When he got back he was like a kid in a candy store telling me all about his great time.
And I surprised myself with my own reactions. I got sad. Intellectually I was very, very happy that my love was happy. But emotionally… there was this little girl who lost friend after friend growing up when they found someone better, who didn’t date until out of high school. I could feel myself distancing my heart as if bracing for the loss of my Sex God. And he could feel it to.
So we did what every Poly person does. We talked the SHIT out of it! lol I knew what I was feeling was insecurity based. I didn’t feel jealous, more like he was “moving on” & I was mourning the loss. And intellectually I wasn’t going to throw away my love over such a childish emotion. Ultimately what turned me around was his erection. As soon as I saw his hard cock, my favorite toy of ALL, I just melted into WANT which made the little childish emotion go “poof”. (See part of the problem is when he’s had THAT much ass play NO blood can get to his cock to make it hard and my hind-brain thinks he doesn’t lust me. No matter how much he kisses and says it, until his cock is hard, I have trouble believing it.)
We settled into a trade off routine. There would be days of Lover getting SG’s ass and days where I’d get SG’s cum, as he often cannot ejaculate with their type of play. Its’ not that usual, but not that unusual for Sex God. When I play with his ass with a toy or fingers he can’t cum, either. So after a good pounding his dick is pretty limp. Sensitive as hell, but limp, limp, limp. And I was fine with this arrangement. I had the Lust of my Sex God and that’s what I feared losing.. not his love. He’d never stop loving me. I know that to my core.
Anyway, SG’s Lover knew about me and I knew of him and we’d been talking about meeting and playing together for months. And then Sex God springs it on me that Lover wants to take us both out dancing. I wasn’t really in the mood for dancing when he suggested it but I’m INCREDIBLY practical and I realized with the holidays and End-Of-Year at work I was going to be insanely busy for months. So I leaped and said yes. Because secretly I’d hoped he be as attracted to me as to Sex God and we could ALL share in the relationship. Lusted by two who lusted each other was, I think, my unacknowledged goal.
So the night comes and I’m debating what to wear and laughing at myself. I want to impress the Lover, cuz I want him to like/lust me… but he’s not Bi, he’s Gay. We’re going dancing and I usually like to look sexy… but we’re dancing at a Gay bar. What DOES a straight woman wear to a Gay dance club….? Anything she damn well wants! Ha! So I settle on an outfit that works with low heeled boots and jeans that still accentuates my curves. And is sleeveless even though its December.. cuz I expect it to be hot and packed!
The moment comes when SG’s Lover walks into the apartment and I get to meet him. And I like him. He’s a handsome man and very stylish. Not really much of my type but half the time my “type” is the level of lust in a man’s eyes. And all Lover’s lust was directed at Sex God. lol We pile into Sex God’s car and head out and get all the way there chatting the whole while when I realize I left my I.D. at home. I’m so used to NOT being carded in any way (being 50!) that I completely forgot it. Lover says, “Well, we’ll just go back. It’s not that far (it kinda was) and we’ve got all night.” No fuss, no drama, no guilt, it was very refreshing. It was at that point that I realized he didn’t see me as competition for Sex God. THAT was very nice.
So on to the club we go. It was much too expensive for me to want to do it regularly but a very nice place. Vaulted ceilings and half naked male eye candy in Speedos on the bar & catwalk. It was Brittney Spears night since it was her birthday, so the music was SUCKED, but we danced to it anyway. And I had a blast! I danced with Sex God and Lover and all three of us together. We dirty danced, individually danced and at one point Lover swung me around like I knew how to Swing dance! I genuinely laughed so many times in the evening, by the end of it I really, really liked Lover as a person.
Then we went home to Sex God’s efficiency apartment and double bed…. but that’s another story 😀