The true essence of it.
Now, where did I leave off…. Ah yes… the after dancing play with Sex God (SG) and SG’s Lover. Now remember we were all a little drunk, although the designated driver was pretty sober, but I was NOT that person. So my remembrance of events may not be in “chronological” order.
Individually we all hit the bathroom and then got naked. There was less “skin” exploration as much as “part” exploration. Lover’s cock was the same length but harder & slightly thinner than Sex God’s. He was very oral and did his best to impress me there… but honestly after Tongue God all men cannot achieve his heights. Not that I don’t enjoy it, but clit stimulation isn’t why I’m there! heeheehee.
I think the first penetration was Lover taking Sex God. I joined in with oral on Sex God but wasn’t sure he was enjoying it or even feeling it as he was completely limp. lol Not that I don’t enjoy him that size also… but feedback is incredibly necessary when you’re doing oral on someone. Sex God is very, very vocal in the most amazingly erotic way but he was getting his ass pounded and I wasn’t sure I was contributing to any of those sounds he was making. And the limpness was intimidating me… although between between the alcohol & his ass stimulation there was no telling who was to blame!
So I kinda pulled back. Plus as they were getting so into each other my head was getting smushed! I watched Lover fuck my Sex God I was expecting to get aroused but instead found myself a bit concerned. Lover had a way of purposefully, “popping” out and re-entering that brought out a noise from Sex God that (to me) sounded more pained than pleasured. Knowing how much of a natural Submissive my Sex God was, I was worried this technique was going to damage & hurt him… that he was taking it, out of his sub nature and not out of desire.
But I set aside my reservations (to be discussed later haha) and waited until I felt I could join in again. Though, honestly they had such their own routine & it IS a very small bed for 3 people that my ardor cooled significantly before they got around to including me again. Yet they did and I do remember getting to ride Lover and getting fucked in my favorite on-my-tummy-legs-closed position by both Sex God and Lover individually. I remember that Lover came when he had both Sex God and I jerking him off… but no matter what we tried Sex God’s cock wasn’t staying hard very much & wasn’t going to ejaculate at all.
Lover opted to sleep on the outside of the bed as he usually doesn’t get sleep when he crashes at Sex God’s since there are “hands are all over me keeping me awake!” he said with a smirk at SG. So I slept in the middle and we all crashed till morning.
As usual, I was the first awake. With bladder & hunger calling I got up, hit the bathroom & went into the kitchen. I had to do dishes to be able to do any sort of breakfast & was finally making scrambled eggs when I looked over into the living room and saw Sex God riding his Lover.
And a cascade of emotions hit me. On the one hand, Sex God riding anything is incredibly erotic so I was enjoying the eye candy. But the lingering comment of “hands all over him” from Lover about Sex God was a stark reminder of how that was once me who got those hands and that no longer happens. Logic was laughing at my silly feeling, reminding myself that SG has difficulty ejaculating so he’s left both satisfied & horny with Lover and with me he gets satisfied. That through a night of sleeping there is ALWAYS one body part between us touching, even though it may not be erotic. But it was a reminder that we’d been together long enough that the intense lust between us had waned.
And there I was in his kitchen, cleaning up, making breakfast like a good hostess struggling with many mixed emotions. A sense of watching what we once were and are no longer. A strong sense of proprietary “mine” over Sex God’s cum when he spurted all over his Lover’s chest. But the strongest feeling.. the core of it all really… was the sense of me NOT being lusted in any way.
I have no trouble with Sex God’s pleasure but I do have an ego that needs lust. And no matter the pleasure his Lover can and did give me I could distinctly feel he did not find me sexually attractive in any way. It’s amazing how that can suck the emotional pleasure out of a sexual act no matter how physically pleasurable it is. He liked me as a person, as I liked him, but he did not and probably would not ever, desire me. And ironically that translated into my own level of how I found him attractive or not, tipping me into the not-so-much category.
It’s been a few months since this lovely event happened and I, like a good poly woman, have analyzed my feelings and discussed them at length with Sex God with the purpose of making sure our relationship doesn’t suffer with his new relationship. I think it might help if I was able to spend time with Lover in a non-sexual basis and we could learn to enjoy & value each other OUTSIDE the bedroom. (Although I think Lover is a Republican…frown… and he’s done raising his kids so less a connection there.) Sex God must feel the same way as every time he comes back from a fun time in Palm Springs he tells me how much he wished I was there with him. He seems convinced I would LOVE the dancing and the gathering of extroverts all telling stories and just being themselves with a freedom he feels isn’t here in Los Angeles/Orange County. Perhaps he is right… and with Coachella and us there for a week it’s highly likely we’ll have that fun night the three of us.
In the meantime… I’ve found a lovely new lover who is.. if not bisexual, very bi-open to the spontaneity of group play. We are enjoying each other a few more times before I suggest a threesome with Sex God. And when that happens I’ll bring up again my emotions of our threesome with Lover just to compare any emotions he might have of NOT being the center of the threesome. Because when I boiled down my feelings, little Narcissist ME got bored not being the center of Lust. lol
Of course the tantalizing idea of a foursome with SG, Lover & my new Bear.. well, that is …
…that is… another blog!