The other day a Cub from many years ago sent me a text. And I had to break the news to him that the wild Cougar I was… is no more. His reply was very sweet, lots of “You’re kidding! You had the ultimate sex drive! You were the Ultimate Cougar.” 🙂
Looking back on the last 8 years I will admit it was a wonderfully spectacular Cougar run. And if I hadn’t met Sex God nor had mostly full custody of my kids nor had to find 2-3 jobs to support myself….I think I’d still by at it.
Or at least trying to! See men0pause has taken its toll on my sex drive. But for those who might NOT have gone to the beginning of this blog and watched the Cougar rise from the almost smothering mantle of wife/mother…let me give you some background. In the 80’s I was a horny girl in her 20’s who enjoyed flirting, picking up guys and taking them home. Back then it was unusual for a female to like sex as much as a male and most of my friends scolded me for being a slut and pointed to it being the reason I struggled to get into relationships. But I knew that any man I’d pick up had already decided if I was worth dating once he met me and if me in the sack didn’t change his mind….well, at least I got sex out of it!
So yes, my libido was high in college and beyond. But since I’ve been masturbating since I was 4 (according to my mother, earliest I remember is 9) that isn’t surprising. Only reason I wasn’t so sexually free in high school may have been because I don’t have family or daddy issues. lol. Anyway…. so to go with the high desire to enjoy sex, my body truly did enjoy sex! I was always a little “ready” physically and it didn’t take much to “prepare the field”. So a minimum of kissing and I was ramped up to rip clothes off and jump on a hard cock. And after a few years of experience with “I have no idea how long this how-much-did-you- drink guy will last or the size of his tool” I learned to get a mini-orgasm just on entry.
When I married and had kids, the life change did dampen my libido. But the skills I’d learned for quickie sex came in really handy. When you’re sleep-deprived but know it’s been a few days and sex is important in marriage, no-foreplay-needed-sex is a godsend. My mother thought the “slut” of my youth was buried, but she was just dampened by necessity! lol
And after the divorce I thoroughly reacquainted myself with the woman who loved sex, seduction and the lust look in a man’s eyes. It was one reason Sex God and I have an open relationship! Because we both have a similar sex drive and like variety. But 3-4 years ago my body finished menopause and began seriously effect my libido. Getting my desire on was difficult. Getting my body into the mood took work. And sex began to be painful!
Doctor’s are all…. “this is normal” and I silently scream… “not for me!!” And I find I need to almost pre-masturbate to get my mind and body ready to WANT sex! Sex God would do anything I asked to arouse me… and I’d let him, if I thought it would work better than my imagination and fingers. But the fact is, my vagina itself is changing. The G-spot that appeared in my 20’s seems to have disappeared. My clit is only half as sensitive as it used to be… and the walls of my vagina are so much less flexible that sex is often painful until my first orgasm and sometimes after that.
All my life I’ve heard about women who need really good and extensive foreplay to orgasm just once and I assumed they just didn’t know their body well enough to quickly get to orgasm. Now I’m one of them and realize I was amazingly blessed with all the right sensitive spots in the right places. Operative word being “was”. As it seems I’ve descended to the average and normal in the sex department.
Luckily for me, Sex God’s drive has slowed down also or I’d have a real difficult time adjusting! But perhaps there will be something interesting about taking sex slower. Sex God and I added a bit of Dom/Sub play to slow foreplay and not only did it work on getting ME ready to enjoy sex but it brought out extra rough passion from him. Maybe this Cougar just needs to expand her parameters…