Thanksgiving 2012

Posted on November 23, 2012 by Heather

Ah.. the obligatory T-Day post. hahaha

It was a pretty nice affair.  Tongue God managed to beat me to the punch in the Thanksgiving Day texts but it DID remind me to get mine out to my lovers.  Phat Boy jested to be about something I’d posted on FB and Sexy Voiced Omar called me his little MILFy.  lol.   I didn’t hear back from Ultimate Man nor Tasty Man (strike that… as I type this I get a reply text from Tasty Man saying he wished he could be there to provide the “stuffing”) and since I’d just seen Hottie I didn’t bother sending him a text.  heeheehee   And Sex God was meeting me later that day with his kids to spend T-Day with me & mine at my Mother’s.  He’d get his Happy Thanksgiving in person!

I spent the first few hours of the day going through ALL the free movie channels to set the DVR to record this holiday weekend opportunity of movie recording for the future.  Yay!  Others prepare for the Zombie Apocalypse and I prepare for the days of no good t.v. on the telly!

I was bringing the peeled & boiled pearl onions and my salad & homemade dressing.  I also brought some apples, crackers & cheese because the only one of us who got lunch was Luke.  Primarily due to we all had late or big breakfasts!  Sex God and his kids arrived right on time & my mother got him working on the white sauce for the onions.  He did an exemplary job as they turned out delicious!  We got the big folding tables set up as one large square table & set with plates.  Mom tried baked yams instead of the usual mashed kind.  Again, delicious.

We had the usual guests added with my mother’s  intern Jessica, who got the lesson of “how to make gravy” from my mother.   I’ve had the lesson (hell, most everyone who’d had a Thanksgiving with my mother has HAD that lesson!).   I substituted all of her advice for a nice can of Wondra flour when I make gravy!  Takes all the “how to” part into easy peasy.

Dinner went off pretty well.  Mom talked religion with Sex God’s son who’s recently into it.  Luke managed to refrain from MOST of his attacks on religion.  Conor didn’t pitch an angry fit for any reason.  Evan didn’t sulk off either.  Win/Win for Mom!   The dinner conversation was pretty boring & Mom went on and on about “how” the things were cooked.  And it finally ended.  Most everybody helped clean up.  We all had desert & the evening finally ended.

Sex God couldn’t stay with me as he had his kids & I have no room to house them for a night so with a kiss, a longing lustful look, he left, dropping Jessica off at her home.  I called my Dad’s wife to see if she wanted to leftovers and she declined.  I got the scoop on my Dad and it wasn’t as good as we’d like.  Kinda of a sobering end to the evening (his blood pressure keeps dropping & he’s officially diabetic now.  He was borderline before.)

I think I was the only person today who mentioned what they were thankful for (I voiced I was thankful for my Dad’s health).  Of course I couldn’t really mention ALL I was thankful for.

Was I thankful for my lovers?  Oh yes.  My kids?  Of course.  That my Dad wasn’t a vegetable after his stroke?  Oh very, very much so!

But I think I’m most grateful that I’ve managed to keep my sanity these days as I struggle to juggle living within my means with 3 teenage boys on no child support, getting the kids to either deal with their emotional issues or school issues, etc so they don’t flunk or freak, be there to support my Dad & his wife, work what’s almost a full time job  AND still have a moment or two of personal “what Heather would love to do” time.

All in all… things could be a hell of a lot worse and THAT is what I’m most Thankful for.

Posted in Just Ramblings | Comments Off on Thanksgiving 2012

Magic Mike

Posted on November 19, 2012 by Heather

So with the stress of the kids & work & my Dad and my slowly resolving feelings about Chicago (don’t even get me started on Mercury being in retrograde lmao)  I’ve been very, very horny lately.   Yes.   Apparently I deal with stress with the desire to lust and be lusted.  If that’s a hang up, well, its a pretty inexpensive one!  Well, at least it is if you’re a girl.  Okay.. it its for a girl if you’re reasonably attractive and have a different definition of the phrase “good girl.”

Anyway… so a wonderful night with Sex God and a few nights later a VERY satisfying quickie from my ever-ready Phat Boy take the edge off my desires, but after 24 hours my libido is revving again.   With sadly no outlet as Sex God is too sick with a cold to drive an hour to meet my needs and no other can be in my bed when my son is home.   I toy with the option of Tasty Man but he’s just as far as Sex God and its a Sunday night…. and Hottie has already proven busy for the weekend but free in 3 nights so we make a date for Wednesday.

That 1st scene of The Kid on stage, with the Cub innocence, just stripping like he was in his bedroom. As perfect as his ass!

My solution, since I’m craving lust, is to watch the movie Magic Mike.   Yes, I’m sure you are all surprised that I’ve not seen it when it came out in the theaters…. and I will admit all that beefcake WOULD look rather good up on the BIG screen… but I’m a cheap slut and don’t want to pay $$ for anything less than a special effects movie.  And well, Magic Mike doesn’t fall into that category!

It had one thing about it that was both good and bad.  It was a little too real.   The acting felt it was more ad-libbed than scripted.   Because I’ve heard talk like that.  Lots of hemming and hawing and shrugs and mumbles; bullshitting, pranking, body slapping & scamming; everybody with their own agenda.  Lets face it ladies…. this is often how men talk to each other!   This is often as “deep” as the young generation sometimes gets!

And then there is the dancing.  Now I adore the male body, the way it moves, looks, its all delicious.  And sometimes eye candy for me it watching men interact with each other, casual, relaxed, half-strut-half-buddy, looking around at the ladies like a hunting pack.  (Mostly because when a member of the “pack” sees me staring with my knowing grin it usually causes quite a stir.)  But I’d forgotten how male strippers tend to leave me cold when they “dance.”

I’m wondering if male strippers dance the way they prefer female strippers to dance.  With lots of fucking innuendo… literally.   Pelvic thrusts aren’t actually very hot, and faster ones sometimes do the opposite of turn me on.  And don’t most women hate it when guys grab their crotch?!   Now a lot of the dance moves I can admire for the skill to be able to move that beautiful body with athleticism and they ALL look good in the costumes and what woman DOESN’T love the show of strength of being picked up like you weigh nothing.  But there is one scene where a guy is shaking his ass sooooo hard that it is literally flapping.  Nope… that’s not attractive.

When I was in my 20’s my girlfriends and I went to Chippendales.  And I had the same reaction.  The guys were hot.  But they were over-muscled, over-oiled and we all assumed they were flaming homosexual.  Once the act was over we could stay and drink and they opened their doors to guys who would swarm in hoping to pick up desperate/horny  women.  Which I thought was hilarious because we were wanting HOT gorgeous men like we just saw on stage and that is definitely NOT what was coming into the bar.

Another time (again in my 20’s) I was at a bridal shower and someone had hired a stripper and while he had a not bad body, part of his act was to rub his little pouch of private parts on the knees and legs of the sitting audience.  (No, we were NOT screaming in joy over a naked man in the room… giggling perhaps but not screaming.)  I distinctly remember wondering if he thought this turned us on.  Upon looking back I can only pity that poor, poor young guy!  We were less than impressed.

As a Cougar I completely preferred the character The Kid to Magic Mike, just in looks.   And happily I’m not as callous as Joanne, obviously using Mike’s body while discarding his humanity.   Although I’m surprised there aren’t any scenes of the obsessive fan, hooked, ever since that ONE night her fantasy took her home and nailed her.  Its’ one of the reasons my friends and I felt strippers were not heterosexual or didn’t respect US for coming to see them strip down and few of us wanted to sleep with someone who didn’t at least “like” us. lol

I think there needs to be a male strip club where the men are taught to strip in a way that is more sensual, more seductive, more mesmerizing.  But then again, perhaps the silliness of the dancing allows some women to resist getting TOO caught up in the fantasy.   Because when a very physically hot man walks toward you with seduction on his mind and begins to take his clothes off… yes… that is incredibly difficult to resist.

I know this cuz when I watch Sex God undress or put clothes ON for that matter, the natural way his body moves is sexy, seductive and arousing.   And when Ultimate Man looks at me fully clothed, knowing underneath is a body that rivals The Kid (and I’m not kidding about that ladies, remember…. Ultimate Man is an underwear model) well, stripping is what my libido is screaming for.

But if either of those men… or Hottie or Tongue God or Tasty Man or my Phat Boy as they all are very, very sexy men… were to begin pelvic thrusts in their underwear… well, I’d break out in the giggles.

So did Magic Mike do it for me?  In some ways it was predictably bad.  The Kid had to go get himself into trouble and Mike had to bail him out.  And fall in love with the sister.  And get his hopes and dreams of a business or 10% of the Miami job fall through.  Expected.  But at least it was a quick fix to get The Kid outa trouble and not a long drawn out process, the Miami job went through for the others instead of EVERYONE getting scammed and let down and the sister got to fuck the dancer…. sometimes movies end in a way that NO ONE has a happy ending!

And in some ways the eye candy wasn’t as wonderful as I’d hoped.   Not that it wasn’t delicious to watch.   But let’s be honest.   It’s much more fun to watch when I can actually touch that man, kiss that man, nibble that man, fuck that man and then sleep next to that man satisfied and knowing there will be a present for me when I wake up in the morning. 😀

Posted in Naughty Stuff | Leave a comment

Protected: Old School

Posted on November 16, 2012 by Heather

This content is password-protected. To view it, please enter the password below.

Posted in Just Ramblings | Enter your password to view comments.

National Novel Writing Month

Posted on November 13, 2012 by Heather

Apparently November is NaNoWriMo…. National Novel Writing Month.  The goal is to write a 50,000 book by the end of the month.  Some have serious qualms and scream, “Impossible!!”  Others boast sure…. Easy Peasy.   I’ve never set a deadline for myself so I have no idea what category I’d fall into, so I’m going to try.

Yup... kids, house, work, libido... my challenges

And I’m going to cheat.  I’m going to count the words I put down in the blogs for the month.   Hahaha!!   And I’ve got the plots outlined out for almost 3 books to choose from so that might be cheating a bit also. lol  I’m hoping to fall  into the Easy Peasy category.  No guarantee on the QUALITY though!!

So I finally get around to starting all this.  I take one of my Wednesday’s off already a week into November and I set aside 3 hours to write.  Chores & errands are done, music is on and the computer is humming.  And I manage to write over 2500 words in that 3 hours.  The scenes just flow out of me, expanding as I go and by the end of the day the only reason I stopped (other than running out of alone time) was due to the need to plot out a little of the alternative world I created in order to set the base for our male main character.  And THAT… was going to take a bit of research.

And I was energized!  I was motivated.  I had the website in my browser for gathering the bits that inspired me from mythology to mesh together into letting my imagination speculate from there into 2,000 years of development to the now.  I was ready!  And I needed this distraction from my conflicting feelings about my own attractiveness.   I’ll admit it I was thrilled to be writing again.

And then I got a call from my brother, that evening, that my 72 year old, very healthy father had a major stroke and was in the hospital.  He said I didn’t need to come to the hospital as he’d just been admitted and they were working on him.  He’d call if he knew more.   Click.

And the muse just kind of sputters in frustration.   “Hard to compete with THAT!” she grumbles and settles back to wait.   Again.    And I try to go to sleep.  All the worries about kids, money, work, etc that writing had held at bay now crowd back into my consciousness trying to compete with the knowledge that my seemingly healthy father might be dead when I woke up.  Personally I felt very much like Spock.   “Thank you for the information, how is this going to effect my future, let me know if he lives please.”   This is how my mind handles things it cannot control or fix.

Needless to say I slept very little.  But as the days of this went on I forced myself to do the research to continue my story.  One day I’ll have time again to try to pick this up and I want to be ready.  Maybe December will be MY “NaNoWriMo” this year.

And so none of you are kept in suspense since I’m sometimes months late on a blog’s actual happened date I’ll just say I’ll write up a full blog on my Dad’s stroke & post it later.  But he survived the stroke.  He spent many stressful days at the local hospital stabilizing before being moved to Kaiser Sunset.  

 

Posted in Just Ramblings | Comments Off on National Novel Writing Month

Protected: Being a mistriss… that secret love

Posted on November 9, 2012 by Heather

This content is password-protected. To view it, please enter the password below.

Posted in Just Ramblings | Enter your password to view comments.

Protected: Jane’s Addiction

Posted on November 6, 2012 by Heather

This content is password-protected. To view it, please enter the password below.

Posted in Just Ramblings | Enter your password to view comments.

Armenian – ized

Posted on November 2, 2012 by Heather

I try very hard not to be a person to judge based on nationality.  But sometimes a nationality propagates its own stereotype.  I live in a LARGE Armenian community.  Our schools are pretty mixed of white, Hispanic, Black, Asian and Armenian.  But every other teacher is or speaks Armenian.  The fliers home come in 4 languages, English, Spanish, Armenian & an Asian language I cannot distinguish.  Hell, I think even the mayor is Armenian.

My City has the highest Armenian population in the nation... the NATION!!! According to the Census.

I’ve had Armenian friends & once even had it out with an Armenian grandfather who felt HE was entitled, for whatever reason was in his addled head, to double park in from of the Kindergarten to pick up his charge blocking the flow of traffic.  I’ve worked for Armenians and I’ve been a customer of Armenians.

And I understand the need to cling to your culture when you are new in a new land and when you are displaced.  But I beg of you to DROP the arrogance.  The “I am Armenian, we are better than ALL of you” is truly, truly annoying.  And worse, watching your children be the bullies in school because they are raised with the attitude that EVERYONE who isn’t Armenian is below, beneath, less, than them.   I know.. the bullies in my school district, every one of them, are Armenian.  I’ve had my sons point them out in the class photos.  And I’ve seen the boasting when I’ve helped out in the classroom.

Lucky for my Evan Armenians run skinny the day he decided he’d had enough and fought back.  He out-weighed them by at least 50-60 lbs.

The point to this rant?   My middle school son last week went to get his bike from the bike rack at school and it was gone.  I went to the school & was told they’d handle it then I was off to SF for a conference.  Of course, it wasn’t handled by the time I returned.  So I finally talk to the vice-principle & she says the boy who was found with it claimed it was his when challenged.  But couldn’t describe it to her whereas Evan could so it was deemed his and he came home with it.

I emailed her telling her I think his parents should be informed that upon finding an unlocked bike at school he just arbitrarily decided he would take it, that it was his.  If ANY of my kids EVER had that crazy idea in their heads I’d like to know it!  I wouldn’t want the school to cover it up as “resolved”.  But I get an email back from her saying just that.  That they considered the matter resolved.

I’m so tempted to file a police report… because with THIS attitude in a middle schooler, how long until he’s just ‘taking’ cars because he fancies them.   Except I’d rather not waste the cops time.

Do I know this boy is Armenian?   No, actually they won’t tell me nor Evan anything about the boy.   But other cultures are raised with the sense that if you see a thing and know its not yours and you take it, its called THEFT.   And if most are going to commit theft… they are NOT going to ride it back to school the next time they are in school and claim its theirs!  But Arrogance will.

Nationality is one thing but if it leaves your child slightly Alienated in your adopted country you do them a disservice.   Worse if it leaves them a reputation of untrustworthiness.  And sadly that is the reputation amongst my other friends of my city’s Armenians.

Caveat to all these facts and opinions I know that not EVERY Armenian treats everyone else as a pigeon to be scammed, no matter how prevalent that is in my city.  And I know that by the 3rd generation they’ll be so Americanized that you’ll not distinguish them from any other American, because they themselves will.   I just wish we’d stop catering to the ego-demands of some of these parents walking about.

Posted in Just Ramblings | Comments Off on Armenian – ized

Ultimate Man

Posted on October 26, 2012 by Heather

I’ve already written a lively post about my Chicago experience and told you much about Joseph, the underwear model I thoroughly enjoyed there.  Well, I’ve finally settled on his nick name… Ultimate Man.  So, of course (!)  I must tell you why that fits him better than the other choices I had.

It’s the way he throws his ALL into the sexual encounter.

Now I’m not saying most men don’t try to use all their skill to make sex as wonderful as possible for all parties involved.  Because I firmly believe they do.  I think its the one place a man truly tries to “give” as much as he gets.   And as a woman who’s had a few moments of trying to please another women, lets give ALL men a round of applause for the efforts they put into this!  Cuz ladies, we are WORK!  And there is soooooo much pressure on men to perform and please and live up to crazy expectations in and out of the bedroom that sometimes comes with women, that let’s face it… if it wasn’t for their cock demanding sex they probably would just go watch football or something.

But there are some men who love sex so much they’ve surpassed the skill of the average lover.  They’ve experimented with the extreme fringes of sexual acts and learned things about their bodies and female bodies that have elevated them from your typical “player” or married-to-one-woman forever man.  (Although, caveat, some couples end up more experienced than single people out of the need to keep things spicy but that doesn’t mean a man’s skill extends beyond the body of that one woman and women can be vastly different.)   These types of lovers are a wonderful treasure and often are the types that tend to wither in monogamous relationships.  They are Hedonists and spice and lust and sex are of a higher value in their system than to the average man.  They make the best lovers and pretty much ALL my favorites fall into this category.

But there is a higher category than the Hedonist and that is where Ultimate Man falls into.  And how do I know this is a category and not just where I put Ultimate Man?   Because Tongue God also falls into this same category.    This is the category where the Hedonist adores women so much he makes love to them on a level that combines skill with complete sincerity in their worship of YOU.  Not just your body, but YOU.  It is an amazingly orgasmic experience and it is heady, dangerous stuff.  Very much NOT for the weak!

Their caresses are more intense, they are attentive to every nuance,  they spend hours on foreplay tailored just for you, they… and here is the dangerous part… they look you deep in the eyes for long periods of time.

I recently read an article that talked about the 8 signs your man is in love with you if he’s not said it and the FIRST TWO were (1)  long periods of eye contact and (2) looking at you when you aren’t looking at him.   So when this top category of lover is worshiping you with his every look and act and aim he is giving your lizard brain a million signals which are screaming… “He’s in love with you!!”

Hence the designation that they Make Love, they do not just Fuck.  And I gotta tell you, its safer if you just fuck.   Really!  Because there are inherent problem in making such sweet love to a woman and sending her brain subtle signals that you’re falling in love with her!  It’s why MOST men actively avoid sending those signals until they ARE in love!

Tongue God is 4 years my senior.  When I met him 3 years ago he was 51 and well versed with the reactions he had with women.  It has never stopped him from being the man he is and I love it when I get to play with him.  Although I have learned to curb his ego’s desire to get more orgasms out of me than any other.  Like orgasms outa me is difficult!! Ha!  Sheesh.  Want a challenge?!?… get my lust up to crescendo level and let me loose on ya… That is a ride few can do much less handle and one of the reasons Sex God is Sex God.

Drat, I got side-tracked.

What Tongue God has learned over the years to do is literally forewarn every lover about this misconception his style leaves them with.  I distinctly remember him telling me, “When I make love with a woman I’m so intense about it that a lot of women think I’m in love with them.  I want to make it clear that I’m not going to change my life.  I’ve had women I’ve dated as friends suddenly want to meet my kids and I realize they’ve misunderstood our relationship.  They think I’m in love with them.”

At the time I just smirked at his arrogance but I must say I felt the pull of him almost immediately.  His was the first pedestal I was happy to be on.  (Granted I was on  my back, but it was a BIG pedestal!)  The way he stroked my ego into truly FEELING as special as I secretly hoped and wanted to be, well it was addicting and I wanted more of it.  Like any Goddess, I wanted that adoration.  Plus he was very handsome and a ‘catch’ as he was smart, single & in a good tax bracket.  That in itself is a lizard brain allure many women fall under.

I met Tongue God before Sex God and whenever I had a free night he was the first man I texted for sex.   And he never put me off if he was available, but since neither of us could host at the time, him being available was extremely rare.  Although come to think of it, he could have afforded a hotel room if he’d wanted me that badly. lol

I quickly realized that when he was with me I was his world.  But when I was not… well, I was not!  And the feelings he generated in me were mine to deal with and not truly his fault.  He’d warned me, after all!  After I met Sex God and here was a man who treated me as girlfriend material and was my equal on the same path in so many compatible ways…. well, lets say I can now easily resist any confusing signals Tongue God sends my way when we’re together.  Of course it helped he was the third in my threesome in Vegas.. him and Sex God!  I got to compare them together and realized when it came to attraction I was more attracted to Sex God.  Tongue God is sexy but he’s 10 years older than Sex God.  Sometimes age matters in attraction.

Not Joseph but an example of the level of intensity in the eyes

And brings us right back to Ultimate Man.  Ultimate Man is a juicy 38.  Ultimate Man is frankly more eye candy than my libido knows what to do with.  In other words my brain truly turns off when I set eyes on him  in conversation…. very disconcerting to this storyteller!!!  My little voice kept begging me to look at him while he was making love to me.  (I think her exact words were, “put your glasses on bitch!”)   But every time I snuck a peak I fell just a little bit more in love with him.  He pulled my heart-strings like I was in high school with a first crush!   So I would peep a look at him while we were making love and instantly curse inside.  There he was staring at me JUST like the smitten love interest of EVERY romantic movie ever made!

Ultimate Man… who has more skill than ANY man I’ve ever been with, and let me tell you… THAT is saying something.   Ultimate Man who I sense because of the way he takes charge, reads a woman and is quietly commanding could dominate me in a sub/dom role-play that would be as epic as they say 50 Shades of Gray is.  (And the experimental me WANTS that experience!)   Sex God cannot dominate me as our relationshipp has evolved into me being the dominant and truth be told a Dom has to really spend the time to lay out the “Scene” to do the job proper and few of my lovers spend the time doing that.

Ultimate Man… who left me with the words, “This isn’t the last time you’ll be seeing me.”

So close to Joseph's "look"

It is every woman’s fantasy to be loved by an Ultimate Man.  It is every woman’s right to experience sex with an Ultimate Man.  But it is not every woman who can fall in love (because you WILL fall in love, even if you already ARE in love with another!) with an Ultimate Man and mentally realize its just your hind lizard pheromones reacting subconsciously and then work yourself out of the feelings.  (I’m half-way there, but it’s only been two weeks and it’s taken many nights with 3 different men so far lol)

Joseph told me on our first night together that when he meets a woman he’s always looking for that something… that some “thing” that some women have.  He admitted it wasn’t confidence although its often mistaken for that.   He told me he was thrilled when he met me and saw that I had it.   I think he searches for women who have strength.  And I think he needs it in his lovers so they can resist this natural reaction and he can sex them as he desires, with his all.

But I think he needs to give his lovers the same caveat as Tongue God gives to his.   As a matter of fact he needs to give it 5 times more as he’s not only 5 times as sexy & hot, but he’s been “making love to the camera” for almost 20 years now… that “intense look” is such a part of him I’m surprised he doesn’t get raped on the street!

I think now I'm just using the search for "examples" as a desire to FIND shots of Ultimate Man

Perhaps I’m more susceptible to his charms.  Perhaps he just does it for me on a deep level.  I may never know.  I do know that while I’m attracted to many types, I tend to stop seeing the facade of men and lust the individual behind the trappings of their physical looks.  I know that sounds existential but its kind of how I see ALL people.  And it’s one of the perks to Sex God… whenever I look over at him he’s like new eye candy that instantly sparks lust.  Few men do that for me.  Oh I like what I see and I’m attracted to them and lust them, but the eye candy, drooling, turn my mind off lust… I think prior to Joseph only Sex God had mastered that for me.

My friend Pat asked me “if THIS was the guy if he asked you to would you go monogamous?”  And then she laughed as I immediately hesitated!  That having answered it all apparently.  Yes, I would be an ecstatic camper if I thought I held a special place in the heart of Ultimate Man.  But I know even Ultimate Man alone could never keep me emotionally satisfied.  Partly because Ultimate Man has a full and busy life with no room for monogamous attachments and partly because as much as he does it for me and I fantasize I do it for him (while doubting it the entire time) we are very different, in different stages of our path, with different likes and desires.

I have to be honest with myself.  I love men too much to give up flirting and possibly enjoying a new man for the trappings of monogamy.   Even monogamy with Ultimate Man!  It’s why Sex God and I work, because monogamy doesn’t work for either of us and we can freely love each other without restrictions and in total honesty.

Of course that doesn’t mean I’m not setting aside a little something every month for a plane ticket to Chicago.  I’m not stupid!

Not stupid... just in stalker mode!

 

Posted in Narcissist Secrets | Comments Off on Ultimate Man

Key Communication

Posted on October 23, 2012 by Heather

So a bit ago I had a weekend of fun that left me more unsettled than satisfied.  I won’t go into too many details as those participating might not want my opinion specifically aired!

I will say that Tasty Man is as tasty as ever but he MUST heal is back so our time can live up to HIS expectations!   I’m always satisfied 🙂   And I will say that Great White Cock (justly deserved nickname heehee) well, lets just say I have ideas to make our time together even more fun than the fun we had but he needs to get outa his comfort zone!

It's only Respectful!

I also spend time at the beach with Sex God & well for some reason by Monday I had all these very strange feelings about the whole thing.   But like I’ve said before in a previous blog the best part about being almost 50 is I don’t have to hide my feelings or play games to get them out or feel heard.  I just sent him an email.

Which because of his crazy work schedule he promptly didn’t notice for 3 days! lmao  So for 3 days I’d poured my feelings & confusion & neediness into a vehicle and waited for a response.  Then he sent me a text saying how much work sucked & I said, “Well, then don’t read the email I sent until the weekend.”   Which, of course, prompted him to read it.

And then he did the exact opposite of smart.  He treated it lightly with joking texts.  Which, of course, made me feel my feelings were invalid.   And duh, I ALREADY knew they were crazy and invalid… I just wanted him to know I was feeling them & that they were the reason I might be pulling away a bit.  To deal with said insanity.  And if would be nice if he’d like to help me deal by eliminating some of them with a bit of reassurance & ego stroking.  hahaha.

So the next day he called and we talked it out.  Because we are grown ups.  And because when you ARE in a relationship, communication is a primal part of keeping said relationship.   And I felt a bit better.  But I knew that the only thing that would truly fix it would be to get a good fix from my Sex God.  But our timing wasn’t going to have that any time soon.  So I sighed and went on.

And then started my period the next day!!!

Turns out the whole “strange feelings & insecurity” was PMS!

Dammit, Menopause!!!

Posted in Just Ramblings | Comments Off on Key Communication

Best conference ever? Maybe. Oh who am I kidding… Hell Yes!

Posted on October 19, 2012 by Heather

This annual fall conference isn’t the best for sales, nor the best for future sale contacts, nor the one that pampers its exhibitors the most to make it a joy to attend.  It isn’t even the one with the most “conference fun girlfriends to party with”.  Heather Converts I like to call them, lol.   But it IS one of the few conferences I attend where I stay more than one night and manage to attend WITHOUT the boss, therefor I get to have alone time.

And by alone time, I mean I get to be Heather more and play if I so choose to.  As you may know from a previous post I went online several months ago to find a man or two to play with who were local to Chicago,

and I blogged it here…  http://www.heatherbarton.com/?p=3793

And so when I arrived I already had dates set up for Thursday and Friday.  Two different men both in their late 30’s with the winner of my preference getting me for Saturday night.  Or if I didn’t like either of them then I’d spend Saturday alone.  Win/win really. lol   Although I will admit I had 2 other back up candidates.

So Thursday I arrive and check in (nice room) and can’t set up (dammit!) and hug Nilda the conference coordinator I see every year and wish her a Happy Birthday (thank you Facebook lmao) and go down to the bar at 6 to  meet my date.  Happens one of the Heather Converts, Joan, is coming in by then and joins me at the bar to try and catch up like we vow to do every year and barely manage it cuz she’s off smoozing and now I’m off dating! lol.

My Thursday night man, Joseph, texts that he’s running late and I warn him Joan is with me but only staying 10 minutes more or so.  As a gentleman he asks if I want him to wait until she’s gone and I urge him to arrive whenever he can, Joan is apprised of the situation and for those who know me I have no secrets really. Obviously!  Remember, my readers, I’m not ashamed of how I live my life.  And a Heather Convert usually is well versed in how “bold” I can be.  Besides I didn’t want to miss out on hearing about Joan’s new man!

This is NOT him... but its close!

In any case, Joseph finally arrives and I’m more than pleasantly pleased by his looks.  In any of these situations you can only trust a picture and if you’re attracted to it, you can only hope they look the same in person.   Oh and Joseph looks MUCH hotter than his pictures and let me tell you, his pictures are hot!  When he told me he still modeled at his late 30’s age and taught mixed martial arts I was thrilled hoping it meant he most likely DID NOT have lots of age-fat on his body (like I do! hahaha) but I wasn’t expecting six pack abs & a smooth long waist.  Oh and his biceps and triceps and those ‘cepts along his back… drool is a word that barely covers it!  And he’s amazingly sexy to look at.  I mean… ALL THE TIME!  The kind of eye candy that makes you lizard brain go “whoa” when you glance at him in conversation.  Problem is it says it SO loud it’s hard to remember what you were talking about!

So we chat with Joan for a short then we call for the tab.  Cuz I REALLY want to get this man naked!  Before Joan and I can say a word about separate checks Joseph tells the waitress that its on him.  And he only had one drink!  Whilst Joan and I each a drink and an appetizer.  We both protest but its very clear that he’ll brook no argument.  It was a surreal sensation in a way.  Like being briefly transported to a different era filled with confident, dominate males.  Its a very subtle thing and can be flustering to some, frustrating to others, but makes the slut in me purr.

Joan said her goodbye’s and I asked Joseph if we should go upstairs to my room.  He admitted he wasn’t sure if he’d met my requirements for play and I bust out laughing!  See, yes, the “meet” is to verify chemistry but I wouldn’t have set up the meet if I wasn’t already attracted to the pictures.  The meet was to VERIFY a man looked like the pictures.  And he looked so much better than his pictures!  If he was a local L.A. man I’d have given him a kiss and set up a play night.  But I did not have that luxury here.  He did comment as we stood up, “Aren’t you going to seduce me?”  So I moved into his space with a smile and said, “If you’d like me to I’d be happy to.  Did you want a little PDA?”  He counters, grinning, with a, “Maybe in the elevator.”  But we just hurry straight to the room!

When we got there he took immediate charge.  But not how you would think.  He was determined to give me an evening I wouldn’t easily forget.  He started it with a full body message.  Let me rephrase that… he gave me a PROFESSIONAL full body message… arms, legs, hands, feet, did the most moan-producing Shiatsu on my shoulders and back… got groans of pain combined with giggles as he did my calves which are apparently somewhat ticklish!  Who knew!?!

Of course he paid special attention to my breasts, did my stomach and sides & quads which I apparently have been neglecting on the foam roller at the gym.  I did my very best take the pain as I knew these knots needed to be out but it was excruciating!  And all the while my hands were itching to touch the naked glory of the erection so near to me.  Whenever I secretly tried he’d bat my hand away.  It was a delicious game.  Made even more fun when he rolled me onto my stomach again to work on my ass and shoulders and placed that silken hardness in my hands.  It was an instant turn on and had me wiggling to get more of him to touch.  (and wishing I’d trimmed my nails!)

So for at least 30 minutes I got a professional massage from an underwear model and while this sounds highly sought after  there were many moments I thought, “there is nothing that will make a woman more self conscious of her body’s flaws than a naked full body massage by a new lover!”  And it was incredibly surreal to look down at the gorgeous man massaging my feet with a look of intensity and desire in his eyes.  I felt as if I was in some Lifetime romance movie!  Part of my wanted to laugh at the absurdity of ME having this experience and another part of me was unconsciously falling under the spell of it all.

But I’m trying really hard not to crack jokes from these eye-rolling thoughts going on in my head.  This man is very seriously trying to give me a spectacular evening.  An evening most women would be incredibly thrilled to have.  And he’s doing it with complete sincerity!  And doing it with such perfection and I wanted to honor that.   So I bottle up my rampaging humor, which let me tell you isn’t easy, but  lucky for me his arresting looks kinda short circuit a lot of my brain activity.  Yet when he tells me he will instantly do whatever I ask him to I’m at a loss!   (Okay…. I’ll admit it… he whispered it in between kisses, NOT helping.)  He tells me all I have to do is utter the words and within minutes we’d be doing it.  Any “it” I ask for.

Wow… my mind went blank.  (Or maybe it was the kisses.)  Yes, I want sex with him, but he’s asking what exactly I’d like to do next.  Oral?  He’s going to want specifics!  69, just him on me, just me on him, ass play also, finger only?  Specifics, people lets get on this!  And I’ve just had a glorious massage!  I can barely orchestrate a thought much less anything sexual when I’m THIS relaxed!   Did I mention the kisses?

I think I just whisper one of the many possibilities running through my head and we are doing it.  And it was glorious.  He was amazingly skilled and beautifully hung.  His fingers had me squirting almost across the room!  Something than no one, not Sex God, not Tongue God, nor Phat Boy or Tasty Man or Hottie had ever achieved.  Yes I squirt but its very situational.  Usually I’m standing and the man is long fingered and my legs are far apart and he’s fucking me with his hands hard and fast and hitting some spot along with my clit in juuuuust such a way.  Actually I’m never sure exactly what they are doing to do that to me.  lol   And usually it can be more painful than pleasurable!  But the skill of Joseph was so amazing as he did it to me over and over and when I told him after the first time to stop cuz it has hurt in the past he did it again in just a slightly different way that it didn’t hurt at all.

Thankfully the mess was mostly on the towel we laid down for the massage!  And less you think his performance on fucking didn’t match the wonderful skill with his fingers you are just fooling yourself!  Glorious and loving and long and lots of orgasms later I’m telling him that what I’d really like was for him to cum!   His pre-cum was delicious!  And as usual the actual load had that slight metal tang.   Honestly I think I like the taste of cum but not sperm!  Epiphany!

We rest, then shower, talking all the while.  I’m just visually eating him up and almost want to strip the clothes off him when he’s dressed cuz he’s beyond scrumptious in a charcoal long coat… mmmmmmm.

Where was I?   Oh yes.  🙂    Joseph kisses me and tells me he’s available for Saturday if I decide he was good enough and I’m laughing.  I slept soooo well that night.  But too well on the firm bed and woke with such a stiff lower back.  Probably the supporting knots in my back had been ironed out!

We had pretty good sales considering how difficult it was to drag my mind away from my prior evening.  By 7 pm I’m done for the night so head to the bar for an dinner of  an appetizer and drink.  I had them make a Pelican since they had Grey Goose Pear Vodka… which was delicious even though they used Coke and not Throwback Pepsi as is preferable by my Sex God who invented the drink.

Mark shows up and he’s just as cute as his pictures and more of my regular type.   Slightly unsure what to do with such a confidant woman, pleasant to look at, smart & good company, more soft & naturally lean than hot.  I easily take charge and enjoy a lovely night with him.   I’m even able to fulfill a few fetishes he has… but honestly we spent more time talking than actually fucking.  After an hour or two he’s off on his way and I text Joseph to see if he’s free for the next evening.   Lucky me he is.

Again... NOT him... but smoldering looks & tousled hair similar!

Another day of selling, this time the sales are abysmal!  I think the recession has finally hit my business this year.  Ah well… it just encourages me to push us in new directions.   But I cannot be sad about sales.  I’m going to play with my now favorite Chicago man.   And I’m toying with nick names for  him.    Finger God, Chicago Man, Mr. Gorgeous….  so many choices.  Because he’s so good at so many things!

That night I got to talk more to him than on the first night and we even got daring and did anal, which I really didn’t think I could do with his size, but he’s a master of going gentle where needed & not when I want it rougher.   Plus its so easy to give him directions, that’s very important! lol  But I only got 2 hours with him.  And I really, really wanted more.   Not so much because of the sex, but because I valued his company.   But this blogs long enough, so maybe more on that later.

I didn’t get a chance to do the Chicago music scene.  Maybe another trip…. cuz I’d LOVE to visit Chi-town again.  Sadly in 2013 the closest I’ll get is St Louis in May!   Other two conferences are on the east coast… and my boss will be with me on that May conference… sigh.  Just my luck!

Posted in Naughty Stuff | Comments Off on Best conference ever? Maybe. Oh who am I kidding… Hell Yes!