The Five’s

Posted on July 15, 2009 by Heather

I think this was just to be in five’s but I added stuff…since I’m so old!

 

     5 PLACES I’VE LIVED…   Burbank, CA…  Iowa City, IA…   San Antonio, TX…   Fayetteville, NC…    40 miles into the desert from Bartow, CA

 

     5 BAD HABITS…   I snack when I read.   I monopolize conversations (why I love the blog!).   I assume everyone finds me as interesting as I find me (I’m not a narcis…ooo, mirror!)   If there are donuts, ice cream, candy and any form of milk chocolate…I WILL EAT IT!    I trust everyone…  although sometimes I’m just not buying what they’re selling ‘cause I don’t need it at the time.

 

     5 THINGS FOLKS DON’T KNOW ABOUT ME…   Ooo a daring question, offering me the opportunity to shock others!  

I have a third nipple.  (I will NOT ‘get out’, it’s true!)   I love oral sex, but that’s a duh!   I still have my collection of Bryer’s plastic horses from my childhood (probably worth money these days…I broke off many a Barbie leg making her ride them!  Bitch deserved it.)    I do NOT think porn is bad.   I think drugs (at least weed) and prostitution should be legal, although I currently do neither!

 

     5 THINGS ON MY ‘TO DO’ LIST FOR TOMORROW…    Umm, finalize the contracts on licensing…. Data entry all the personal finances for the month…. Filing, oh Lordy the filing…   cut lots more words out of my novel….  And lastly, GO SHOPPING.  Maaaacy’s is haaaaving a saaale!

     5 THINGS I HAVE ON MY ‘SOME DAY’ LIST…      Learn to fly a plane…. Take singing lessons….. Learn to play the drums…. Get a Motorcycle License…  Be a Published Author.

 

     WHERE I WAS 5 YEARS AGO…   I was spatially in the same place but physically I was 20 lbs heavier.  And on my frame, that is A LOT.  And mentally I was all about motherhood, Scrapbooking, parenting and working my part time job.  5 years ago the boys were 6, 4 and 2…so duh!  I was still 1 year away from diaperlessland and several years from remembering what it felt like to be “well rested” with several nights of uninterrupted sleep.

 

     WHERE I WAS 10 YEARS AGO…  I was a new wife and a new mother of an 18 month old.  I called my mom daily for parenting help and I was trying to sell Tupperware.  And… oh yeah, and I was pregnant with my second by then also.  I remember begging my son to watch Sesame Street so Mommy could nap.  PLEASE!!!  And my husband was deployed sometimes for months.  Yeah…  good times.

 

     WHERE I WAS 15 YEARS AGO…  I was on the quest for the elusive husband.  I was hovering around 30 and I’d given God 1 year to bring the mythical Mr. Right anywhere in my sights or I was writing off the whole process and going to the sperm bank.  But I was pro-active.  I joined a dating service and worked it!  Hershel’s gotta buy a ticket!  (feel free to comment if you don’t know that joke and I’ll tell it to ya.)

 

     WHERE I WAS 20 YEARS AGO…  Lordy I was a true slut  “health nut”  but just starting to get a little sick of the bar scene.  I think that may have been when I tried my second dating service and met a guy I dated for several months at the first party.  He lasted until I went to Club Med with my sister and mother, now that’s a story!

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A few of my favorite jokes

Posted on July 14, 2009 by Heather
I love humor.  I collect it, treasure it and share it with my friends. 
Here are some of the the ones that make me giggle all day.
 
 
Little Girl:   I want Barbie and Xena for Christmas.
Aunt:              Doesn’t Barbie come with Ken?
Little Girl:   No she comes with Xena, she just fakes it with Ken.
 
           ************
 
Cougar:   Hmmm, a young man…
Housewife:  Jailbait.
Cougar:   Stamina!
Housewife:   I am NOT a Starter Kit!
 
   **************
 
From How I Met Your Mother the TV Show

 

Person 1:  What do you want to eat?

Person 2:  How about Wong’s?

Person 3:  I don’t like Chinese.

Person 1:  Well how about the Indian Palace?

Person 3:  I just told you I don’t like Chinese!

Person 2:  What?

Person 1:  Never mind.  How about that Mexican place on fifth

Person 3:  I SAID I don’t LIKE Chinese!

Person 2:  What are you talking about those are three different types of food.

Person 3:  No they’re not, they’re all the same.  Weird meats, funny music…side of rice.

 

   *************

 

From Sherman’s Lagoon
 
Fish:   I love camping.  You have anything to open this can of pork & beans?
Sherman:   Sure, I got this awesome new tool.  Let’s see, corkscrew, corkscrew, and, uh, a corkscrew.
Fish:  What IS that thing?
Sherman:   French Army Knife.
 
   **************
 
From One Big Happy
 
Ruthie:  Grampa, let’s skip!
Grampa:  Skip!  Ruthie, grownups don’t skip, I’d look ridiculous.
Ruthie:  But Grampa, it’s fun, it makes you feel good….PLEASE!
Grampa:  Absolutely NOT!
        Neighbor One:  What’s Nick doin’ over there?
        Neighbor Two:  I don’t know.  It looks like he’s having some sort of walking seizure!
 
  **************
 
From Willy & Ethel
 
Shrink:  In the Feast of Life there are many choices…some choose wealth, some choose power, some choose happiness.
 
Willy:  I don’t know…but if I had a choice, I think I’d go with the Combo Platter.
 
   *************
 
More from Willy & Ethel
 
Willy:   There’s a special on next called ‘What our government is doing right.”
Ethel:   I’d like to see that.
Willy:   Then don’t blink.
 
   ***************       
 
Job Fair Interviewer:    What can you do other than sit around looking stupid?
Job Fair Applicant:        So what you’re saying then is you don’t need an assistant?
 
   ***************
 
Prude:           Look at how she’s dressed, what a slut.
Comedian:    They say sex reduces stress.  Maybe she’s not a slut… maybe she’s a Health Nut.
  
 
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Optimist vs Pessimist

Posted on July 13, 2009 by Heather

The other day I got a speeding ticket.

Put me right into a funk, I’ll tell ya.   And it wasn’t even on the freeway.  Between my house and Eithne’s is a big long hill.  So I’m coming home from dropping something off, cruising down the hill and I see a motorcycle cop.  Dammit!   I know the city needs money but, Dammit!

Sure enough he pulls me over.   He was very nice about it, although not flirty.  I’ve been pulled over by flirty…very fun…still get a ticket but you’re not unhappy you got it!   Still, Officer P. Fletcher was cordial, unsmiling but took a lot of extra time with me.   Yes, it was a new car for me that’s why I didn’t have my tags.  Sure I bought it used but from a dealer, don’t they know what they’re doing.  Me, sincerely, “Should I be worried I don’t have the tags by now?”

I think he wasn’t sure what to make of me.  Suspicious details surround me.  Hot red car, cute stylish woman driving it, but she’s got three kids in the back, her license is a PO box but her insurance is a street address.  I was raising red flags everywhere.   And getting out of the car to see if my personality could ‘raise’ anything else to get out of the ticket has never been my style.  Especially with my kids in the car!

(I could segue here into ticket stories but I’ll save it for another blog, this is about my pessimist.)

So the whole things puts a large damper on my personal enthusiasm and the two sides of that coin start arguing in my head.

Pessimist:     What did I do to deserve a ticket!

Optimist:      It’s just your turn, someone has to get it, don’t take it personal.

Pessimist:     The universe hates me.

Optimist:      Well if you thinking that you’d better get ready for more bad luck.

Pessimist:     So it’s my fault for liking motorcycles & the idea of seducing a cop?

Optimist:      If you can bring stuff to you by thinking, start thinking of winning the lottery!

Pessimist:     Only bad stuff seems to happen that way.

Optimist:      Bullshit, go to traffic school and its off your record.

Pessimist:     Have to because of the accident I just had, and it all costs money!

Optimist:      But think of the people you’ll get to meet.

Pessimist:     Yucky reprobates…slimy idiots with beer bellies.

Optimist:      Go to traffic school by the beach and go as Cat…you’ll have a blast.

Pessimist:     Hmmmm, the gas might be worth that…

And boom, now I’m looking forward to it!   That’s how the optimist wins.  She finds something, anything, positive to dwell on instead of the negative.   And if its something to look forward to in the future…jackpot.  Because nothing keeps your spirits up than something hopeful to look forward to. 

That, my friends, is a muscle every one of us needs to develop to survive.   Its one of the reasons GNO is so important to us.  Its something we can look forward to in our future.  But to really stay happy you have to see the path your on as something hopeful for the future.   Much harder to do…and baby steps is often the only way to do it.   Because with a new muscle we have to use it a little, a lot of times.    Like on a ticket.

As we drove away my youngest admitted he was hiding.  He said, “I thought we were all going to jail!”

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The suck part of writing

Posted on July 12, 2009 by Heather

Isn’t growth fun…NOT. 

Believe it or not as I grow as a writer it seems to spill over into everything.  I can’t draft ANYthing anymore without rereading and editing it at least once.  And I absolutely must use every spell check program because I’m used to my Word doing it half automatically for me.  I keep forgetting to capitalize stuff, ’cause Word will if I forget.

Sometimes work takes twice as long because I have to go back over every email and read to make sure my meaning for each sentence is clear.  Hell, it’s just an EMAIL!  You can’t get more clear than, “We are prepaid, send me your money.”  or my current favorite, “No we don’t take checks from Japan, because even if it says ‘in US Funds’ how the hell would I know!”   Although really I never curse to clients until after I’ve hung up or sent the email.   Thank goodness I work alone!

So now I’m looking at everything I write and rereading it and correcting it and its just slowin’ me down, big-time.  Sheesh, prepping 6 blogs over the weekend sometimes takes half a day!  Don’t get me started on my personal correspondence which is turning more and more into a “dear diary” situation! 

And my reading, sigh.  My favorite pastime has been changed for me.  When I read an author sometimes I get very discouraged that my writing isn’t anything as good as theirs.  How can I possibly create characters and plots as interesting?  Is there too much sex in my books?  Does it regulate me to the back shelves and anonymity?  Sometimes I feel like a struggling actress worried that her porn career, while it pays great and she loves it, wasn’t the way to go to get her career into major motion pictures.

And sometimes I can hear my voice change in my writing after I’ve read another author.  So I stay away from some of my favorite authors because I don’t want that influence.  This is kind of a bummer, because I’m a plot-hound.  I want to know what’s going on in the relationships of my characters.

Yet, ever the optimist I’m hopeful this is just a transitory thing.  Hell, other authors read other books and don’t seem to have a problem.  Maybe I’m just being slightly influenced because I’m ‘finding’ my voice.  (Cross your fingers!)

What I find amusing, as I read different authors in the current trend of vampires, is how I analyze another authors’ style.  I never used to do that when I read a book.  It was either, I like it or  I didn’t like it.  Just like the way we used to watch movies when we were in our early twenties.  I was amazed as time passed and I watched a lot of movies that I could sometimes tell the writing was good but the acting sucked.  Or you knew the actors were good and the lines seemed good, so that had to be the director.  And sometimes you walked out of the theater knowing that was the best casting director ever or absolutely the worst…that’s when you know the actor, though good, wasn’t right for that part. 

Reading has become something like that for me.  I love a Laurel Hamilton but sometimes her description goes on and on.  Criminy her last book spent a page describing the Vegas strip.  Like we don’t already know what that looks like!  I’ve taken to skipping paragraphs, every authors nightmare.  But maybe I do that because she’s on her 16th book in the series and she’s repeating stuff I’ve read 15 times before.  Maybe.   Someone kick me if I do that as an author.  Screw the idea that each book should stand alone.  If it says number 15 in a series, go the hell out and read the first one…you dolt.

The point being that now as I read I read with half an eye to learning.  Before it was just escape and pleasure.  Now it’s different.   Still a bit of an escape and still a pleasure but now I have my own thoughts on the authors style or ‘voice’ and how that’s what makes the book so unique.  Just another vampire book, yes.  Interesting twist with a unique plot and characters, yes.   But it’s the authors voice that makes it, thirdly, unique and the voice that will resonate with the fans and sell the books.  I’m just starting to realize THAT part of the writing process.

And I wonder about my voice…there are so many sides to me and my books/characters reflect that.  Cat (the 1st books character) is sultry and powerful in her sexuality.  The 2nd book about her adds her personal competence to that as she works through meshing these two separated parts of her life together.  The 3rd (and yes there will be a third, I’ve got a scene or two written in my head) will have her dealing with national publicity while trying to sort out her own love life.

Yet the main character on the multiverse series is much more of a pessimist.  I think there will be more humor in it, more romance, more action and less sex.  And I think my ‘voice’ will be very different.   How will the fans react? 

Well, you my readers & friends will have to tell me honestly.  Because you are my first sounding board.  You guys were the first to tell me, “Hey…I like it!”  or “Hey it was good but got boring.”  (And Gina I know just where and thank you!!)  And you guys told me exactly which parts were best, so now that I’m cutting it practically in half, I know which parts of my writing is the strong & good part so I can look at the other parts and see where it needs fixing or slashing.

So as I develop my ‘palate’ as a writer, you guys get to come along for the ride.   At least I don’t ask you to swirl, sip and spit!  (Although in my books swirling and sipping are to be expected…you should always swallow, never spit!)

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Labor cure

Posted on July 11, 2009 by Heather

I was speculating on why as a society we don’t use sex for more practical purposes.  Now, I can hear  confused exclamations of “What the F?” you puritans.  But hear me out.

I remember being susceptible to seasickness when I went whale watching (an incredibly useless endeavor… like searching for comets in the sky).  It happened again when I was in Club Med.  While there I took a day trip via boat to a little party strip of sand.  The difference between the ride out and the ride back was twofold.  One I was sober on the way out so on the way back the seasickness was three times as bad because I was seriously drunk. 

Two, and why I didn’t throw up over the side was because I was being diddled the whole way back by…by… hell I don’t remember his name.  Anyway, the point being… pleasure down there completely took away all my nausea and seasickness.   So I began to wonder… could this useful technique work in other situations. 

Now I’m sure it would work if you were getting say, a tattoo or blood drawn.  And I’ll try using my imagination on a seduction scene next time I’m getting blood drawn and let you know if it works.  (I have a large fear of needles and have to get blood drawn twice a year…so I’m a good test subject.)  And I’m sure anyone putting a tattoo on you wouldn’t care if you were playing with yourself while he was doing it! 

But would this technique work in say… birth?  They suggest sex to induce labor.  But has anyone mentioned stimulating the clitoris during contractions to help get the woman through them?  Screw the breathing crap…fondle me!  Just imagine if it works!  A vibrator in every delivery room!  Birth becomes literally orgasmic.  The C-section rate would decline down to nothing!

Seriously…I think I’m on to something!

 

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It’s the Little Things

Posted on July 10, 2009 by Heather

You always hear about “how it’s the little things” in life that makes it worth living.  I like to think it’s the little things that can make life worth remembering.

 

Like the first time I was kissed in a way that made my brain just shut down.  It wasn’t overly romantic…I was in a plain robe in my small apartment kitchen cooking pancakes for Mr. New Guy.  It also wasn’t a seduction…it was the morning after all that fun.  But it was spontaneous…i.e. no warning.  And it was perfectly executed…i.e. I asked him if he wanted pancakes and he wrapped an arm around my waist and frenched me.  I’ll never know if that was the moment or him, but the memory of that kiss will remain with me forever.  His spontaneous deep kiss went straight to my brain just shutting off all thought and instantly switched my body on.

 

Like I said…the little things. 

 

The time, months ago, that I was driving to work and noticed what looked like a cover model from a romance novel walking down the street.  Was he gorgeous?  Couldn’t tell you, I barely saw his face.  He was walking toward me on the opposite side of the street and what registered was, nice bod and wow…look at that hair.  I’ve never seen hair that long and that glorious on a man.  It must have gone half way down his back.  It looked thick and straight, combed and the prettiest natural blond color.  I’ve never been into long hair on a guy because they barely maintain it and its often accompanied by beer bellies and beards.  But this one, oooooo, I wanted to pull over and run my hands through it.  If I hadn’t been driving I would have at least stopped and stared. 

 

Little things…I can’t drive down that street without hoping I’d see that guy again.

 

The other day, on a walk, I was waiting for a light and saw a guy on a sports motorcycle heading our way.  There was no other traffic so I got to stare at the bike with my “I like what I see” smile on my face.  And he knows he looks all sexy and mysterious on his bike, who he is hidden by his helmet.  I see his head turn slightly to scope us out (me and my 66 year old mother) and when he gets abreast of us he gives the engine a little rev as he drives by.  A token acknowledgment of admiration and I break into a grin.  Is he saying he finds me cute?  Is he saying he sees I like guys on bikes?  Is he saying he’s got to get to that next intersection before the light turns red?  It doesn’t matter…because it’s a little thing and I get to make of it anything I want.  To me he was flexing his testosterone and I took it and bathed it all over my ego.

 

Did I date the mind-numbing kisser?  Yes, but we broke if off due to the hardships of the travel time and his kisses after that one never shut down my awareness of everything, although he was quite passionate.

 

Will I ever see the gorgeous model guy?  Probably not…but boy will he get put in a novel some day.

 

I’ll take these little things to make my life interesting…to make the memories I carry into wonders I collect and bring out occasionally to look at, fondle and treasure. 

 

It’s all in your perception.  Go find your little things.

 

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Selective Memory

Posted on July 9, 2009 by Heather

I recently reconnected with my sister.  Don’t misunderstand…we aren’t fighting or feuding or anything of that sort.  We’re just busy.  She’s got two little ones still at the dependent stage and me…well you all know how crazy my life is.

But last week she called to ask an innocent question and actually had the time to be tortured on the phone by me.  (And those who’ve had me on the phone know the black hole of time talking to me creates.)  

And it was wonderful.  We talked for less than an hour but managed to catch up on so much and re-connect in a way that both of us treasured.  And I had an epiphany.

I’d forgotten how much I like, really LIKE my sister.  Don’t get me wrong…I love the girl (little sister in every way except height… thin, blond, beautiful… a tanned beach goddess), she’s my only sister so its natural.  But we’re different in a lot of our personal beliefs… religion, politics, the usual stuff.   And I had let those differences turn our relationship into “friendly across a divide.”

At our core, I look like my mother but take a lot after my father.  My sister is the opposite.  But my parents made pretty good “partners” even if not the best spouses to each other so my sister and I compliment each other. 

She is the endless energy and I’m the sedentary observer.  She’s the one the men approach and I’m the one seducing them to the table.   She has everything property cleaned, decorated and stylish while I’m often mismatched (although less now), let the boys be well, boys and have a bit of clutter on almost every surface. 

But in all our opposites, she’s my sister.   She’s only 5 years younger than me and with both of us now in our 40’s…well that mid-life thing, ya’ll know.   I’m actually moving closer to her attitude in life…gym, stylish presentation, where’s the party/event/social gathering.  I can only wonder if she’s gaining some of my past perspective…the ‘shit happens’ attitude or the ‘I’m so tired I just want to stay home’ philosophy!

I don’t know about all that but I do know I’m not going to let the divide chasm open again.  She admitted she prefers to stay in contact with people over the Internet because she can answer at 11pm when she has a moment…(yes, she’s the night owl and I’m the morning person) so I’ve made it a point to fire one off to her at least weekly.

Of course, she can always check the blog to stay in touch.  But of course, in all those opposites, which one of us do you think disapproves of promiscuous behavior!

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Conversations with Me

Posted on July 8, 2009 by Heather

Today was fascinating.

I went to the gym, per my usual routine.  Got there before 6am and did my 30 on the elliptical.  I’m reading a wonderful book so I can’t, just can’t do Gina’s suggested “Torture 12” (what Eithne and I call it)  It’s the usual for 4 minutes then for 4 minutes we do 30 seconds of “let’s see if we can break the machine if we go super fast”, 3o seconds of normal then back to fast.  Back and forth for 4 minutes, then we get normal for the last 4 minutes.  We’re so out of breath we can only curse her name in our heads!

But the book is too good, a David (huh…a David, shrug) Weber anthology of little bits from all his series.  A great way to see a series before you start it.   Anyway, after my 30 minutes I’m off to the weights.  Usually I just use the machines but Gina’s got me brave enough to be one of those women standing in front of the mirror with all the guys and trying to not seem too uncoordinated.  The key is to go slow so it looks like you really know what you’re doing ’cause you’re concentrating so hard.

But ow!   All day, everyday, ow!  My shoulders and upper back are letting me know what I’m doing is working and they are lazily complaining!    Good, but ow!

Soooo, I’m leaving the gym and it’s almost two stories down of stairs.  I always watch the people as they walk up to see their expressions.  And today this guy stares at my feet the whole walk up.  I’m grinning ear to ear because he’s obviously got a foot fetish and can’t take his eyes of my red manicured toes poking out of my black sandals.  He never once looked at my face!

It flashes me back to when I used to work at a pool hall as a waitress.  (Flirty fun, lots of work and its amazing how good you ‘think’ you are at pool when you watch it all day…I suck at pool.)  The oldest son of the owner had a thing for feet.  So every day at least once during work I’d slip off my shoes,  flash him my toes and he’d dramatically fall to his knees.  No, really!  I do have adorable feet but probably only to those who love feet!

Poor guy, though.  His lovely girlfriend wasn’t Armenian and to his Armenian family that was the worst thing he could date.  And I wonder if it gave him a sense of freedom knowing he’d could tell her anything and blame his “I can’t marry you” crap on his family’s approval.  I give it another generation…maybe two and the kids won’t care who they marry. 

I think it happens with every immigrant group.  ‘You can only marry a Chinese girl!’  ‘What, he’s not Italian!’  ‘Where are all the good Jewish girls!’  All that falls to the wayside by the 3rd and 4th generation because the kids see themselves less as Italian and more as American and they’re now looking to connect with an American who thinks like them.  Well, maybe not so much the Jews because that’s tied up in their religion and the fact being Jewish follows the mother…so if she ain’t Jewish you got a problem!

AANNNYYYway that was this morning.  I popped home, did some quick emailing, popped the day’s blog up and readied the kids for the beach.  Sandwiches, chairs, sunscreen, fruit, frozen juice, umbrella, boogie boards.  Locked and loaded and off we went.  Only 30 minutes behind schedule, risked the 5 with NO problems and got there in a hour.  Loading the three kids up with stuff we managed only one trip from the car to the shore.  After set up and sun screening we head for the water that they’ve been begging to hit since we arrived.

Then its, “too cold!   Ewww, seaweed!” and whine and whine and wheres’ the wine!  Convinced they’re too irritating to drown I head back to the beach chairs under the umbrella.  It was windy…and cold…but it warmed up by the time we left!  Had to leave early due to an appointment and I was worried over traffic because of the Michael Jackson funeral.  Lucky me…got none of it and we had time enough to pop in at home before we headed out so I could get my laptop and ‘rip’ more words out of Cat. 

I’m becoming quite the slasher on my novel.  “We don’t need that scene!” I savagely yell out while this little voice says, “But that really develops Samuel’s uncertainty…”  Screw Samuel…he’s fine!   See, words gone and he’s fine…blissfully pleased he’s boinking Cat!  Onward! 

Truthfully I’m at the part of the 1st full day and 2nd night and the novel really slows here so I’m being very brutal in my condensing.  I realize I wrote it as if I’d lived it.  Which is great for the important scenes but I was filling almost every moment with interaction and conversation.  It’s like tagging along while the hero rides to the rescue (which takes hours) and he and his sidekick just kick the conversation around.  Some parts might be funny, even interesting, but the reader’ll get bored ’cause there ain’t no action.

By the time I got home from the appointment, kids in tow, car unpacked, stuff de-sanded and dinner cooked  (Okay, heating up corndogs isn’t hard but it counts as cooking to me!)  I.  WAS.  Exhausted.   Physically.  Mentally my brain is going on and random things, per usual.  So I thought, hell, let’s blog it.

Because the above is what its like to have a conversation with me, although you do get a word in…its just edgewise.  I bebop about, bringing up unusual things that happened to me, which brings up a funny story from my past, which segways into a personal opinion piece.   And all of you who’ve experienced talking one on one with me know just how true that is!  I think it’s one of the reason I so enjoy meeting strangers.  Not only are they fascinating characters in waiting but they are unsuspecting willing recipients of my entertainment side. 

In other words…they haven’t heard ANY of my stuff!

UPDATE:  I just HAD to add this.  Almost a year and a half after writing this blog I was single and met a man who KNEW the pool-hall, foot-fetish guy.  That brave Armenian man married his Latina love and they had 2 kids.  My friend dated for quite a while their little sister.  Tells you how progressive this family was, my friend was Black!   So cool.

 

 

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The Older Woman’s Table

Posted on July 7, 2009 by Heather

My first novel is about a Cougar and I’ve observed several things as I write it while I upgrade myself and my life.  Of course one of the most interesting things I observed is this ‘thing’ between Urban Cougars and the Cubs they date.

 

And I wonder…what do these women bring to the table?  So I looked around at the young women and made observations about the differences between them and us.  A lot of Cougars are just as hot and some are just as pretty as any twenty or thirty something.  Most make just as much money, if not more, than any professional woman much younger.  So what does the Cougar bring to the table that entices the cub away from his own age group?

 

Well, first and foremost I think it’s the sex.  Yes, we all know that a Cougar knows what she wants and has no problem passing that information onto her partner.  But many modern women today do that, although truthfully probably not all. 

                But remember most Cougars have entered their sexual prime.  Imagine how much sex the average 18 year old male thinks about and all the surging testosterone.  Now put that into the woman in her 40’s and you have a classic Cougar, constantly hot and ready for it.   (Or is that just me?!?)   Lucky for us men are sluts and happy to help out or we’d be as bad off as they were at 18!  Maybe since they’ve been thru it they’re more sympathetic!

 

Yet back to the point.  It’s not just the sex, it’s what the older woman doesn’t do that I think the cubs find appealing.  She doesn’t really give a shit about your job, the car you drive, where you’re going with your life or most importantly…if you’re Mr. Right.  She’ only interested in whether your body is enticing and you’re nice on the eyes.  She wants to know can you last long enough to sate this overwhelming craving she has to bed you, over and over again. 

 

So she’s not looking at you wondering if you might be the love of her life (like the young ladies probably are).  She wants to know are you worth the effort of a test drive?

 

And the Cougar doesn’t walk around with that untouchable air younger women use to warn off men.  You know the look, the “I’m out of your league” walk, stance or attitude.  Some young women do it because they might not want to be bothered, others because they want you to try and ‘win’ them.   

 

The Cougar’s attitude is “Look, admire, come on over and flirt all you want…I may be very interested, especially if you’ve caught me eyeing you.”

 

And if you want wild, without strings…a Cougar is the way to go.  Especially if it’s been a while for her and all those excessive hormones are building up.  We’re sensualists and selfish enough to demand what we want and seasoning has made us bold enough to go after it.  I think that’s one of the reasons we don’t date men our age.  We really don’t think they can last. 

 

Although I heard a comic say this:

 

Hey, I can go all night too, I’ve worn a condom before! 

 

Ladies you can find a guy who can go all night for you but remember the hassle afterward.  You gotta get up early and drive him to school!

 

No worries for me… I’m up at 5 am!

 

Posted in Naughty Stuff | Comments Off on The Older Woman’s Table

Trickle Down Theory

Posted on July 6, 2009 by Heather

I don’t know if Republicans still talk about Trickle Down Theory, but I remember it used to be their big platform.  It sounded like it made sense so I wondered why doesn’t it actually work?  I do a lot of thinking while I drive and I pondered it and pondered it.  I realized one of two things must be happening.  Either the owners or CEO’s of the big companies are hoarding the money for themselves instead of trickling it down to their employees/the consumer or it’s going elsewhere.

 

Now we do know that all of the bloodsucking evil corporate assholes  some CEO’s make sure their huge salary is paid first and they get all their perks…most likely under the guise of trying to make sure they pay as little taxes as possible.  It’s a win/win to hire a corporate accountant (business expense) to find legal ways to steal  hide money for the personal enjoyment of said CEO and cronies.

 

But for those rare honest companies, where else could the profits go if not to trickle down?  And then the light bulb thought.  Stockholders.  When a company goes public it suddenly becomes beholden to stockholders, who are demanding a return on their investment.  If there’s profit, it goes to the stockholders.  The company cannot go green or altruistic or do well by its employees because it’s being ridden by this giant demanding monkey of stockholders, screaming for profit.

 

And the worst part of that thought is guess who the stockholders are?  US!  How many of us plugging our money into IRA’s and stocks to build a portfolio to save for retirement?  That makes us stockholders!  And what are we investing in?  The companies that are making the big bucks, Pharmaceuticals, Tobacco, OIL!  So who do we have to blame for the high costs of drugs and gas?  

 

OMG… US!   That’s it, I’m putting my retirement into real estate…no, wait.  Shit!

 

Posted in Just Ramblings | Comments Off on Trickle Down Theory