I love Craigslist. I sold a few pieces of furniture on there and found some new better pieces. The good stuff goes quickly, so when I found a particular item in my price range, I needed to pick it up before it sold. Of course I don’t have a vehicle big enough and my Sex God (who did) was unavailable.
Yes, I could have called on a different man, but the few I knew who had trucks or something similar (who I knew were also free) I wasn’t wanting to re-open that contact door. So I called my brother who lent me his Suburban since he couldn’t come help himself. See it was mother’s day and they were going on a family hike for my sister-in-law. (Gak.. really? I shouldn’t judge… but nature and I, we like to observe each other not interact. lol.)
So I borrowed his big, blue, old Suburban. And.. Oh, My.. that vehicle is a beast to drive.
Now, if you’ve been reading the blog since ’09 OR you’ve gone back to the beginning and have worked your way through the over 350 blogs prior to this one (I KNOW!.. WoW! Do I know how to ramble!) then you know that I drive a cute red Corolla. I zip around in the little thing and it stops on a dime! Plus it’s sooo easy on the gas tank. I love my car 🙂
There I am, at my brothers.. trying NOT to grumble that he could have AT LEAST made my life a little easier by backing the huge thing out of the driveway.. but, whatever. I climb up into the giant vehicle and survey this new world.
Now two years ago I drove a Mommy Van, so this vantage isn’t completely new. And in my college years I drove a VW Van from Iowa to L.A. (what do you mean I can’t gun it past 70 down the hill?.. how will I get above 40 going up the next hill if I don’t!) , so I’ve done my share of challenging drives. But this thing is old and huge and my brother is almost 6 feet so there was a lot of adjusting of seat & mirrors & “What the HELL station are you listening to!!” going on.
Finally, I’m ready to go. Turn the key and the beast growls to life. Wow, its loud. I put it in reverse, gently push down on the gas and the engine roars! And goes…. nowhere! I press harder and it slowly begins to back out the driveway.
Now, when I asked my brother if there were any tips I needed to drive the Suburban, he replied. “Drive it like a station wagon. Just remember its long.”
Oh, there are soooo many other tips he could have mentioned.
Like the fact that driving this thing is not like driving a station wagon.. its like driving an ELEPHANT! It takes a hell of a lot to get it moving (I felt a cattle prod may have helped somehow) and when it finally IS moving it’s ever so slowly increases speed. It was a good thing my brother’s house is so close to the corner and I wasn’t going very fast because I quickly learned another thing. It damn near braked EXACTLY like it sped up! Slooooowwwlllllyyyy..
You know those moments. Where you’re hoping the steering wheel is bolted securely as you’re using it as leverage to try and press harder on the brake pedal. Yup… just like that..
So I’m giggling at the absurdity of the whole thing. (Because I don’t get mad or stressed I just get comedic at stuff like this.) Urging my giant elephant onto the freeway.. wishing I had a little turban to wear.. ever mindful that I need to keep a HUGE gap between me and the car in front in case, GOD Forbid!! I have to brake suddenly! And I see a small car wanting to get into my lane. I just laugh. Sorry, Dude, there is NO way I’ll be able to slow down or speed up to accommodate you.
And there is a certain freedom in that knowledge. In my little car, I’m constantly aware of the traffic around me and making adjustments to speed and position based on what I infer. He’s going to jump in front of me, she needs to get over, he’s tailgating me… am I going too slow for the lane? I’m always trying to be polite when I drive and speed up to get out of other’s way.. (any reason to speed!) All these thoughts i n my head… Which joggles my memory that I should watch how fast I’m going. Speed can be deceptive in a new vehicle and I seem to be cruising quite fast in this thing. So I glance down.
55! I’m only going 55! Glory be.. how embarrassing!! I can at least do a respectable 65 o n the freeway. After all that’s the speed limit.. lumbering elephant or not!
Then.
Out of the blue.. I feel a random puff of air from the left vent caress my hand. What the??? I check the air system. It is… um… off. Not on low… off. And then just as suddenly its gone, no little puff of air. So now I think I’ve imagined it until it happens again!
Great. The elephant is actually just a gigantic haunted beast trying to communicate with me through Morse code puffs of air! Can driving this thing get any weirder!!
Thankfully, no. I made it to the Seller’s house, Loaded up my new furniture into the Suburban, drove to my house without incident (ignoring all attempts of the Beast Ghost to contact me), unloaded the boxed furniture and then drove back to my brother’s house.
I have never been so happy that I drive a zippy little tin can! I would have kissed my car after driving that beast, except she needs a bath REAL bad!