Updating

Posted on September 9, 2010 by Heather

I go away for 3 days and when I come back, 119 comments on the blog.  One would think.. WOW, Heather, people are reading you’re blog.

Wrong!

Spammers are spamming my blog!  There was maybe 1 real comment and 3 possible real comments of all the bullshit spam comments that get attached to the blog.  I’ve discussed this before, but I deal with it on a daily basis now.  And some of the comments are soooooo amusing.  Bad spelling and grammar aside.. they have no relevance to the blog post they’re commenting on!  A dead giveaway.  Plus, if your “name” in the comment is a product, DUH who are you fooling?

So.. a quick word to any person who’s actually reading the blog.  I review all comments before they get posted so if you are obviously spam you ain’t getting on the site in ANY form.  I’ll delete all web info before I approve a comment unless I know the person.  And if you are using the site to meet me, I’m flattered.  But I’m not going to call a cell phone.  I might email you if I see your picture on another site, because I’m endlessly curious, but don’t get your hopes up.

Hmmm… can’t think of anything else to “bitch” about on this topic and I’m in the airport rushing a blog post out before the battery dies on my laptop!  Enjoy the weekend people!  I know I plan to!  😉

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The Work Week

Posted on September 7, 2010 by Heather

When my kids go back to school for the fall (although with this heat it hardly qualifies for that word!  I love L.A.)  and also when they get out for Christmas and the summer, I tend to re-evaluate my time table and make schedule changes.  Because our lives are constantly changing.  Something I learned being a parent.

Recently I’ve been noticing a pattern in my week.  On Monday I tend to try and wrap my head around the week before me, so I lean to doing just the necessities and trying to sort through everything.  But the day runs pretty sluggishly.  Tuesday I try to accomplish all the work I set up to do at the weekly business meeting on Sunday.  Wednesday I only work half the day, from home and end up doing some nice quiet data entry.   Thursday I’m playing catch up.  But Friday, I get a surge of energy and accomplish a lot.

Friday is easy to explain.  I’ve run out of time to get my work done, I look forward to building a stack to show the boss on Sunday… and Friday is a date night for me so I’m naturally in a very good mood. 😉

But my life is about to change, big time.  The oldest, who I’ve been homeschooling, will go back to public middle school.  The divorce is progressing.  The soon-to-be ex will be moving out sometime in September.  (He can’t/won’t seem to give me a definite date on that.)  When I have the kids will change.  My finances will change.  My time…  Oh, my available time… will so change.

Today was Tuesday and I was moving slow.  But fate dumped a bunch of irritating, press-my-crazy-button, little events that ended up giving me a surge of angry adrenaline.  Suddenly ALL those people who hadn’t answered my recent emails, got a polite but firm reminder or phone call.  I whipped through my To Be Emailed stack and then attacked the ones sitting in my in-box waiting for me to follow up on.

I got a lot of shit done.

So when I left the office I announced Tuesday would forever be Handle ALL the Email Day.  Monday would be Sort Day, but I’ll have to sort ALL the paperwork and follow up on it.  Wednesday would be Data Entry Day, and I’d really catch up.  Thursday’s going to have to be a Filing and Misc. Day because Friday isn’t going to change much at all.

And when I got home Tuesday, I kept up the work and getting stuff accomplished.  I was so proud.

Of course, I did need a Coke Zero and Vodka to do it!


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Do’s & Don’ts of FWB

Posted on September 3, 2010 by Heather

I saw this little bit in stop motion on a t.v. show.. it was hilarious!  And so true!

A FWB relationship needs to be treated like you’re a temp at a temp job.

DO… make sure the person hiring you knows they’re hiring you to be a temp.

DON’T… assume just because you’re being hired as a temp, you’ll be asked to go permanent.

DON’T… take a temp job at a place you used to work full-time less than 3 months ago.

DO…. keep looking for a better full time gig, but don’t flaunt it.

DO…. dress appropriately.

DON’T… expect special treatment on your birthday.

DON’T… get too comfortable.

DO…  treat every day like it could be your last.

DON’T…  ever leave anything there… no matter how long you think you’ll be.

DO… get the most out of it you can.

DON’T… worry about doing your best.

DON’T…. take it seriously.

DON’T… expect anyone to care if you are sick.

DON’T…  “expect” anything.

And DO have fun.  Cuz if you’re not having fun… why are you TEMPING!

If you’ve been temping at the same office for almost a year you are NOT a temp!  Time to re-evaluate your situation!

I agree with almost all of these.  With the only exception being when you find a good friend in your FWB, they do care when you’re sick lol.  And while I do occasionally keep looking..  it’s just for other FWB’s.  What can I say.. I LIKE temping!

Although if my fave asked me to go perm, I’d seriously consider it.  Lucky for me he’s as poly-amorous as I!

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Goals… and Visualization

Posted on September 1, 2010 by Heather

Okay, I’ve been trying to integrate meditation (funny I accidentally spelled that medication… is my subconscious trying to tell me something?!) and visualization into my daily life. I’ve been reading the blog of Stephen Barnes and I put my goals into three categories.  And into a triangle format, like suggested.

And here’s basically what happened.

Three most important things I’d like to focus on.  Well, that’s fairly easy… Money, Time and… and.. hmmmm… not much beyond Money and Time!  No wait, I think I can come up with one more… lets see, um… g0tta fit my writing in there somehow.  How about…  Expression.

Okay..  my Money side generated its own triangle.  This new triangle consisted of my current work at Geddes, a 2nd job and Cutting Expenses.  Geddes generated its own triangle of New DVD, Upgrade Website to 2010, Market to Parents… ALL three of which generated their own triangles!  Second job triangles out into Legal Secretary, Sell Writing and “unknown?”  (Hey, I’m open to possibilities!  Boy, I wish prostitution were legal.. I could make a ton!)

Mentioning selling my writing on a triangle linked right into Expression which triangled out into Writing, Stand Up Comedy and Professional Dating Coach!  The Writing triangles out into Work on Cat, Start the Multiverse Romance series and/or Write the How To Online Date book.

Which links with a curvy line to my Time side.  Because currently my Time is a triangle of Work, Kids & Me time.  Since there are three kids, those triangle obviously into each kid and luckily they’re pretty self- sufficient… although each kid has his own triangle of “needs to work on” stuff.  (Sheesh its endless!)  But the divorce, with its 50% custody, might actually enable the time necessary to accomplish the other goals.. even while it makes the money goal more insistent!

Anyway… I’d meditate on these triangles which begat triangles and more triangles and after a bit I realized I’d strayed.  So I mentally pulled back and looked at my visualization.. and saw this!

Holy shit, are these goals or a Maze!?!

Funny thing is.. every day I do this something good happens.  Usually I meditate on my job and money and no lie.. almost every day I focus this energy on bringing money in…  we get a big order.

My girlfriends wants me to start playing the lottery!


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Lewis Black Truisms

Posted on August 30, 2010 by Heather

Lewis Black is one of my favorite comedians.  It’s not just his statements.. its the vehement way he delivers certain lines.  Oh.. and his beautiful use of profanity!  Here are a few of the gems I heard him do on an old special from the Comedy channel.

Democrats are a party of NO ideas and Republicans are a party of bad ideas.  The only thing dummer than a Democrat or a Republican is when these PRICKS work together!  The Republican stands up and yells, “I got a really BAD idea!”   And the Democrat stands up and yells, “And I can make it shitier!”

*****

No one told us we had to drink water.  We got thirsty we went into the house and drank water.  But then they started bottling it and selling it to us idiots.  Now all of sudden everybody tells me I gotta drink 8 bottles a day!  Recently they been studying the effect of water on our system.  And we’re probably drinking too much.  I know this comes as a shock to you pansies who’ve bought into the whole 8 bottles crap.  You’ve been scarfing water down, yelling “Look at me! Look at me!  My PEE has no COLOR!”

*****

What IDIOT came up with the Homeland Security color coding system.  There should be three levels:  Jesus Christ!  GodDammit! and Fuck ME!

Of course he’s not as funny in type because you don’t get his excessively sarcastic tone!   So here’s a clip!

Lewis Black

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Loving vs. Being in Love

Posted on August 27, 2010 by Heather

The weekend of going into.. and coming out sane.. from Girlfriend Mode had many eye opening moments for me.  Yet this one just amazed me.

You know I’ve been looking at my feelings for a particular favorite man and agonizing over Girlfriend Mode.  The other day this song I tend to sing to him came on the radio and it felt oddly different.  I was surprised and began to wonder why?  Had my feelings changed?  I looked at those feelings.  The ones I felt when I sung this song to him and compared them to the feelings I’d recently been wrapped up in.  I was shocked at the difference.

That song expresses how I feel when I’m with him.  It’s about how much I enjoy him and his company.  It’s soft feelings of joy, bliss, happiness…  without expectations, chains or Nagging Girlfriend Mode. Those were the feelings that I usually associated with him and this song.

It felt different because my enjoyment of him had been turned from “loving his company” and enjoying that feeling to “being loved BY him” and therefore obsessing about his feelings.  THAT’s why the insecurities pop up and drive me (and him, duh!) insane.  Some where along the line, in Girlfriend Mode, I’ve switched from “I love your company” to “Do you like me as much too?  Do you think of me as much?”

And those questions, insecure feelings… not only are they incredibly different they smoother the real feelings lying quietly underneath.  Because these are two completely different subjects!  And, frankly, one needs to be eradicated!  lol.

It is THIS kind of thinking that will ruin a relationship and drive a partner far, far away!  Because I was so much happier just experiencing how much I enjoyed this person before I became a little obsessed with how much he enjoys me.

I saw all this and went, “wow.”

And poof.. just THAT realization made Girlfriend Mode ease off.  I’m a grown up now, not an insecure young girl.  In reality it’s more important I love me and enjoy his company than it is to have the emotion be “fairly” distributed on both sides. Who the fuck cares!  “Let it go, girl – friend,” I told myself, “Let it go!”  And I was able to.

Chock one up for maturity!

Of course it helped when I remembered he’s been working 11 hour days and his cell phone doesn’t have a keypad for fast, easy texting.. just a number pad.  THAT completely explained the short replies I was getting from my long texts of “how much I lust you today”!

Man’s gotta upgrade!

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A whole new wardrobe

Posted on August 25, 2010 by Heather

So in a rush the other day, I accidentally put my shirt on backwards.  And I was surprised, cuz it looked GOOD!  It was an entirely different shirt when I wore it backwards.  The shirt, worn regularly, was a deep, v-neck neckline.  When I worse it backwards it turned into a Bateau (or boat) neckline with a plunging back.

Now the material of your shirt in this instance is important.  This shirt was a loose, black knit shirt which has always flattered me.  I was just pleased that even worn backwards it still flattered me.  So I immediately tried on several of my shirts backwards to see just how well this might work.  And I’ve almost doubled my wardrobe!  It even worked on half of my dresses!

I’ve also done this with a dress in a store.  I just adored the color, fabric and the way it clung to me.  But the neckline was way too low.  I knew I’d be pulling it up and self conscious every minute I wore it.  So I turned it backward in the dressing room and BAM, it fit perfectly.

Its THIS reason I’m so thrilled that manufacturers are printing their labels directly on the shirt instead of sewing a tag on.   Every woman likes to wear different outfits but not all of us can afford such a large wardrobe.  This helps you mentally enjoy a new shirt without spending the money on it.

And in this economy, and cuz of my divorce, I (like us all) gotta watch my spending!  So when you’re craving a new look with those pants, skirt or shorts… Go 4-Year Old and put your shirt on Backwards!


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Still High School After 30 Years

Posted on August 23, 2010 by Heather

I like Facebook.  I’ve been enjoying the little news feed from my “friends”.  Connecting with high school and college friends I haven’t seen in forever.  I even found my year in my high school’s reunion page.

Not surprisingly few of my friends from high school and college are anywhere near the stage of life I am.  Some are wrapped up in religion or the American Dream or their quiet family lives.  Connections with them are short explorations of “Oh… that’s nice.”  After that the contact is fleeting at best.

Because we have little in common.  There is one happy exception to this.  My friend Melody from college is my age and enjoying her sexuality.   Course she’s in Iowa so her lifestyle isn’t as wildly fun as mine!  But she’s enjoying her single status.  And that’s what we have in common.  I’ve been begging her to come out here and play with me!

Since my blogging fulfills my need to announce to the world what I’m thinking, feeling and doing,  I don’t post very much on my Facebook page.  Little anecdotes or thoughts that occur to me.  But its fun to add a humorous comment to someone else’s post.

Even more fun is Friending my favorite authors or bands.  Getting little blurbs from them is very much worth it.  Better than bookmarking a web page certainly!  I love the news I get from my radio station!  (Of course, realizing how effective this is means I’m going to have to create a Facebook account for my work AND maintain it!   Sheesh!)

I don’t have many Facebook friends.  I’m a little particular about who I accept as a friend and I don’t play the Facebook games so I haven’t racked up many friends through that.  I’m sure every friend I have is happy about THAT so they won’t get the little notices about how many lambs/foals/radishes I earned that day from Farmville!

Today I noticed a guy from high school comment on my high school’s reunion page.  It was one of the few popular people I remember interacting with a little.   I know MOST who know me now will not believe this, but I was very unpopular and shy in high school.  I came into myself in college mostly.

Yet by our age all those social lines from high school should be eliminated.  We’re adults now, grown ups.  There are no more clicks.

Or so I thought!

Like I said, I noticed a guy from high school who I’d had several classes with, spoke to occasionally and had always found attractive.  I checked his profile and was amazed.  He looked very much like he did then, only shorter grayer hair and listed his status as single!  So I sent a friend request.  And he replied, “Do I know you?  Not trying to be mean… blah, blah.”  I replied with what I remembered of him from high school, where I saw his Facebook profile and lightly said, I’d understand if you didn’t want to be friends.   Because I honestly didn’t think he’d be that uptight about it.

And apparently I was wrong, as he’s not replied nor accepted my invite.  I realized I was assuming that most people my age don’t get that wrapped up about who they deign to know as a friend or not.  At least most I’ve met on Facebook don’t.  The friends and acquaintances I’ve found on Facebook seem genuinely interested in saying, “Hi!”   I certainly never expected to get snubbed like I was a nerd approaching a cool kid in the halls of the high school!

I suppose its me being naive.  Or my ego thinking, “Boy if he only knew what he just blew!”  But at my core I just think its sad.   Every one of us is a human reaching out in different ways to connect to another.  And just like in dating, when you get too picky over the little things, you miss fate/God’s opportunity for a connection.  A connection that might have been important or good or at least a learned lesson you needed.

When I left high school I changed.  I learned I liked people, liked meeting people and knowing people.  I rarely shied away from a person because of looks, economic status, race or background.  I… like… people. They’re better than television, video games or online anything.  They just are.

So sometimes it baffles me when others don’t feel the same.  But whatever, dude… your choice.  But really… he doesn’t know what he’s missing!


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It’s a bit like when I tried Sushi

Posted on August 21, 2010 by Heather

Anal Sex.

Yup.. that’s today’s subject.  I’ve been meaning to write this for weeks.  And if the thought of that makes you cringe.. skip this post.  Because I’ve been exploring LOTS of things about my sexuality and, as usual, I’ve learned a lot that I just MUST share!

Decades ago (literally… sheesh I”m old.) I was coerced by a date to try sushi.  Back then it was new and trendy and I’ve never been a trendy kind of girl.  But I have been a person to try new things.  So I went on this date and tried sushi for the first time.  I came away from the dinner saying, “Well, that was interesting but I doubt I’ll ever WANT it.”

Three weeks later I found myself craving sushi… really craving it.  I realize now that its the seaweed and the soy sauce salt content combined with the fish protein and that perfect side dish, rice.   Which is why I don’t crave nor enjoy sushimi much.  The point being that sometimes you can’t judge an experience by that first attempt or taste.  Sometimes your body might surprise you if you give it another chance.

And so it went with me and anal sex.  The very first attempt at this was (again) decades ago.  And I couldn’t get enough pleasure to get past the pain.  So we stopped and I pronounced that anal sex wasn’t for me.  Almost 20 years later my mind and my body are in a different state.  One night I’m enjoying a roll playing experience with a man who introduces me to an anal toy.  At first I was skeptical but willing since he’s everything he’d done so far was very fun.  And it wasn’t bad, even  fun.  But it was more of an added experience not as the main course.

Yet a week later my body wanted to experience it as the main course.  The sensations were unique and I kept remembering them.  Just like the sushi.  So it wasn’t long before I was trying anal sex.  And not long after that when I began to crave it.  Because its an intensely wonderful experience.

Ahh.. but there are a few things I learned about anal sex that might help those who are new or who want to introduce it to their partners.

One.. anal sex is one of the few instances where size matters!  Not to be gross, but look at the size of your average shit.  It’s about the width of your average erection.. so you know your body can take that size.   Yes, you probably can take larger, but don’t START your anal sex experience with a thick cock!  WHAT have I told you about setting the bar too high!

Two… the best lube is your natural lube, especially when he’s wearing a condom.  And unless you’re in a committed relationship, he’s always wearing a condom.  (Although I did try it without once.. omg… THAT rocked!) In any case, sometimes adding lube is going to give you a bit of the runs the day after.

Three… BE IN CHARGE of it.  Anal sex works best if the recipient leads.   Most people do anal sex in some form of doggy style, so I find backing my body onto him is the best way to start the process.  It allows me to go at a speed that keeps that initial pain/pleasure opening process at a level I’m happy with.

Four… most of the pleasure nerves seem to be near the opening and are direction sensitive.  Long strokes in and out may be counterproductive and not necessary for her to reach orgasm.  Shorter strokes may work much better.  Because the out-stroke sometimes induces the need to stop.

Five.. how do you know you’ll enjoy this?  If you’ve ever taken a shit and felt just that hint of pleasure doing it, you’ll probably enjoy anal sex.  And if you’re a guy.. hello… prostate gland!  There are wonderful prostate toys for men to enjoy while fucking their ladies.  And the pleasure is truly unique.  Just like a clitoral orgasm feels different than a vaginal one, so its the same with an anal orgasm.  And yes.. my ass cums.

So to sum up…  Anal Sex is Like Pot…  you may not enjoy it the first few times you try it but don’t think it won’t work for you by the 3rd or 4th try!  And yes, its a Gateway Vice… I’m so ready for my Dominatrix Outfit!



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San Antonio (or ILCA 2010)

Posted on August 18, 2010 by Heather

Last year, when I went to my biggest work convention, I took 3 girls from Lansinoh and we went out and partied hard.  It took several blogs to write about that time in Orlando!  This year the convention was in San Antonio and I think I can cover it in one.  Either we did less or I’m just less verbose!

The convention was at the Marriott Resort, just like last year in Orlando.  And ironically the layout and pool is very similar for the San Antonio location.  How a resort this size manages to feel like a chain is fascinating.  We bobbed about in the water, drinking and ordering food at poolside.  Most of us women, mostly in our 40’s, (although Mary Alice is a young mom of twins)… although with us was the CEO of their company.  A brit who looks like an guest from the set of Fawlty Towers!  Or rather, a typical Brit!  But he’s a young Brit, in his 40’s, I think, like us.  He insisted I Google his favorite British Stunt guy.. and I did.. OMG, you gotta see this!

Stevie Starr on Leno

Anyway… so we’re in the pool and Gina moves a little away from us and these two young men strike up a conversation with her.  None of us are interfering or anything.. Gina can easily hold her own if these two boys are bothering her!  But suddenly from across the pool her CEO yells out,

“Gina, how’s that syphilis coming along?”

OMG.. I died laughing!  She shouts back a quick reply and we’re all in various stages of hilarity!  The boys don’t join us but its clear they want to.  Especially when Mary Alice starts quizzing me on my lovely online dating Cougar experiences.   I briefly thought about boldly demonstrating a Cougar/Cub capture, which I could have easily accomplished.  But decided discretion might be better with this crowd.  Especially since the boss (my mother) has a more professional reputation with them.  Besides we were going out for dinner and drinking and I wanted to join in, not play sexually.

We left the pool, changed and piled into two taxis.  I, of course, ended up mostly with new friends who hadn’t heard many of my stories.  LOTS of shock and laughter later as I shared we arrive at the Riverwalk of San Antonio.   Which is pretty packed with people and restaurants.. ALL of which are Mexican Cuisine.. so we finally, after walking up and then back.. picked one at random and sat down.  There were about 9 of us!  And so began the Tequila shots!

I was a guest so I was unusually quiet.  Enjoying watching for a change.  It was on their dime so I just ordered one shot of Patrone in honor of B and desert.  When everyone was done the girls wanted to go dancing… and saw a Coyote Ugly.  So off we went.

What was amusing was I’d already done Coyote Ugly only a month before.  So I was all, been here, done this!  And they were very disappointed also.  It didn’t really have a good section of Dancing on the Bar, so I couldn’t coerce or drag with me any of the ladies.  They would have had fun if we could have done that.  Instead we just left.

Comedy home on the taxi again and we all stagger back to our hotel rooms at 2am San Antonio time.   As usual I’m up, perky and awake, by 6:30am to be at the booth by 7am!  And the Lansinoh girls stagger down in shifts.  Everyone was leaving that day so it was mostly quick final sales and lots of goodbyes.

And what did I learn on this trip?  I learned I prefer to go to conferences ALONE.. where I can be wild and dirty in my hotel room if I want to!


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