A little extra “effort”

Posted on October 8, 2010 by Heather

So I was chatting with a young cub the other night.  A man who wanted to enjoy another evening with me.  I was explaining my reluctance and he was explaining his reasoning.  We eventually agreed to disagree on the subject and drop it, but he brought up an interesting point for me to ponder.

He was adamant (and a little accusatory) that I wasn’t interested in putting in the “effort” to arouse him.  That if a woman BJ’s him for 30 minutes he’ll get hard, faster if she does it just the right way.  He was certain I wasn’t willing to put in the effort to find out his right way.

And he was correct!  I wasn’t willing to do it.  Most every man I’d enjoyed carnally before and after I was married didn’t need a lot of effort to get erect.  Some of them arrived that way, just in anticipation of us getting together.  But very few needed much encouragement once we got naked.

The few that did, well… they were men my age or  older and that sometimes happens with men that age.  Its usually physical, although sometimes mental, but in any case it’s something most men feel is their responsibility to solve.  Not me.

So I was frankly baffled that he didn’t understand my reluctance to spend 30 minutes trying to find the “sweet spot” or “perfect rhythm” that would get him hard and ready.  I enjoy oral sex, we all know I do just  from previous posts!  But I do it half for his enjoyment and half for mine.  If the object of my oral affection is non-responsive, sometimes the enjoyment is leached away and it becomes work.

And why would I choose to be with a man who I have to literally work to get hard?  When I can choose to be with a man who’s hard at the very sight of me?  This cub just couldn’t understand THAT part of the argument!  That I shouldn’t HAVE to put extra effort just to get a man erect.

There are two types of women willing to “work” to get  you hard and off.  A professional because its  her job & she wants to get paid and a woman who loves you and will do whatever to please you.  I told him I’m not a girlfriend, willing to go that extra 30 minutes out of love.  And mentally I asked myself just what I’d charge him if I were a professional!

Yet I pondered the girlfriend statement the next day.  If I was in love with a boyfriend who took effort to get erect, (thankfully none of my FWB’s have this issue!)  would I put that effort in?  Work hard to get him aroused and take whatever minutes of satisfaction he can dole out to me?

Naw… I’d just get him a prescription!


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Age Appropriate

Posted on October 6, 2010 by Heather

One piece of advice my mother gave me that has truly served me well, was…

They’re old enough when they can do it themselves.

She meant this to caution me from putting a child up on a jungle gym before they were ready for the height.  If that child can climb up on it themselves, they were ready for it.

I used this to teach myself restraint in “over-helping” my boys when they were babies.  Instead of lifting them onto anything, I used words to encourage them to do it themselves.  Often with my hands nearby to catch them if it was the first time or a watchful eye if they were trying again after failing.

Yet this wonderful advice applies to many, many things as your child ages.

Are they ready for junk food?  Well, can they open the package themselves?  Some of those containers are a bitch!  If they can master that or scissors.. I say you’re ready!

The same applies for a soda.  If you can open the can without help or a spill or (God forbid!) an explosion, then you’re old enough to drink it.  Of course, I’m going to regulate how much you drink by never buying it!

My oldest (gotta love the OCD personality!) regulates himself and his brothers when it comes to age appropriate t.v., video games and internet viewing.  He’s constantly asking what a program is “rated” M for Mature, T for Teen or what.  Since he’s recently a Teen, he’s doing this to make sure his “younger” brothers are NOT watching or playing something beyond their level.

It’s kind of nice he’s looking out for them… OR is he trying to get them into trouble!

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Prayer

Posted on October 4, 2010 by Heather

Some people pray, some people meditate, some people beg or curse.. but we all talk to God/Fate in one way, or at one time or another.  What’s amusing to me is when I “pray” I do it the way I was taught in church, as a supplicant begging for assistance from a higher power in charge.

They call this “coming before God humble” and I’ve always hated it.  Is it my pride (the religious would say yes) or is it that I’ve never viewed God/Fate like a ruler but more like a father.  JUST like they taught me to in the early days of going to church.  You know.. the “Jesus loves you, this I know” song days.  Where God is a father.. and well, my father loved me!  So of course, so did God and Jesus.  So why WOULDN’T they give me what I asked for.  Why would I have to be humble and beg when I prayed.

As I matured, when I talked to God it was more like talking to a buddy over a Birthday Present wish list.  “Please God, I really, really want that raise, or this guy, or to make this green light!”

Now a days, its like talking to a partner and I do it through meditation.  Because I firmly believe in seeing and grabbing the opportunities that God/Fate bring my way.  Because NOT to, is just plain idiotic.  This is God’s opportunity or lesson and who am I to turn away from that!

So in the mornings I meditate on my triangle of desires with plans and needs and  ideas.  I was explaining this to someone when I smiled as I realized an amazing fact.

God is like my Ex or my Kids.

Happy to do whatever I want… as long as I explain it in great detail (preferably writing it down in a list), walk them through exactly HOW to do it (make that list very, very specific, preferably with me doing half the work as an “example”) and supervise them through it with careful observations.

In other words.. (smirks fate) …just do it yourself, it’s a whole hell of a lot faster!  See, ya already got all the tools ya need.

uh, thanks?


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Gotta set Limits

Posted on October 1, 2010 by Heather

Those who know me and read the title of this blog are saying, “WHAT!  YOU!  Setting Limits!”

Ha!  Just when everyone thought I had absolutely NO boundaries, I’m drawing one.

I refuse to Twitter.

I’ve actually managed to hit my limit on my need for attention.  (Yes, my friends, you can pick up your jaw or stop laughing in derision.) But its solely based on a time issue and perhaps a little personal fulfillment on the adoration need I tend to crave.

Cuz, let’s look at what I’m managed to sucker myself into updating daily.  Well, this blog, of course.  When I first started it, I posted every day, because I had sooooo much to say and no one to say it to!  Now its down to Monday, Wednesday & Friday, THANK GOD!

Then I began to date (almost a year ago!  Wow!) and chatting on Messenger had a “what are you doing section” that I would change every day, not so much now, since when I get on Messenger I end up chatting with sometimes up to 4 people at the same time!  (Lucky for me I type 120 wpm!)

Dating alone fulfilled a lot of my needs for attention, because I was just so damn successful at it!  hahahaha.  (But really, its because I’m an honest, caring, unique, insightful sex-goddess and lets face it.. we are rare!)

Then I was strong-armed onto Facebook and had to come up with short versions of my extensive wit, which is very, very hard to do!  I’m naturally long winded!  PLUS I love leaving fun little comments on other people’s posts.  Or better yet, annoying or amusing comments on their game notifications!  That one’s really, really fun!

Then updating the work Facebook page became my job.  Oh fun.

So every day I check my blog, 2 personal emails, 5 emails for work and 2 FB pages.  I refuse, absolutely draw the line, at Tweeting.  I will NOT get sucked into one more Work Avoidance Social Media device.

It cuts way too much into my t.v. time.


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Desert and Meat

Posted on September 28, 2010 by Heather

When it comes to dating we all know men and women think differently about it.  I was comparing the differences with a friend online chatting and came up with this analogy.

Guys like desert.. the sweet indulgence of the instant gratification and like any kid if they can get it early they’re thrilled.  Girls prefer something more substantial, a serious protein that’s going to last for days, you know.. they like meat.

Umm.. wait… is there a better analogy?  Umm… let me seeeee… mmmm… ah… nope!

Girls like Meat.

It fits.. we’ll just have to live with the pun!


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What a week!

Posted on September 23, 2010 by Heather

My first week without the kids and its been anything but normal!  The ex finally picked them up by 6p on Sunday after moving out the 9th of Sept.  (that drama is a whole other blog!)

I left the very next day for San Diego to attend the BF WIC Conference for 3 days.  Driving back late Wed I enjoyed a lovely evening with B and scooted on home this morning (thurs).  Hurrying through a shower I’m dragged out of it by a pounding on my front door and my phone ringing.  My ex had lost the daily medication for our oldest son and had sent him up to the house to refill from the bottle I had.  (Yeah.. that being- in- charge- thing  is working well for him.)

Finally I get to work and the boss has a lovely houseguest.  I’m trying very hard NOT to over-entertain her with, well… me!  lol.  I love a new audience who’s never heard any of my material and who seems to enjoy laughing at it!  But I must finally get to work.

The conference was very successful and I have a lot to do, being away 3 days.  And a limited time to do them.  Because I must scamper home early, sort a few things out and hit the road back to Orange County.  Because me and Eithne and Michael & his friends and Brant are off to see MUSE!!!   The concert is going to be just fabulous because the band is fabulous and the company is fabulous.

And then on Sunday we’ll be at the Hollywood Bowl seeing Vampire Weekend!  Which is going to be just as wonderful because we adore their music and the venue will be smaller which will be better!  Of course it’ll be outdoors but hopefully the weather will cooperate.

Sigh, with all this perfectness going on my body got a little overexcited and decided to bring me down to earth a little.  So it brought my period 3 days early!  Thank you, body… YOU SUCK!


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Conversations with Grandma

Posted on September 20, 2010 by Heather

I don’t know if its just kids, my kids or my sense of humor, but the conversations people have with my kids are sometimes just too, too funny!


Luke:      (13 yrs old)    Grandma, why is there a sponge in your microwave?

Grandma: (67 yrs old)   Well, it kills the bacteria.  See when you use a sponge it picks up germs and bacteria and because the sponge is wet the bacteria grows and grows.  Zapping it in the microwave kills all the germs and bacteria.

Luke:   Why don’t you just use disinfectant?

Grandma:  Well, that would also work.  But if there isn’t a need, why should we use harsh environmental chemicals?

ME:   Yeah, when we can use ELECTRICITY!

(for those of you who may not realize it.. MOST electricity is generated by burning fossil fuels, which can be just as bad for the environment as chemicals leaching into our water)

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The G-Shot

Posted on September 17, 2010 by Heather

Watched one of my favorite shows called Wired For Sex on an obscure little indy channel on my cable station called Current.  They’ve had episodes like, monogamy, poly-amorous.. etc.

This episode was on plastic and enhancement.  Oh but it went WAY beyond breast implants!

Apparently there are Penile Implants.. using the extra skin from cadavers to make the penis.. wait for it…. thicker!

Oh!! Oh!!  And Laser surgery to strengthen the vaginal muscles after passing a 12 pound baby through!  To tighten that whole area up.  THAT sounds fabulous!  Course I don’t need it cuz all mine were c-section.. so nothing’s stretched that area except a few extra thick gentlemen!

But my favorite bit of enhancement was what they called the G-Shot.  It was a shot of collagen into the g-spot to make it bigger!  Its supposed to heighten a woman’s pleasure.

Yet we all know it is to make the target easier to hit!!!

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Couples Therapy

Posted on September 15, 2010 by Heather

One of the fun parts about meeting men is some just stay your friends, even if the sex doesn’t work out or if they meet a girl and go monogamous.  I  have one such friend, (Jimmy!)  and we talk a lot about his relationships!  And mine.  We’re buds.

Anyway in one such conversation the subject of moving in came up and I realized one thing that ANY couple should do from the very start is pay the bills together.

Every month, sit down and go over all the bills as you pay them.  Budgeting as you go.  Each of you pony into a household account what you need and then take the opportunity to discuss any issues this brings up.

Because there will be issues.  Evan as time goes on and you move out of the honeymoon phase.  This is where you find out how the other person spends, saves and whether or not they balance their checkbook.

I swear my ex NEVER balanced his checkbook when I met him.   He’d round down on a deposit and round up on a check and never knew exactly what was in his bank account.   I immediately changed THAT!  But he also took out next months automatic mortgage payment from the register, just in case.  Which was a wonderfully smart way to handle it.

If you pay the bills together, once a month, you’ll see who’s charging what, who’s putting in more of their salary than the other and get a real feel for the monthly expenses you have as a couple.  You’ll also be able to make budgeting decisions together, like what will you do with any extra.

All these are important issues every couple should tackle in the beginning of the relationship.  But I think its also very crucial to continually do this throughout a relationship.  Finances change, expenses change, circumstances change… because people change.

Going over the finances every month to pay bills gives you the opportunity to talk through issues… ALL issues.  Often people will spend or save as a reaction to other issues, like insecurity or unresolved conflict or resentment.  Money and how its spent will bring up every other issue a couple may have.  Therefor its important to keep regular discussions to hash out opinions and differences.

This is a fantastic way to maintain the lines of communication in a relationship.  It’s like an hour a month of free couples therapy.

You got to admit, that’s Brilliant!


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It takes a village

Posted on September 13, 2010 by Heather

The other day my kids were in the car with me.  The youngest two were in the back seat playing a DS game.  Conor, the 8 yr old, was doing the playing.  Evan, the 11 year old, was watching/coaching.

Evan:   You can fight or you can run.  Hey, why did  you run away?

Conor:  (harassed tone) I don’t have TIME to FIGHT!

I grinned wondering if he’d been born a bit like me.  The multi-tasker who  loves to complete… taking on more and more until it seems we’re always juggling.  This trait of mine has been a blessing and a burden and is a symptom of our society.  In my opinion, though, we do it because we CAN.  Working and keeping up with the news and friends,  juggling input and output.

Because we are social beings and having the input of others is important.  Especially over jobs, relationships and kids.  Its why the saying, “It takes a village…” resonated with so many women.  Because sometimes we can’t do it ALL for our kids.  And sometimes another person can connect with them on a level we cannot.

Yet we need to remember that almost EVERY village has an idiot!  People who insist they know more about things than you do.  (My neighbor is a woman like that.. and most of us just ignore her.)   And people who’ve never had kids, or never had lazy kids, or never had overweight kids, or special ed kids… these people who judge with their opinions without ever walking in your shoes.

Yes it takes a village… a strong blacksmith to keep things working, several cooks to add variety to the food source, lots of hunters and growers to keep the food supply coming.  Someone smart to lead, even more to follow.  And it takes the curious to discover  new ways to try things.  It takes the risk-taker to jump in and do it.  It takes the believer to support it.  It takes the entertainer to keep everyone happy when their spirits are low.  And it takes the idiot to show us that EVERY person is a person no matter how different their ideas are.

In the old days we banded together as a village.  Then we whittled it down to banding together as a family.  Today, as families become fluid and opinions change within them, we band together with our friends.  The hardest part being finding friends who fit you.

Watch the movie, All About Steve, with Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper.  It’s not hysterical, its cute.  But what’s wonderful about it is the message.

Find Your Tribe.

I’ve been discovering mine and loving it.  Its amazing to find the meaning of “Joy” at 47.


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