Heather Barton

I have two favorite FWB men I adore playing with.   They hit all four of my criteria perfectly in ways that I treasure.  Today I realized just how lucky I am to have found not only one but two men who just “do it” for me on so many levels.

They are so attractive to me, my brain goes straight into thoughts of sex as soon as I see them.  And that sex is WONDERFUL.  Not getting boring nor redundant in any way, even though we’re at a point we  just to go straight to what we both enjoy.

And they are fabulous company with lots of things in common between us to make time outside of the bedroom fun and enjoyable.  We may do slightly different things when I’m with one vs. the other but I think that may change.

Because I invited both of them to come with me to Vegas, thinking one of them might manage to get free.  (Cuz the trip is mid-week.) And both of them accepted the invitation.  You might think, “Uh oh, what will she do now!  And to some this might pose a dilemma but it turns out these special lovers are happy and eager to play all three of us together.

Like I said, lucky me!

What’s amusing, to me at least, is what I discovered about these two men as I was telling each about the other.   They have an unusual amount in common!

They both surf.  They both play acoustic guitar (well enough it sounds like music.. lol) They both own motorcycles (although one drives a Harley and the other a Sports bike).  Both divorced with two kids, a boy & girl, almost the exact same ages.  One is Hispanic who looks Italian and the other is an American Mutt (like me) who looks Hispanic!  And get this… they both work in the plastic industry.

So… I began to wonder… “Gee do I have a type?!”

Well, it finally happened.

I finally got naked with a very sexy man and I wasn’t hot  enough.  Not hot enough to do what we’d both planned on doing that night.

To me it was comical.  Because lets face it, I’m 47.  I’ve had 3 children with 3 c-section births.  I work out at the gym but I’m not naturally athletic and I’ve only been doing the workouts for 3 years.  I look very hot in the right clothes, but you probably won’t ever catch me in a bikini!

So it was only a matter of time in my dating adventures that I’d spend the night with a man who could engage me  in hours of  conversation, naked, and not get an erection.  And no, he’s very much NOT gay!

My intuition was sensing this from him, ” that he liked me as a person, found me interesting and cute, but also found  me not really that sexually exciting.”  And he needed that, to get his participating member hard.  And due to his lack of response I found my desire to seduce him almost non-existent.  I don’t mind seducing a man who is contemplating sleeping with me, teasing a man who wants to sleep with me.  But seducing a man who’s reluctant to sleep with me.. well, no woman wants to expend the energy.

So I drove all the way out to him, too late for dinner or outside activities.  I gave him one of my enthusiastic, wonderful blow jobs and did NOT get an orgasm in return.  I even slept over in hopes of morning wood.  But alas, he’s such an anti-morning person there was no chance of that happening!

What I DID get was the surprising encounter of the reality unexpectedly dashing the expected myth about erections out of the water.  Most women assume men are always hard and horny and only their self control keeps them above rutting animals.  No, ladies, we are wrong.  So many factors that have nothing to do with us can affect that lovely hard-on.  Stress, lack of sleep, performance anxiety, distraction, health and age can all affect it.

This man was young (30’s), confidently successful, good looking with a nice physique.  And my impression was the women he dated were in the naturally hot category.  Most likely because of a combination of his looks, his success and his charisma.  I am NOT automatically in that category.  Who I am in personality and uniqueness is what often tips me a little into that category for most men, but not all.  And apparently this man was in the latter group.

My point to you, ladies, is that MOST men will see beyond your imperfections when you do.  If you see yourself as a Sex Goddess, they will also.  Or most will… or better yet, the ones who find your confidence and sexuality exciting will.

What’s amusing is the thought Mr. Charisma might be “worried” I’d call him!  I’m far too selfish to waste my time on a non-orgasmic evening.  Not for all the wealthy men in the world.

Have I mentioned my new favorite show?  Leverage on TNT.  It’s like a modern day To Catch a Thief with a new scam every week.

But more importantly, I adore the characters.  Its brilliantly cast and quirky enough to be really interesting.   I care less about HOW they are doing the scam and more about the way these thieves deal with being good guys.  And how these loner-types deal with each other.

And I will admit it.  I’ve got a lust-crush on Elliot.

He’s their muscle and I just stop and drool every time he’s on the screen.  Especially if he’s fighting someone.  I know its just beautifully choreographed exercise but watching that long-hair fly about while that hot body beats off armed guys  with just his fists.  Oh my, it does it for me.

And I know why.  Its the power he carries of being ABLE to do that which is the turn on.   At least for me.  It doesn’t hurt that he’s cute, built the way I like ’em and looks really hot in glasses!  I’ve realized about myself that strength is my aphrodisiac. Its’ why biceps are my favorite body part… they are the physical manifestation of strength to my hind-brain.   I enjoy a little padding with nice biceps for my eye and the ability to lift me easily.. for that “oh my” effect!

Strong, decisive personalities attract me the same way.  You can have the hottest body but if you are passive around me and don’t show strength in your personality, I’ll lose interest quick.  But a man who’s confident in who he is and what he wants and isn’t wanting a woman to take charge.. that’s the man my fore-brain finds attractive.

The ideal man for me appeals to both to my hind and fore brain AND heavy lust for me in return.  Add complimentary personalities outside the bedroom and you have a keeper!

Which is actually the formula most women are looking for.   Because strength and power will always attract females.. no matter how evolved we say we are.  Strength appeals to the hind-brain (lizard brain, primitive in us) and power appeals to the fore-brain (oh yea… we’re evolved! lol).

The real difference between women is how we see power.  Some see it as the ability to bring in lots of money.  Some see it as the ability to enjoy culture.  Some see it as who you know.  But most of us see it as a mixture of a lot of different things.

Yet the guarantee essence of male power is his confidence.  The kind of confidence that comes from a man who knows his own value and is proud of it.  We call it, “you like yourself” in shrink circles.  Sometimes it comes with age, sometimes it comes with achievement but women are attracted to that kind of man because when he sees what he wants he’s in touch with himself to know it.

It gives her the comfort that if he chooses to want her, he’s not just passing time.  Which makes him something of a draw for women.. in a “pick me!” sort of way.  Which is why, in today’s standards of equality, women are still attracted to power.  We’re just as busy and powerful as he is, so we’re looking for a man who won’t waste our time.

And can open the pickle jar.