Superhero-Villain-Costume-Swinger Party

Yup.   That’s what I said.   I went to a Superhero/Villain Costume Swinger Party.  😀

See the host of the last two parties I went to, let’s call him C, sent me a tantalizing text about attending such an affair and I knew, right off, that this was going to be blog worthy!  So, of course, I said “Why yes, I do believe I’d love to go!”

Actually, I said, “But I don’t have a costume!!!”   C just laughed and said, “I’m just bringing (not wearing mind you) a The Thing mask from Fantastic 4.”  Which made me realize I could probably cobble something together from the kids boxes of Halloween costumes they no longer wear.  I dragged out my thigh high boots.. soooo comfortable even if my thighs need to be a little smaller to REALLY fit them better! heehee.   Then I put on a little skirt, my corset, a black cape and cut out the batman symbol from one of the kids costumes.  And viola… I became Batmom.    [I’m not posting a pix because the ones we took I looked terrible in! lol]

Besides you want to know the good stuff don’t ya?   Oh, yes you do!

C and I arrive fashionably late, which was still early for this crowd.  The venue turned out to be an old bdsm club called The Lair.  So the decor is pure fetish and a disclaimer is signed and rules gone over.  Robyn is our hostess and she’s appropriately dressed as Robin.  She, of course, loves my Batmom costume which fits right in with the the guy in the Punisher costume [he wore a Punisher t-shit] & the Harley Quinn costume [A perfectly adorable crinoline skirt, heels & white hose with pigtails].  The costumes ranged from sexy to good to PERFECT and we all gathered in an outdoor patio alcove to drink, smoke, snack and chat.  Kind of like a sexy get to know ya.  One woman went around trying to get the party started by kneeling before every male and using her hands to get him hard.  She was good!  Even through jeans she got C going!  Although it could have been her lovely ample breasted cleavage.

More people joined and we finally pried the smokers away from their precious addiction to move into the play room.  Robyn announced that Harley was a… how did she put it… oh yes, “A cock-sucking, cum-swallowing whore” and put her in a cage with a full mask and told all the men to make her work.  The cage was surrounded!   An androgynous woman (maybe it was the costume that made her/him seem so) tied up a lovely lady on a padded X (and THAT took quite a while) after which someone else lightly whipped her.  Robyn alternated between trying to get people to participate and paddling the ass of a a lovely Indian girl.

While encouragement was the name of the night, and most anything was encouraged, Robyn also made it a point to tell everyone that no one is allowed to touch you unless they ask and you don’t touch anyone until you ask.   With C and I being new, we were not really asked! lol.  I watched as the room seemed to divide itself into swingers and fetish.  Two couples found themselves in a corner while all the tying and paddling and caged cock sucking was going on.  They played, got their socks off and before I realized it, they were gone.  Or left the room or whatever, because I didn’t see them the rest of the evening.

I realized I didn’t want to play with the couples but knew that if C and I were not going to be approached we should at least fuck!  So I stripped my panties off and knelt between him as he sat in the chair.  I sucked him until I got him hard enough, then I Reverse Cowgirled him until he came.  The chair was absolutely perfectly made for this….  completely square vinyl chair with long armrests.  I wiggled and bounced and ground like a lapdance to both our pleasure.

Of course by this time, Harley was getting her reward of all the cock sucking with a double team of two black men, one for her mouth and one for her pussy.  Warmed up by C I knew I could either sit there and watch or I could choose to participate.  You know, be bold or stay in that comfort zone.  But there were two men I felt I could play with and one of them was just standing next to Harley, watching her getting done.  So I got up, ambled over to The Punisher and asked him if I could suck his cock while he watched Harley play.

He did not refuse.  🙂

Which is kind of a duh!  I knew I had to try to keep up with Harley’s skill and I think I managed it.  I started very, very slow with long licks of my tongue from base to tip.  Goal number one… get him hard.  Goal number two…  see if I could distract him from Harley! lol.   I managed #1 quick enough and was pleased I managed #2 for a moment or three.   When Harley finished with her 2  men she moved to another part of the room.  The Punisher asked if we could move also, we did, at which point I told him he could fuck me if he was so inclined.  I left it up to him and went back to orally enjoying his cock… on my knees… and he was very, very torn as to what to do!  But he eventually capitulated and chose to fuck me.

They only run a thousand dollars lol

They only run a thousand dollars lol

We went to the same pommel horse type piece of furniture where Harley entertained her 2 men as I was intrigued with it.  And when I got up on it, I just love it!  My thighs were much shorter than hers so I ended up laying on it more than she did, as it had these knee rests. It was the best of doggie and laying down on your tummy, all while being the perfect height for a man to fuck you from behind.  (I would love one of these!)  And while I was too far back to effectively have a cock in my mouth, I wasn’t too back to be unable to grip the front edge of the knee rests.  Perfect width for my hands!  So I was able to participate in the rhythm of the man behind me.

He was delicious in his rhythm and lasted well enough beyond my needs to satiate me.  When he came and I was off the horse, I thanked him and went back to my date.  He grinned at me and I told him I was ready to leave whenever he was so we found Robyn our hostess, hit the bathroom, took a more thorough tour of the grounds of The Lair and left.

Perhaps its age, but I just don’t have the intense desire, these days, to spend hours and hours exploring sex.  My body usually just wants to sleep after lots of good orgasms!

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Bastille – another 98.7fm concert win

Yes, I did it again.  Hey!  Don’t hate!  I just happen to be one of the FEW who enter the online contests instead of trying to win over the phone.  Of course, this win was last November (2014) and that’s how far behind I am in WRITING my blog posts!

Sex God and I

Sex God and I

The most interesting part was this win was at a bar instead of at the 987 Penthouse.  (I’ve since learned they have a new penthouse so perhaps back then they were in the process of being evicted.. lol.. they DID blow out the electrical several times!)   It was also smack dab in the daytime and downtown Hollywood.  So parking was challenging, we drank before noon and the small bar was crowded while we waited to get into the band area.   I did get a portable charger out of it 😀

Bastille (at that time) was my favorite band.  I was eating up their music and seeing them live was on my concert list.  Ironically, I was almost blase about the whole thing.   I was smack in the middle of seasonal work at Costco and I’d been scheduled to work a shift that day.  They managed to push my start time back but they said, “Get here when you can, we’ll take care of it.” not…  come in at 2pm.  So I was planning to rush to work after the concert to try and NOT piss them off.  It kind of took the thrill and excitement out of the concert.  Plus I couldn’t drink more than one light drink if I was going to be working!

032The band played their usual 4 songs and they were wonderful!  But we wanted to enjoy their music and performance more than wanted to see them up close so we ended up in a corner.  We had a great SIDE view of the band!    And they were introduced by the new morning crew of 98.7 The Woody Show.  I dislike the new morning show IMMENSELY and  seeing the crew didn’t change my impression of them in any way.

Once the concert was over, they didn’t mention anything about getting pix with the band and I was fretting about Costco so we scampered out and went on our way.  (I forgot to bring my tennies so I did my shift in my boots!  Ouch!)

I still enjoy Bastille’s music (even if they aren’t my fave anymore) and I would definitely choose to see them if they were at a festival.  But not so much in a single concert.   Single Concert choices is a SHORT list…   Mumford & Sons, Panic at the Disco, Saint Motel, Imagine Dragons & Twenty One Pilots are so far the only ones on THAT list.

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Reading Laurel K Hamilton with Ultimate Man

Now, first off let me explain that title.  Ultimate Man is NOT reading Laurel K Hamilton with me.  I’ve been binging on her Anita Blake series before reading the latest installment, Dead Ice.  I made it up to 12… the latest one is, like, book 23 or something.

So some background.  The Anita Blake series (and I HIGHLY recommend it to EVERYONE) is a detective thriller with sex, vampires, wereanimials (of all species) zombies and police.  It’s a kick ass series to read.  BUT you must read them correctly once you get past the 5th or 6th one.  First off… she overdoes it on the character descriptions.  The “this book stands alone” concept is just crazy when you get into the double digits of a series.  NO ONE needs several paragraphs of description in the middle of the action to describe what the fuck Zerbrowsky is wearing and why.  Yes… it won’t match, yes, he’s a slob, etc. etc. etc.  We love him, ONE line of him showing up in train pajamas is all it takes!  (sorry to vent… bit of a pet peeve.)    Also, be aware that almost ALL of the characters (except Micah.. we love Micah) have angsty shit they are “working on” in the series, over and over and over it sometimes seems, in the books.  Although I will say with this last one.. wow… everyone seems to finally have it all together and our gang is ready to totally dump those who don’t.  Hurrah!  Cuz, frankly its getting boring watching the same bs pop up every book.   And in that last group scene, her description of testing new women to join the group with kissing was, HOT HOT HOT!!!

What I adore about her books can be summed up with….  Who thinks up this crazy shit!?!  And wow… this is really, really thoroughly researched (so researched that I COMPLETELY skip her gun descriptions now… way more than I need to know, thanks) and she brings her Biology degree in handy when describing were-animal culture.  Just brilliantly.   And I’ve come to love, love, love the way she portrays a complicated poly situation where there is lots of love, bisexuals, gays, straights, communication and sex… oh the sex!    ALL of the male lovers of Anita are very sexy, good looking, powerful and built.  A true fantasy!

Which brings me to Ultimate Man.  (Well, we ARE speaking of fantasy, right?)  I swear I feel like I’m in her books when he rolls off me after amazing sex and throws an arm above his head.  He lies there, stretched and languid, with this perfect body and chiseled features.  He looks at me with that sexy smile and all the eye candy of his body and I’m instantly in lust again…  just wow.  I could stare at him forever, naked or clothed.   Then there is his cock.. oh his amazing tool…  it’s….  heavy.  Stroking it is so much fun, but feeling the heft of it in my hands is this little added spice.  And wow… does it fit in my mouth!  I don’t know how, but somehow his width seems to fit in a way that does not gag me.  It’s as if his head it too wide to go too far, so it caresses the back of my throat in the most arousing way.  I got so into it and then his hands moved my fingers to his little anus and I almost brought his orgasm past his iron control when I fucked his ass with my finger while he fucked my mouth.

But evil me pulled away and said, “no, no, no cuming yet.”   Because of the way his cock fills my pussy, I knew I had to have that.   So, so exquisite and not something I want to miss a minute of, it is that pleasurable.

Now he does have a bend so some positions we don’t do and he tends to try to pull my short legs farther than they stretch when I’m on my back.  But when I’m on my tummy and he’s fucking me from behind he has these perfect fingers and he fucks my ass with one with such expertise that when he starts the words “No, not there…” just pop out of my mouth.  He immediately stops, pulls out and apologizes but by then the words, “Oh wow, that feels great” have popped into my head!  I can’t tell you how funny it is to try to explain this in the middle of sex.

He gives great orgasm.  And he gives wonderful sighs and words like, “My God I love the smell of your pussy.”  or “Wow, look at that…. beautiful” when he spreads me open.   Don’t even get me started on his tongue!  Absolutely perfect oral sex.  He is Tongue God, Anal King, a bit of Bear & one or two others all rolled into one package…. in the body of an underwear model.  Hence his nickname Ultimate Man.   If he was as skin sensitive as Sex God so I could torment him with my fingers and tongue, the man would be perfect.  Well, technically, perfect would be addicted to me so I could continue to play with him lots and lots and lots! 😀

So I’ll be going about my day and I’ll think about that wonderful kissing scene which perfectly topped the group confrontation with Asher in the Anita Blake book by Hamilton and immediately my brain will pop a picture of Ultimate Man lying naked and stretched out on his bed after sex.   I think, these two “scenes” just put me in a good, good mood.

mmmmm…. Ultimate Man…. mmmmmmm

*  And friends, if I thought he’d allow it, I’d post a picture for all to see his sexiness.

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THE Orpheus Black

I mentioned in a previous post that I attended a seminar on Fireplay by the Master Dom Oprheus Black.

http://www.orpheusblack.com/about/

The post was a monthly wrap up and was ALREADY much too long, so I wasn’t able to go into enough detail that I’m sure everyone is interested in hearing.  heeheehee

The seminar was very fun.  I went with Germanman, as his guest.  I met him there as he had a dinner date after.   The first part was very informative about using a dowel in your bondage rope play for easy freeing… you know… just in case the worst happens in your Fireplay, like something ignited that wasn’t supposed to!  I have to say, I found that first part of the seminar most fascinating for two reasons.  I like the use of the dowel (and after I ran up to see if I could buy a dowel but they’d sold them ALL out. lol)  and for the way he used his physical presence to dominate his sub.   He made sure, as he tied them, that they were well aware he was in charge because he maintained a level of body contact…. so there wasn’t a break in the mental domination as he roped them up.  I stress this because I’ve been the sub in play and its VERY difficult to maintain the mental role if you step aside to do a task.

Back to the seminar!   What, you may ask, is Fireplay?   Well Dr. Chaves from the ASKMEN.com site describe it as

“an extreme form of temperature play that occurs in the BDSM scene (safe, sane and consensual) where controlled flammable substances and fire are used to create unique and pleasurable sensations on the skin.  It’s definitely dangerous to a novice and should never be attempted without proper education, guidance and experience. For those who have the knowledge, it can be a safe and pleasurable experience for both the top and bottom. Think of it as the opposite end of the spectrum from ice play.  When we use ice on the genitals or erogenous zones for erotic purposes, the extreme temperature provides unique sensations that some people find pleasurable. The same goes for fire, it’s just more extreme and more precautions need to be taken.”

So as Orpheus showed us, its using an accelerant with fire on a naked body as erotic foreplay.  Now I’d heard of the cupping technique where heated glass is placed on the skin and as it cools it forms a suction seal, and while Orpheus mentioned that, it really isn’t part of what he was talking about.   And of course, after a little break, he set up a demonstration for us.  😀

He first demonstrated on his beautiful wife Indigo.  Putting her on the giant X in the room he bared her back and after putting on some music and dimming the lights, he began to play the fire across her body.  She gasped and shuddered and seemed to really enjoy the entire process!  It was truly fascinating… and I’d love to go into more detail, but really, I was just an observer and such detail is better described by someone who’s had EXPERIENCE with it!

But I will say watching the process I realize there is a large difference between their level of participation and my level of participation when it comes to role playing.  They set the mood, they completely delve into it… while me, the closest I get is to settle into a very seductive mind set.  Otherwise I never actually leave my thinking process.   Now during sex, I’m completely enthralled by what I’m feeling or by my desires… but when I Dom it’s to get a feedback reaction from my Sub… and if there isn’t a reaction I lose interest rather quickly.   So anyone who wants me to Dom them has to be sensitive to touch and tongue and WANT the torture enough to make noises while I find as many sensitive places as I can.

I will say that it was very interesting to realize where I knew this name Orpheus Black once I got there.  This was the same man who everyone was waiting for when The Gentlemen took me to a huge Polyamorous Gathering.  (Here is THAT blog post lol)  http://www.heatherbarton.com/?p=4068

And as I realized that, I also realized that many of the same people at that party discussion where at this event.  The gentleman looking to be a third at the party was working the Toys store next to the event.  One of the demonstratee’s was his “Sub”.  Another of the demonstratee’s was Indigo’s lover.  It was amusingly familiar to see the grouping had solidified in the 2 years since I last saw them.  And I just a spectator to their spectacle.

DowelA month later I received a package in the mail.  Germanman had gone and bought me a dowel!  Now all I need is proper ropes!

 

 

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I’ve turned 52….

Yes, I’ve turned 52 and its time to admit that certain things have changed.  That I’ve changed.  That my desires have changed.   That my body has changed.   And maybe its time to move to a new chapter.

It truly began when I turned 50, two years ago.  EVERYTHING slowed…  my metabolism, my libido, my motivation, my excitement for life.  It wasn’t really a flipped-switch type of change but a fluctuating battle between past, present, & future.   And it wasn’t a new feeling.  I’ve had this before.   I had it when I realized I didn’t want to be married anymore.  I had it when I was 20-ish and realized I was sick of the bar scene.  I had it when I was close to 30 and realized I wanted to be married.   I think everyone goes through these growth stages of “I want a change…. life has become stagnant/boring/done.”

But its often difficult to enact the change.   You liked your life.  You remember how much you loved it.  You think if you could just recapture that love/energy/excitement you wouldn’t have to actually CHANGE anything.    That is the battle.  The struggle between the glory days and the present and what you want in your future, that so many label “mid-life crisis” and so many assume only happens once.

Perhaps its just me.  Perhaps its being an Aries, a sign often described as flitting from flower to flower.  But this would be, maybe, my fourth mid-life crisis.   Although I prefer to call it Proactive Self-Awareness.    Because in reality the whole process is realizing you’ve completed a life stage and to continue to grow, one must move on.  It’s the HOW you do the moving that counts.

But being aware of the transition, the need to transition, is half the battle.  And I’ve been in denial about it for 2 years now.   Maybe its not really denial as much as I was fighting the dissatisfaction with my life.  I kinda loved my life and didn’t want it to change.  But 2 years later, its time to admit that life has other plans.  And I’m self aware enough to know that it’s not the end of the world to admit I’m different than I was 5 years ago.

Yet while I was emotionally trying to deny that I wasn’t as “thrilled.excited” with my life as I used to be, that I’d become complacent, my BODY was fully aware and rolling with it.  And when I mean “roll” I mean, tummy rolls!

The first problem after I turned 50 was losing my healthcare coverage.  I just couldn’t afford the $400 a month to stay on Kaiser.  So while saving the money I ran out of my thyroid medication to control my hypothyroidism, cuz you need a doctors script for refills.   Now when I was 20, the meds were to make my thyroid stop working so the nodule on it would stop growing.  And missing a dose would kick in my thyroid, so I assumed that would happen again.  Nope.   I spent 9 months battling uncontrolled naps and weight gain until I finally realized my thyroid wasn’t kicking in, that after 25 years on medication to make the thyroid stop working I’d developed true hypothyroidism, not just nodule-control.  I missed the diagnosis because I didn’t feel tired or have less energy… I just could NOT keep my eyes open!   I must have gained 10 – 15 pounds during that period before I got on Obamacare & back on the meds.

IMG_0489(1)The weight gain added new lovely aches to ankles and heel spurs, in addition to feeling more like a sausage than a Sex Kitten.  On the plus side my menopause finally got to the good side of missing periods instead of bleeding like a stuck pig every 3 weeks.   Of course, the down side of all that was no period meant no ovulation so no “Mmmm I gotta have sex!” spike mid cycle.  It also heralded a change in my nails, my hair and developing little pockets of arthritis.  Yes, more kinky grey hair (still got lots of it at least) and nails that split more with odd course microgrooves was expected.  But the joint pain in my pinky fingers DOES affect a bit of my typing.   I look ahead at my desire to “write when the kids are gone and I have free time” and know that its at least 10 years off and will I even be able to type by then!

The biggest change that I fought for the longest was the change in my libido.   I didn’t want to admit that part of “The Change” was an easing of my strong sex drive.   I wasn’t quite the “need it! need it NOW” girl I was 7 years ago.   But its a combination of finding that perfect lover (and having access to him/them) and realizing my desire to be lusted by all is less than my desire for Girl Scout Thin Mints.    And I had to be honest with myself.  Perhaps I’m just being selfish in my desire to have An Ultimate Cub at my beck and call.   Sex God satisfies me in the bedroom in a perfection that is only matched by Bear.  And Bear matches it in such an opposite way that the two compliment my needs more than vie for them.   Even with Bear’s schedule only managing to play with me with the same frequency as most lovers (twice a year lol) there are 4 such fwb lovers.  And now Ultimate Man has moved to Los Angeles.

Oh yes.    Didn’t I mention that?  The underwear model/Chicago tryst/took two weeks to emotionally get over/ lover that I never managed to get up to see when he moved from Chicago to San Francisco has moved to Los Angeles.   We finally got to play together again and I’ll blog that as he deserves his own entry.  So much goodness!   It will be interesting to see how often we get to play, so exciting to imagine.

But perhaps its that addition of another possible perfect lover that settled my ego/libido into admitting she should stop looking for new men.   I adore my Sex God: sexy, playful, responsive & does all the bf/gf stuff.  I’m attached to Bear more than just in my desire to be his first call, but I’m starting to feel I’m not & that’s why we never manage to get together, as he canceled our last tryst.   Ultimate Man is the most lovely mixture of perfect hottness, exquisite skill and intriguing vagueness that while he most likely prefers NSA to FWB he’s completely worth THAT effort! lol

I’ve been letting my Ego’s needs distract me from the reality of my life.   I don’t need to keep searching for new as a diversion.  I need to start focusing on enhancing what I have.  The kids need a bit more attention.  I need a new job.  The completion of redecorating my house and yard needs a bit more sustained focused attention.  The writing, oh, that needs a LOT more attention.

There is too much half finished items in my life, which is probably fueling my desires for change.

So let’s get my completion on!

 

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Coachella 2014

053ok… I cannot believe I’m this far behind in blog posts that I’m just now finding the time to write up my Coachella 2014 vacation!   In 2015!!     But if I don’t post this, I can’t post the 2015 Coachella vacation!  Curse you Vortex of Age Timesuck!

Anyway…  quick warp up of 2014.   I was able to get the same condo in Indian Palms as last year, but wasn’t able to get my friends to help pay for it.   Originally Tongue God was going to share the place with us, but he had a friend who let him use his condo in Palm Springs for free.  Luckily for me I found substitute co-renters off Craigslist enough to help defer the costs.   A very nice couple and a single girl for the hideaway couch.  (Hi Shannon!)

Freddie and Mikee didn’t go… and while Cesar DID go, he didn’t room nor hang with us.  We saw him in passing once.  I could tell Sex God missed the crazy, hyper camaraderie of the younger guys but chose to stay with his waaaay too laid back girl friend!  (What a keeper)  Plus a few months prior to Coachella Sex God had been laid off and Cesar was from that old job, so AWKWARD.  But Tongue God DID come for his first Coachella and brought  his new girlfriend!  He asked if we could play it like he knew me from a work friend and I was fine with that.  No sense scaring off a friend’s love interest just because she’s Vanilla.   (btw… a year later they’re still going strong which means either it’s real love or he’s slowing down.. and since he’s mid 50’s….

I wonder if a lover becomes an Ex lover does he lose his nickname?  Thoughts to ponder)

It got windy

It got windy

2014 was truly an Alt Rock year for Coachella.  There must have been 15 bands per day that Sex God and I wanted to see.    Evan at $30 a separate concert that puts Day One covering the costs of the 3 days of festival.  It’s truly the best way to get ALL your concert going done for the year. lol.    On Day One we saw, Ms Mr, Grouplove, Haim, AFI, Ellie Goulding, Broken Bells, OutKast and I think, Bastille.  To be honest, I wasn’t the Bastille fan then that I am NOW and I may have just gone for dinner or ice cream when they were on!  Bad, BAD Fangirl Heather!   Worst part of looking back to previous Coachella years is the realization that the band you missed a year or so ago is not your all time favorite.  It’s like I’ve always said, DON’T LOOK BACK!

030Day Two was my 51st Birthday so I wore my new t-shirt.   I got a lot of  “Is it really your birthday?” and “Happy Birthday!” stranger-love all day and it was pretty fun.  I only got one spank outa it!  lol   029But then again, I spent most of my time sitting or dancing on the blanket Sex God lays down whenever we pick where we’re going to watch the bands play.  The only exception to that is when we’re at the Sahara stage which is the House Music section.  That place is straight dirt, packed and too loud for THESE old ears.  Particularly after blowing my eardrum in a past Coachella! lol

We pretty much bounced from the Main stage to the Outdoor stage and saw, Cage the Elephant (watched him surf the crowd all the way to the camera set up… it was marvelous!) Chvrches, The Head and the Heart, Capital Cities, Queens of the Stone Age and half of Lorde.  When she started babbling her life story halfway in the set, we left.  And I will admit, I was exhausted by midnight when Muse came on.  As much as I knew they would be fabulous,  I’d seen them 3 times already and wasn’t  in the mood to fight the crowd.

By Day Three I was already looking forward to the festival being over!  I know!  So bad!  But there was ONE person I was excited to see and that was Frank Turner.  He STILL is one of my favorite performers even though Sex God says his music bores him.   Before Frank we saw Strfkr (pronounced Starfucker) and that was a truly entertaining show.  The music was ok.. but it was the band that was really interesting.  I mean…  sumo wrestlers trying to crowd surf is something to SEE!

http://youtu.be/RGs8k-AKMgg

We missed the 1975 because of Frank, but I really wanted to introduce Tongue God to this man’s music.  I’m sure I made a convert because he joined Sex God into the circling whirlwind in the crowd at the front of the stage!  I know better than to enter THAT! lol   We also saw the Naked and Famous, Neutral Milk Hotel, Calvin Harris, a bit of Lana Del Rey and all of Beck.   Beck wasn’t bad at all… but the weather had really turned cold and windy with grit, and popcorn had popped off on of my back crowns!   So I was ready to call the festival done by the time Beck ended!   As much as it might have been fun to hang with Tongue God and his girl and drink, we scampered our poor butts home to fuck like bunnies in the condo.

Lusting this all weekend kind of moved me closer to "is this over yet?" lol

Lusting this all weekend kind of moved me closer to “is this over yet?” lol

Once everyone was gone Monday morning, our true vacation began.  But it wasn’t as much fun as it could have been.   First up was finding a dentist to re-cement the crown.  Then with Sex God losing his job he was under a lot of stress and doing his best to stay optimistic (his boss tried to claim they’d fired him for cause be we had text evidence they didn’t, but it delayed his unemployment) so while we enjoyed our time alone, I was still working here and there as needed remotely and Sex God was contemplating perhaps moving to Palm Springs and was doing a bit of job hunting while we were there.

In amongst all that Sex God gets an email that he won the 98.7 Alt Rock contest giving away the Weekend Two Coachella tickets!  So he drives all the way back to Los Angeles and then all the way back to Indio and we spend a day on Craigslist selling them.  It was a godsend for Sex God because it helped him make rent!    Then by Wednesday I’m getting calls from the school that Luke’s behavior is alarming them.  So after I talk to him over the phone we decide to cut our vacation short and come home early.

When the children need us, they need us.  Vacation or no vacation.

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The Humor Gene

I inherited quite the snarky humor gene from my father.  So did my brother and to a smaller extent my sister.  I managed to pass it on completely to my youngest two sons, and to a lesser degree, my oldest.  So, obviously, this is a dominant gene!

Conor (red head, youngest, 13 yrs, middle school) had to make up about 10 journal entries for English class.  He’s soooo bad at doing it in the classroom we now have a Word Template for him at home.  So I give him the list and template and insist he get started.  His mood is COMPLETELY negative and when I read the entries they are dark and mean and absolutely NOT what the teacher is looking for.  We leave it for the next day and this time I get him in a joking mood and go over answering the first journal question with him.  This is usually all it takes to get his creative juices percolating.   And THIS is some of what he turned in.  (Which I didn’t read until after his teacher graded it with lots of “Haha, I love it” all over it.

If you could eat anything what would it be?

Lots and lots of junk food.  Such as cake, cookies, ice cream, brownies, candy, brownies, chocolate candy!, ice cream cake, cake flavored pizza, pizza flavored cake, CANDY, and some stomach medicine.

Where did you go on your last vacation?

I went on a vacation a little while ago.  I did absolutely nothing and I regret nothing.  Deal with it (proceeds to put on sunglasses)  And I should also mention that it was in Palm Springs.

What is your favorite movie?

Lord of the Rings.  Great storytelling, amazing presentation, memorable characters, and a fandom so great to this day it still puts up a fight to all the Whovians of the worlds.

THIS is one of the reasons hanging with my kids is so hilarious.   And probably one of the reasons their teachers rarely give up on them.  When they DO participate they are smart,  insightful and usually pretty funny.

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What you say to kids

A few weeks ago my kids, Evan and Conor came home from their Easter weekend with their father.  And Evan was very upset.   FACT…. He’s not a social being, just like his father was at his age.  Hell, just like I was at his age!  And he doesn’t like to socialize in general, much less with people he feels consider him an antisocial sociopath.   With me and people he feels accepted and comfortable with Evan is a very fun person to be around, in a caustic humor kind of way.  It’s not impossible to get him to open up but sarcasm and a mocking tone isn’t the way to do it.  Socializing is not something that comes instant and easy for him.  His father either does not see this or feels that it is somehow a character flaw that he much change.

Why was Evan upset THIS time?  Because their father and his girlfriend, lets call her Boney, decided to celebrate Easter with an Egg Hunt.  Now.. lets set the stage.  The people in this household consist of my Ex- Brian (52); his girlfriend Boney (age undetermined… looks over 60) who owns the house; Boney’s daughter (over 20) and sometimes that daughter’s boyfriend; Boney’s son (over 18); and two weekends a month my son Evan (15) and my son Conor (13).   There are no little kids in this group, so WHY an egg hunt?  Because YOU want to have a social gathering.  Fine.  Do you factor in, encourage empathetically, or even ask the most reticent of social situations member in this household?  No, you bully or snark comments.

Was my son entirely in the right?  Absolutely not.  Was my Ex entirely in the wrong? No.  Did my Ex make is worse by venting at “the court” for what he has to pay to me monthly, the fact he longer gets to claim a kid on his taxes, and makes statements to his sons like “Beware who you marry” on the drive to drop them off?   Yes, apparently he does this EVERY TIME the kids get in the car with him.     Do I get to try and repair the emotional damage my Ex does?  Yes, every time.   Does this make getting schoolwork cooperation from Evan more difficult?  Yes.  Is my Ex really bad at parenting?  Yes.   Do I want to have a strong verbal battle with him, his girlfriend, and the principal of her school where she works?  Oh yes… very much yes, so much yes it gives me pleasure to think about it.    Do I want to write him a letter  with copies to the judge who saw our last court appearance about how insulting his children and their mother to his children drives them to such sadness?  Oh yes!

On this subject, Evan’s solution is to not have to spend any more time with his father, nor with a group of people who he feels hate him.   People who certainly do not truly understand him nor accept him for who he is.  On the one hand I feel sorry for THEM.  They don’t get Evan’s wonderfully fun humor because they don’t create a safe, loving, accepting place for it to come out.  And it is wonderful, that humor.  So wonderful I’ve told him that HE is the son I want taking care of me when I’m old & stroked out.   (My father and his life after stroke brings this home to me every week when I see him.)

And who will my Ex have to care for him if HE has a stroke?  Assuming he doesn’t get tossed out of the house where he mooches off this girlfriend.  Assuming she outlives him.   He certainly won’t have his older children as he’s pretty well burned his bridges there by his actions, no matter how much I “reinterpret” his probable intentions to them.  “Maybe your father mean to say this,” only flies so far with kids, particularly teens.

Sidebar example….  Luke came home from a dinner with sibs and Dad and said “Dad said Autism was not a genetic defect because it would have been bred away by now.”  After a lengthy discussion of the falsehood of that statement and how genetics have A LOT of disorders you would think would have been “bred out”.  I then turned to Luke and said, “Maybe what your father is trying to say is YOU’RE not defective, just cuz you have Aspergers.”   It’s THIS kind of translating I do ALL the time for my Ex to try to keep the kids from hating him.  Cuz, well, guess who also has Aspergers.   Aaaaanyway….

My Ex is probably relying on Conor who understands him better than his other kids because Conor has my perception and empathy about people.  Evan actually has the most sensitivity and perception but its just driven him away from people.  Conor and I have a certain autonomous distance.   This was how I understood my Ex.  It was why I could marry him, and also why I divorced him.  If Conor volunteers to be there for his father when his father gets debilitated I will be right next to my son.  Reminding him that the State has program to pay for a home.   In Wisconsin.

But the real point of this blog is this.  Divorced parents should talk more between them.   Married parents discuss these miscommunications and help their kids deal with the emotions of teen frustration, etc (I say etc cuz teens have soooo many emotions!).   And my angry sons are teens!!!   When divorced parents don’t talk then the only information one has is what is relayed by the teen.  And we all know how accurate THAT can be.  My sons aren’t lying to me, but their narrative is colored by their emotions and its difficult for me NOT to get angry when my kids are needlessly damaged by comments from “adults”.   They get enough of it from the idiot kids at school.

But if communication were a strong point between my Ex and I….  well we wouldn’t have needed lawyers.

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Slowman

Last month I had the most interesting and unexpected sexual experience.

Now before you kinksters get all excited, its wasn’t what you think.  Frankly, I’ve done enough of my share of kink to find kink more the norm than the unexpected.  Ha!   No, this unusual experience for me was how my body responded to the style of this lover, who’s earned the nickname Slowman.

We’d met months ago but never managed our schedules to have free time to play.  Finally, it clicked and I drove to his apartment.  “Description of him?” you ask, wanting to know more of this man…  well, he was a little on the short side (which I prefer) and had an average body for a man in his 30’s.  He was very cute and wonderful company, with good conversation.  His size was on the smaller size of average, but boy did he use it WELL!  And that was what was so interesting and unexpected.

Now all of my readers know I can orgasm pretty easily, and almost on command! Muahaha!  So size isn’t really an issue for me.  I’ve been know to happily turn down the man who claims he 8″ or more as that is just too much for someone as easy to please as me.   Good sex tends to be more about the connection, the attraction level, his level of lust for me and well, how vocal he is!   And I don’t mean words.. I mean moans and groans and expressions of his pleasure.

Slowman had a very easy going style with enough assurance to let me know what he preferred, hear what I liked and work the transitions from “talkative Heather” to “seductive Heather.”  (Not every man easily moves me from one transition to another and the ones that can tend to get asked back!)  Once we were naked he let me explore him in my new favorite position for oral sex… me on my stomach on the bed and he standing at the edge of it.   This keeps my hair outta the way and my weight centered.  Plus my hands are free!   I find my body gets quite excited giving oral in this position and so I sometimes get a little squirmy in the ass area as my clit starts demanding participation.

Feeling he was sufficiently impressed with my enjoyment of getting him hard we moved to my favorite position for men his length…. doggy.  I told him I prefer a hard and fast pounding and he obliged long enough to get at least 2 orgasms out of me.  Then he admitted that this wasn’t his favorite position and switched me to missionary.   And proceeded to completely surprise me.

His slow style involved this amazing grind that hit spots normally his size in missionary wouldn’t get to and my body loved every minute of it!  There was no rushing in his style which didn’t stop my body from throwing out an orgasm every 5 minutes or so.   I’m sure it was the wiggle action of his thrusts that did it.  Sex God has a similar ending style that drives me insane.  Throughout the grinding there was lots of kissing along my neck and breasts and whatever skin he could contact with his mouth.   By the time he came I was just as spent as if I’d been ridden hard by any of my other lovers.

We chatted for a bit after.  Honestly mostly me voicing my surprise.  All compliments to his ears, I assure you.  I also told him how rare for a lover to earn a nickname so quickly, but a unique style will certainly do that!   Then without me noticing he began reaching over to caress my clit, easily transitioning the mood back to sex.  I was surprised he wanted more, but happy to oblige.  This time I mounted him and tried to give him that slow grind he enjoyed while keeping my mouth and tongue on his sensitive ear.

He was completely enjoying it and so was I until I realized my body was demanding I stop pleasing him and take over.  It was a rather new sensation for me.  I’ve ridden a man before to my own orgasm and its usually a quick process and not so mentally all consuming.  More often than not my knees give out right after!   But one of the things I adore about Sex God is the clear difference between when he’s fucking me for me and fucking me for himself.  When he switches concentration to his own orgasm and gets all consumed it flips a switch for me, probably because he starts that grinding wiggle that is so incredibly enjoyable.

This time, it was ME who stopped fucking my partner for him and just fucked him for myself.  It was amazing to make the conscious decision to stop pleasing him and just ride him, completely selfishly, for my own pleasure.   Somewhere in all that, he came again and I didn’t even notice.  That’s how caught up in myself I was.   After that I realize I’m often the passive receiver during sex and rarely the aggressive taker.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy it both ways! lol  (And I’m often the aggressive taker when it comes to foreplay with Sex God.)

I was texting with Phat Boy the day after and he was grilling me with questions about my tryst with Slowman and after I described the evening he stated, “He made love to you.”   I thought about it for a bit and would concur that his style definitely would fall more into line with a romance novel than a porn novel.

My reply was, “I would call it, ‘girlfriend trained’ more than anything else.”    But it sure was enjoyable!

 

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It’s about the Love in February

February saw the finalization of my child support case with the Ex.  Did it go ALL my way?  No.  Did it go his way?  No.   Was it ridiculous?  Oh yes.

See after being the sole support of our oldest son without financial help from his father for three years, I got fed up and took him to court.  ONLY asking the court to make official the custody that had changed in 4 years PER THE REQUEST OF THE EX.  And then asking for Child Support for said custody.  Instead of complying The Ex argues it… to which we offer him full custody… to which he refuses.  He argues ALL this other BS in court documents about my lifestyle, Sex God, the kids grades, my bad parenting… but not once offers to go back to the original custody arrangement.   And drags the whole process out almost a year… incurring lawyer fees on his end and my end.

And for what?   What reasoning did he have?  If I’m such a terrible parent why doesn’t he take full custody?  (Because I’m not, and his living arrangements [the GF] wouldn’t like that, and kids would hate it)  His reasoning is he doesn’t want to pay me ANY child support and thinks bringing up my lifestyle will somehow eliminate the need to financially support our children when I’m doing the majority of the raising.  Awwww…..  poor, poor man doesn’t want to help support his children.  (ok… to HIS mind, I can manage it on my own without dipping in to his pocket… but the attempt to do that in the last 3 years has proven to me, I cannot.  He refuses to see that even when its obvious to the law.)

In the end.. I didn’t get what I should have received ($1,380 per month).  I let them dicker me down to allowing Conor an extra night at his Dad’s (I will never forget the unhappy look on his face when I told him that… which passed as he got used to it.. but I won’t forget it.) and the lower amount of $1,206 per month.  And then the judge cut in HALF the back child support my Ex should have paid me ($10,000) and made his payments $100 a month.

That all happened early in February…  the love month. haha.  And on that same day their father had the kids for dinner.   And did he handle this with grace?  No.  He vented to the kids, in our local public park with take out for their dinner (no veggies) and outed me and Sex God to all three boys.  Luke was so upset he ran home shaking and gasping that Dad was saying horrible lies to him.  So I calmly (and individually as all 3 came home from the dinner at different times) separated the truth from the lies and admitted much to my kids.

And ya know what?   They were fine with it.  With all of it.  Now I didn’t go into heavy details but I honestly answered any questions they had and told mine and Sex God’s side of the facts.  And I also told them they do NOT need to defend me to their father.  He shouldn’t put them in the middle of ANY disagreement that is technically between my Ex and I.   Of course, he was furious when he had to write me an even bigger child support check than the temporary one he’d been ordered to.. so he wrote a lovely threatening/blackmail letter to go with it.  (Now I have in writing, the person he is.)  My answer to his threats is….  No.  You have no claims.   I will shout to the rooftops myself the secrets you think to expose before I’ll ever give in to blackmail from a man like you.

Luke now refuses to go to dinner with his father.  No doubt, his father has “calmed down” from the frustration of having to pay me 1/3rd of what he makes to support his 3 children of which he has 20% combined custody, but since Luke is turning 18 in 7 months and the child support will probably go down by then perhaps that is what, no doubt, consoles him.  Meanwhile, Geddes won’t be a money drain on my mother with my cut hours and I can go back to more diligent parenting of the kids.  Costco hired back 11 employees, but I wasn’t one of them.  Ah well, maybe next season.

And before you think things have improved financially for me let me shed some light on that.  I lost the extra data entry job for the Minnesota properties as they changed ownership of them.  I didn’t get to keep the extra income of the Costco job, although I may still keep trying for it.  And my hours at Geddes was reduced to a salary of $2000 a month…  leaving me in EXACTLY the same financial shoes as I started with the addition of legal debt.

Was it worth it?  Yes.   I’d been a doormat for my Ex over his disregard for the terms in the divorce agreement for far too long.  If I didn’t take a stand,  irregardless of how his hatred of me hurt our children (which is what stopped me in the past) he would have just continued.    Now, if I’d taken the cut throat lawyer I’d first interviewed at the start of my divorce… I’d probably have a little more legal debt, but I’d have a share of his pension and child support from the beginning 4 years ago.   I remember that lawyers’ words when I decided not to use a lawyer in the divorce… “Good luck with your Kumbiya divorce”.

I kind of wish I’d factored more long term then… but I’m glad I didn’t hesitate this time.

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