My Sister & Cars

Posted on December 18, 2009 by Heather

My sister is 5 years younger than I and while that’s not much now that we’re both in our 40’s it has always seemed to add to our differences.  She is, in many ways, my opposite.  She’s blond with hazel eyes and has always been thinner than I.  Straight, thin hair to my full waviness (got her beat there… better hair!).  She was much more into being social when we were growing up than I ever was.

Yes, hard as it may be to believe NOW, I was much more of an introverted, quiet personality during high school.  Oh stop laughing!

Anyway, she was the pretty, social queen.. never able to commit to an activity in case something better came up.  And always late as she spent hours primping herself into perfection.

For all our differences we still love each other a lot.  And those differences widen as we age and make different choices in our lives.  We always told her she’d have to marry a doctor as it would be the only man able to keep her in the style she wanted.  Sure enough she married a money making specialist smart enough to earn his credentials in the navy… but caveat to that… he’s a great guy and surfs so he’s perfect for her!  Of course with wealth comes Republicanism and sure enough they turned to the dark side of politics… sigh.

But to this day one of my favorite stories about my sister which defines her in so many ways was the day my mother asked us to meet her new boyfriend and his friends for dinner.

We’d gathered for drinks at their hotel in the Valley and then were going to carpool to a restaurant off the coast.  The entire time my sister told us over and over again (with every new person we met) that she was going to take her own car (VW Bug)to dinner so she could visit friends in Long Beach… blah, blah, blah.

Everyone socialized for about an hour and then we all walked to the valet and loaded into a car.  About 10 minutes into the drive I realized my sister was in the front seat and remembered her plans.

“Erin, weren’t you going to take your own car?” I asked her.  This was her classic reply.

“Oh!  Yea!  Damnit!  I just… saw a Mercedes and I just got in!”

We razzed  her for a good 20 minutes… “This happen to you a lot?”  “Thank God it was OUR Mercedes and not some strangers!” “Wow.. what do you do when you see a Rolls!”

It was a classic Erin situation…. over-booking herself in a determination to guarantee maximum enjoyment out of every evening and messing it up in her natural ADHD distraction.

To really understand her screw up… this was BEFORE everyone had cell phones!

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The Desired Effect on Men

Posted on December 17, 2009 by Heather

I love my radio station.   I get to hear music I’ve never heard before.  Music with a strong beat and wonderful lyrics.  Then I can pull up the music video and see the energy of the band.

This particular song called Paralyzer by Finger Eleven expresses a wonderful effect women hope to achieve in men.  The lyrics go like this.

Well, I’m not paralyzed/ but I seem to be struck by you/ I want to make you move/ because you’re standing still. If your body matches/  what your eyes can do/ you’ll probably move right through/  me on my way to you.

http://www.987fm.com/mediaplayer/?station=KYSR-FM&action=music&item=7051

So change your walk ladies.. to a slow, sexy saunter and see if you can have that effect on the men around you.  Of course, the smile helps too!

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Slap her Ass

Posted on December 16, 2009 by Heather

Some women hate this and some women don’t.  I fall into the like it category.  For a couple of reasons.

I enjoy it when a man looks at me and his base nature takes over.  It pleases me to have that affect on a man.  Yes… yes, some of you find that odd about me but luckily you’ve all learned to accept (or at least roll your eyes at)  my eccentricities!

But there may be another reason men slap your ass… especially during sex.  If it’s done juuuussst right it gets the most wonderful response from you.  Too light and it’s annoying as it takes you out of the mood.  Too hard and it TAKES YOU OUT OF THE MOOD!    But just right and its pleasurable, exciting and makes you clench him in a way he might not be anticipating!

So they may need to practice on your ass when its covered in jeans so they can get the right angle!

I’m just saying….

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Comedy and Dating

Posted on December 14, 2009 by Heather

I’ve often thought at some time in my life I might seriously pursue trying my hand at Stand Up.  I’ve joked with my friends I’d do it when my kids were teens just to torment them.  But the online dating site has given me soooo many cute little stories, most of which are funny.  And I contemplated the idea of doing an Amateur Hour some evening.

I mentioned it in a passing chat with one of the men I’ve been talking to and he enthusiastically proclaimed he’d be in the front row, clapping loudly.  I giggled at his transparent motives to entice me into his bed…. but my practical side said, “You know…. you could probably pack a few tables of men who want to sleep with you.  He who claps the loudest….”

That’s a new low even for me!  Whoring for laughs!  Crap… what if its a tie!

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The Definition of FWB

Posted on December 12, 2009 by Heather

One of the questions I’m often asked (and forgot to fill in on my online dating profile) is what I’m looking for on my little adventure.   Yes, everyone assumes I’m looking for sex and that is a large part of the equation but only about 25% of it.  What I’m really looking for is called FWB… Friends With Benefits.

Now that is a nicely vague definition of a lover isn’t it!  But as I started to play in this new pool I began to get a better idea of what I was looking for.  And first off I’ll explain why I’m looking for more than one.

No, I’m not being greedy!  Or gluttonous!  I’m protecting them and myself from drama.  I know me (and often women in general here) and I can get just as easily attached to any man as a woman can.  Even holding them at a distance or using logic… it won’t really matter.  You’re brain will spend its quiet moments thinking about him and wondering what he’s doing.  When are you going to get to see him again.  Do you see the pitfall in this?

When he’s the only ONE you’re looking forward to seeing he becomes a natural direction for the attachment process.   Your body will say… “hey, when are we going to have fun again?”  and your brain will start to try to arrange that!  And if its not often and he “rocked it” then a woman’s brain will start to whine that question.

And before you know it… you are no longer the woman he found interesting.  Instead you’re a pre-girlfriend wanna-be.

I don’t like me when I turn into a pre-girlfriend wanna-be!   I like me when I’m just me.. not me with ridiculous expectations about “where this is going”.  I’d rather the comfortableness that it is “going” no where.  We’re just two people enjoying each others company.   To make sure I obtain that I plan on having several FWB’s to confuse the attachment process with lots of choices!

So people accuse me of having “attachment issues”.  Maybe, but perhaps your definition of attachment is different than mine.  This is what I’m looking for in a FWB.

Desire.   The desire to genuinely enjoy his company even out of bed.  The desire to cross the room and strip him naked as fast as I can.  The feeling of mutual respect between us.. me to him and knowing its there from him to me.  And top it all off with a little fondness and affection.

So I’m looking for my FWB = a  genuine male friend that lusts me and I lust back with equal force.    One down…. 6 or so to go!

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The Interesting People we Meet

Posted on December 11, 2009 by Heather

I met the most interesting person at my November conference.  She was running the show… and was the liaison between the conference center and everyone.  She had the most amazing presence.  She dominated in her walk and in everything she did.  Yet managed to make you feel that she was there for you, to make sure your experience was the best she could make it.

That is unusual for exhibitors at a conference.  We’re the ones paid to advertise to you, sell you stuff or just pitch all we can while you rush past us trying to get to your lecture or session.  And unless we pay extra for the lunch we don’t get any of the food the conference provided you for your paid enrollment (almost the same we paid to exhibit) so we’re often scavenging the leftovers when the crowds die down.  Needless to say we’re tolerated as a necessary evil.  Poor us.

But Nilda treated us with just as much respect as any attendee.  And when the conference center had booked a wedding which was going to spill out into the hallway where we were and they wanted to move us.  Nilda stepped in to make sure if they did that to us they moved us right back and didn’t move us until after the Exhibit break.

Aside from all that she was a fascinating woman.  She was on a softball team and it showed in her frame.  And she was in the Air Force, wondering about being a drill sergeant before family obligation pulled her out of service, and it showed in her stance and walk.

She was a proud woman and had earned the right to be that.  She demanded top performance of herself and those around her, but did it in a way that wasn’t mean or scary.  Not to say she wasn’t scary!  She had that hotel staff completely confused.  They couldn’t tell whether they did or didn’t like her!  She easily bonded to people because she instantly gave you respect and treated you as a valued person fully capable of the 100% she expected from you.   But she took no shit, told it like it was and refused to accept anything less than what she felt due her conference.

Ah… but you should see her smile.  As capable and confident as she comes across, she loves to smile and laugh at a good funny comment.  I gave her my observed opinion of her during one of our many conversations and I got to see the smile turn into a pleased blush.  Which she completely admitted to!  And her blush isn’t easy to see on her dark features.  But like Asian Mike at the post office, I can see it.  (Mike’s eyes completely disappear, when he blushes… and you know how I like to taunt a man until he’s speechless!  Pity Mike!)

Nilda will dominant any room and every situation she’s in, but for all that she’s like every one of us.  We love it when we’re seen, really seen, for more than just the surface of what we project.  I got the pleasure of sharing what I see of the woman Nilda and watch that smile deepen into her femininity.

So I made a new friend who found my humor funny and my opinions insightful.  When she found out I blogged, she went straight to the site.  So welcome to the blog, Nilda, everyone say Hi.

And I apologize for the delay in getting this posted… I been busy!


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Multi-tasking and Parenting

Posted on December 10, 2009 by Heather

I received a progress report on my youngest child’s social skills group.  (Hey!  Its free!)

Anyway so I usually just scan these things but I noticed it had a section of “Parent’s will do” and listed a bunch of things I’m expected to do at home to “facilitate” the socialization of my son.  I read them and realized these were all doable and he and his brother would probably enjoy doing it.  Board games, tell me stories while you STAND STILL you bouncing monkey!  Or stop and crouch down to his level when we’re having a conversation.

Then I realized… hell!  When am I going to find the time to do this!  Who do they think I am Jane Jetson!  My conversations with him usually consist of yelled questions and answers from across the house as we both multi-task.

He’s bouncing around the house, lost in his own thoughts, passing time spinning something bendy.  I’m doing soooo many other things!  I yell up at him, “Conor are you dressed yet?”  The pounding footsteps stop, “No, I got distracted!”  Which I expected so I yell, “Get dressed for school!”

When I chuckled over finding time  to talk to him face to face I suddenly had an epiphany.  What if my compulsive multi-tasking ability has created or at least added to his ADD tendencies.  (It’s a Mom thing… this blame ourselves stuff… but logic gets us both in and out of it!)  Never mind that ADHD runs in my side of the family and his older brother is the same way.  I’m suddenly worried that IF I’d played more, one on one with him, got on his level and talked to him more that he wouldn’t tend to get so bored and wander away from his peers when he’s supposed to be playing with them.

The only time I got on his eye level to talk to him was when I was trying to calm him down when he was pitching a fit.  Other than that, when any kid is talking to me, I’m usually doing something and answering them without glancing up once.  Of course, that does add to the “Mommy has super powers” myth we’ve been perpetuating with children since the dawn of time!  Really, its just good deduction skills but THEY don’t know that.  They come running into the kitchen where I’m cooking… “No food,” I state and they stare at me open-mouthed.  Duh!

Where was I?   Oh yeah, GUILT!

So I’ve resolved to play more board games with my youngest who seems to finally be at an age to enjoy it.  The middle one will be thrilled as he loves board games and so do I.   Ah.. but I wonder how thrilled they will all be when they can’t watch t.v. or play Wii on Board game day!

God its fun to be evil!

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Religions of the World

Posted on December 9, 2009 by Heather

I have this on my favorite t-shirt which I can’t wear for soon to be obvious reasons!

Taoism:    –     Shit Happens
Hare Krishna:      –     Shit Happens Rama Rama Ding Dong
Hinduism:     –    The Shit Happened Before
Islam:    –     If Shit Happens Take a Hostage
Zen:     –    What is The Sound of Shit Happening?
Buddhism:    –     When Shit Happens, Is It Really Shit?
Confusianism:    –    Confucius Say, “Shit Happens”.
7th Day Adventist:    –     Shit Happens On Saturdays
Protestantism:     –    Shit Won’t Happen If I Work Harder
Catholicism:    –     If Shit Happens, I Deserve It
Jehovah’s Witness:     –    Knock Knock, “Shit Happens”.
Atheism:     –    There is No Shit
Agnosticism:     –    I Don’t Know Whether Shit Happens
Unitarian:     –    What Is This Shit!
Mormon:     –    Shit Happens Again & Again & Again
Judaism:    –     Why Does This Shit Always Happen To Me?
Rastafarianism:     –    Let’s Smoke This Shit.

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The Selfless Lover

Posted on December 5, 2009 by Heather

I recently had a wonderful experience with a man who was a very selfless lover.  It was both interesting and irritating at the same time.   He was truly a “giver,” eager to bring out as many sighs, groans, & orgasms as possible from me.   I realized somewhere in the middle of all of it that he was getting deep satisfaction from my satisfaction.  And I knew exactly how he felt.

One  of my favorite parts of sex is when the male climaxes.  Sharing in his ultimate pleasure brings a certain joy to me.  It’s the whipped cream (wink) and maraschino cherry on top of the glorious sex.   Of course it was even more fun when this selfless lover climaxed and collapsed, practically passing out!  So at my mercy.

But through all his lovely and wonderful attentions there was a part of me that would have preferred at least some of the time to feel him take his pleasure FROM  me… not just give me pleasure.  And there is a subtle difference there.  When I realized my feelings I wondered at them, looked at it from all sides and what it said about me.  I speculated my love of touching and tasting a man is me being a ‘giver of pleasure’  and my desire for a dominant male is me wanting a man to “take” his pleasure from me.

And if I hadn’t experienced such a wonderful evening with such a selfless lover would I ever have learned this about myself?

Of course the real fun will be in convincing him to try it my way, next time!

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Desire

Posted on December 3, 2009 by Heather

As most know I’ve finally gotten that overwhelming itch scratched  😉  And I’ve been fascinated watching how long it lasts and the difference it makes day to day through the month.

Of course there are too many variable factors to  make any accurate assumptions permanently…  how sated was I…. how much mental adoration preceded it… how close or far was I from ovulation or menstruation.

But today was very interesting.  It’s been almost a week since I’d been languidly satisfied and I was just coming off the menstrual cycle (which actually thrilled one guy… yes, men are dogs… Good Puppy!)   Anyway, for the last days I haven’t had the overwhelming urges that have plagued me for months.   As enjoyable as they are (!) its distracting to be so obsessed with sex.

And then today as I was driving I could feel my libido wake up from her sated passed out state.  I know I’m due to ovulate Sunday and I know that’s when I’m at my peak of sexual desire, but it surprised me to feel the beginning of the process.

It was fascinating to feel my fingers itch to caress and touch… the thoughts running through my head of the body parts I wanted to enjoy and explore.  My libido brought up several fantasy scenarios and pictured many candidates for selection and I could feel my attention focus on that.  Felt it pull away from thoughts of work and kids and world building my next series or changing Cat to make her ready for publication.

And I knew today’s lunch date was going to get all that packed into a look as I frankly assessed him for a sexual encounter.  I’ve given that look accidentally to a casual acquaintance once and he followed me around for months hoping I’d take him to bed.

While all this was going on this morning, I felt a part of me separate from it, noticing it, observing it, chuckling over the hot writhing woman on the bed inside me as I assured her Friday was only a day away!

“But we’ll be in San Diego on Saturday,” she whined back, “A whole night wasted visiting the sister!”

Well, there’s always the online fun!

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