The Full Moon

Posted on December 2, 2009 by Heather

Yesterday I left at my usual time for the gym.  Crack of pre-dawn, 5 ‘F&!king’ 30 in the morning and was greeted by the most beautiful moon in the sky.   It hung there low on the horizon, slightly yellowed from the atmosphere with these whispy clouds draping themselves across and around it.  She was just breathtaking.

Whenever that happens I always get a rush of love for the cosmos/ fate/ God/ whatever you want to call it.  Because to me it’s sometimes such a rare site and I always have so little time to enjoy it that I pack all that appreciation into a few moment of admiration.

Most of us live in big city and most of us live very busy lives.  Its not like we’re out in the country and have the time to watch the moon slowly rise over the horizon, track across the night sky (yawn…. isn’t it done yet!) and set over another horizon.  When we catch the moon rising or falling or just sitting full in the sky it’s sometimes an event that we’re lucky to spot.

Because so many are missing it at that very moment, its important that we, those who’ve managed to be in the right place and look up at this right time, take the time to wrap that specialness that we’ve just got lucky around ourselves.   Those little gifts of “you are special” are as important to your well being as if you won a contest.  I like to think its the cosmos’ way of taping me on the shoulder and saying, “I like ya… brought you a present.”

Of course, I feel the same way when I notice a streetlight has blinked out.  Just the cosmos winking at me that I’m special.

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Thanksgiving

Posted on November 30, 2009 by Heather

I hope everyone had a good holiday this year.  I know a few of you were actually worried my holiday would be “very interesting” but rest assured all went well.

My brother’s family joined my family at my Mother’s for her usual tradition.  Her friend Dr. Laura and Laura’s son also joined us.  He’ll only attend Thanksgiving with his mother if she’s going to my mother’s house… well, because we ALL love the food!  Which, as usual, was exceptionally delicious.  And I even loved my sister-in-laws yam dish which last year I didn’t.

But this year so many things in my life are different and apparently the taste of my sister-in-laws yams were one of them!

The spouse had told my mother of my adventures on the dating site and after a short “I disapprove and request you NOT do the following..” lecture, less as my mother and more as my boss to her employee running her business, we’ve dropped the subject.   But she told my sister and apparently my brother.

I had told my sister and sister-in-law that we’d decided to have an open marriage but hadn’t told them “how” I was doing that.  So at first my sister sent me a long email with her “opinions” on commitment and marriage… all coming from her “love” for me.  Rest assured it was done lovingly but I’m just a completely different creature than she, always have been.  And she knows it so she says her peace and I say mine and we hug (as much as you can in an email!) each other because we’re sisters and love each  other but step back and look at the other with bemusement.

My sister was fine with that but her spouse had to weigh in after hearing of my “choice of adventuring” and expressed his opinion that it might drive my spouse to violent action.  So I got another concerned phone call on THAT!  Which just says she really doesn’t know the man I married, so I reassured her, told him and wondered JUST what I’d get from my brother at Thanksgiving!

Luckily it was a very easy going meal.  My sister-in-law had lost about the same amount of weight as I and she looked great so we mostly talked about that!   And my mother (probably purposefully) DIDN’T have us go around the table and talk about what we were thankful for!   I would’ve had to make something bland up!

So despite the lip hickey bruise, left by an over-zealous lunch date which I was sporting and hopefully no one noticed (I had no idea lips could do that!)  It was a wonderfully relaxing meal.  I’m so happy in my new life that nothing, just nothing, stresses me the way it used to.

I laughed in amusement when my mother called  me telling me she couldn’t find two items she could have sworn she bought and if I didn’t move them to some mysterious place would I mind going to Vons and picking up more.    “Sure,” I told her but then had a thought… “Have you checked your car?”   Sure enough there they were in a string bag looking like all the other string bags of stuff in her car… (the woman is completely ready for 2012!) …  1 can of jelled cranberry, 2 cans of Manderine oranges and a now bloated, ready to explode pint of half n half!

Ahh, Thanksgiving in L.A….

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Compliments

Posted on November 27, 2009 by Heather

One of the funnest parts of “My New Life” are the compliments.  (Hey… I did say, ONE OF!  Heehee)

Other than the obvious compliment of the number of men who find me interesting or attractive or well.. hopefully easy… are the shocked and pleased expression on the faces of the men I choose to meet when they see me.   Either they have had many, many moments of let down (which I gather is something of the norm on the site I’m playing on)  or they just don’t believe me when I tell them I’m not that easy to “capture” on film.

But who of us are… And its with that knowledge thMy Pix on my Profileat I study each pix I’m sent to see if maybe, just maybe.. he’s a crappy photography with his cell phone in his bathroom because its’ the only mirror big enough to try and ensure a somewhat decent shot!  Not everyone has a good friend who has an eye for lighting… or has figured out the webcam on her laptop!

Ironically we learned picture taking personally from a irritating nag at a party who kept telling us to hold the camera above our heads to get a shot angled downward.  Don’t you hate it when obnoxious people are right…. oh well, I benefited.

So I’m planning two blogs for the site I’m playing on (heretofor known as The Site).  One is advice for the newbie and one is my theories on the people who flake.    Amazingly I’ve only been on The Site for 4 weeks but its been a baptism of fire, let me tell you!

And I’ll tell you more in another blog.  This one is about lovely compliments and the best one I received just the other day.

It is an incredible compliment that men find me hot at 46 after 3 kids and even more of a compliment that they find me interesting and fun and want to spend more than just bedroom time with me.   Okay…. well, talk time in between bedroom time… let’s be honest!

Yet in a chat about motivations and situations one man told me that I have a gift for blending.  When I’m with a 40 year old, I’m 40… when I’m with a 30 year old, I’m 30 and when I’m with a 24 year old, I’m 24.  And I realized he is spot on.  I sat on my couch in amazement and looked at my past.  Friendships, relationships, family dynamics… I’m always tailoring myself to the situation.  The more a person finds me interesting and fascinating the more I find a person interesting and fascinating.  The more a person needs me the more I’m there for a person.  The more a person needs  space the more space I give them.

And it was wonderful to realize this about myself.  1.. What a cool thing to give a character!   2.. It explained so much about why I need an small audience when I start telling funny stories… really hard to tailor anything to the mass audience, no feedback.  And 3… it also explained why when I get feedback that someone finds me interesting I don’t have a problem making them a friend.  They obviously have great taste since I’m well aware I’m not a taste everyone enjoys.

Ahhh, but The Site is giving me a whole new playground for this.  I’ve met people who find me interesting and I don’t find them interesting.  So I’m not ruled by their feedback interest.  And I’ve met people who I got little feedback from regarding their interest and they surprised me when I called them on it by expressing it double.  AND I’ve gotten people who express much interest yet never follow thru on that.

I have learned to feel when a man is into me and when he’s not.  EVEN if he proves me wrong on initial meeting with a passionate kiss… its the follow through that is the real “tell”.    See even knowing how well I may “blend” with a person I’m still thoroughly and always me.

And lest any of you think I’m a pushover I’m also thoroughly and always…  very giving, slightly narcissistic and sometimes baffled by, but shrug it off, over the choices of others.  Which is par for the course since I often baffle others over my choices and motivations.

Ah but its what makes me unique…. and I’m rather proud that I’m different than every other cookie cut woman.

Of course you have to have serious chops to buck the norm happily and successfully without alienating all the norm… but I love the challenge of it.   Besides… I can usually win them over!

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Meeting Agents

Posted on November 22, 2009 by Heather

So at the GLAWS meeting (Greater LA Writers Society) yesterday they had 4 agents who specialize in different genre’s and  one of them was a small press that does my genre.  Shocking!  Erotic Romance..she said it to the whole room.  I almost danced.  But I should have known as Tony (the GLAWS President) told me he new a small publisher who specialized in my genre.

I paid very close attention to reasons she’d refuse novels for submission and her suggestions on how to make sure the agent you’re submitting to would be an appropriate match.   Its a little bit like the  online dating.  Who have they published already (who’re their “friends”), What are their guidelines (what are they “into”).  Then you start the process with an email or letter depending on their guidelines and wait to hear.  Lucky for the men emailing me I usually get to them pretty quickly… most publishers or agent can take up to 3-4 weeks to get back to you!

Most of the stuff I learned at the meeting I’d already read about when I was doing my research on how to find an agent.  (I took a newbie with me and she was just amazed and almost overwhelmed with the amount of information she got…and there was an agent who specialized in her genre!)

The interesting and worrisome bit of news I got was the opinions the agents had of the author’s platform.  They all agreed every writer should have a website but varied in what should be on it.  The consensus was if you’re going to blog, do it regularly, don’t do it for a month or two and then abandon the project AND keep it positive, no ranting.   They commented they hated to read an author’s personal angst and stress on their blog… it made for a bad platform.

So now I’m worried that I use the blog as a “dear diary” format.  I try to make every entry funny and entertaining because you guys are my “readers” in a way… my blog readers.  And most of you have read (or at least have in you’re possession!) my first book Cat.  And I’ve never been someone to keep excessively private what’s happening in my life… I  just change the names to protect the naughty… but I’m not ashamed of the things I choose to do and never really understood the motivation to hide a persons choices. 

Now I completely understand the “don’t ask, don’t tell” philosophy and don’t try to mix my personal life with work (TOO much!) but if someone finds me interesting enough to want to read my blog and read my book I don’t see a reason to pretend I’m not who I am. 

But you tell me, friends on the Internet, do I spill too much in this public forum?  Am I damaging my future hope of getting published by being so open about myself?  Should I tone it all down and just do cute, plain funny stories?  No more “naughty stuff”?

Ah.. but aren’t you dying to know… just dying to know, about my current “adventures”?    Hee hee hee.  Then again, I suppose I could just email you.  So if you’re reading this, give me your opinion in a comment.  I won’t post them if you ask me not to in the comment.  But I would like to know. 

Of course, if no one’s reading this I suppose it just doesn’t matter!!!

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Posture

Posted on November 20, 2009 by Heather

At the last conference I did a lot of just standing.  Usually I pull my stomach in when I stand but I realized when I did that I hunched.  NOT attractive.  So I tried a new thing.  I stuck my ass out… gave myself a little “back” if you will. 

Amazing!  My shoulders automatically straightened and I felt my stomach muscles tighten to support my torso.  I did it again and again at the conference and every time it felt good.  My lumbar arches automatically and trying to keep it tucked just made it ache.  This way my shoulders were back, my butt was, well SEEN since it disappeared when I lost my weight, and I was exercising my abs.

All those years of bad posture and my mother trying so hard to get me to “sit up straight” I was under the impression that I had to tuck my butt, suck my stomach in and throw my shoulders back.  I was soooo wrong!

So ladies that’s my tip of the day… give yourself some Booty!  Try it… it might surprise you.  OR… I could be completely crazy weird.  Both are possible!

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Touch Screen

Posted on November 18, 2009 by Heather

(singing) I… got a… new laptop… yea!  My old lap was slowly dying.  It was begging me to put it out of its misery.  It just couldn’t seem to start… it would try and try and maybe work or maybe not.  It got to the point I was just leaving it on in hopes it would stay up.  But that wasn’t going to work on a battery on a long day flight! 

So off to Costco I went!  Michael (my tech cub) assured me it was a perfectly fine place to by a laptop.  And I snagged a nicely built, good looking black male to help me understand the differences between the 3 HP’s Costco sells.  He apologized for sweating (he’d just finished unloading boxes in the warehouse) and I assured him with a hand on his (oh so firm) bicep that I quite understood!  Yes,  I’m bad… I’m very bad!

Anyway… back to the purchase.  I got a new, 4 lbs lighter, only slightly smaller and still includes a 10-key pad…a must for my work…laptop for only $699.00.  You heard me people!  Only $699 and I loooooove it!  And I’m proud to say I did all the data transfer myself with only one phone call to Michael to make sure I’d done it correctly.  I am the bomb!

 My mother grumbles… well as long as its not a touch screen.  Last Xmas she needed a new desktop and we got a very nice, top of the line, all in one touch screen one.  I work on it almost more than she does so I was thrilled with it.  The screen is huge and flat and there’s no separate console. 

But one night my mother set something up for printing on it and went to bed.  When she got up her print job was completely messed up and there was chaos on her screen.  Apparently a little tiny moth found the light from her screen very sexy.  It danced its way all over it!  Stuff was moved everywhere!

I suppose we’re lucky the Internet wasn’t up.  Lord knows what it would have purchased on eBay.

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Dating Update 2

Posted on November 17, 2009 by Heather

I’m so behind on blogging but I have the best, most wonderful excuse!  So wonderful most of you already know this already.  I wasn’t sure I could blog about this but I’ve been outed on it to family so might as well.  (Panic NOT… names have been  omited to protect the naughty…heehee)

 So I’m free to be single and as I cruised along on UrbanCougar.com I clicked on the link for the dating service advertised there…CougarConnection.com.  Eithne had finally taken some good pix with just this in mind and I was armed.  So I joined and filled out the profile.  Which was endless!  Question after question about preferences and lifestyle and goals, etc.  You know me, guys, I’m a compulsive completer!  But by 11p I had to call it quits and go to bed. 

I figured since I hadn’t completed it I would do it tomorrow, then see what the site had to offer, no rush.  Its not like I wasn’t going to take my time looking through the available choices, but I never got the chance.  To this day (almost 3 weeks later…hey I’ve been BUSY!) I’ve never had the chance to even figure out how to do that!

But that next morning, after setting up the profile…a Friday mind you…  I went online to the site and noticed I was actually on something called Passion.com.  I barely paid that any mind because I had 9 emails in my inbox.  Less than 9 hours since I’d posted my profile.  By the end of the day I had 15!  And its been a part-time job ever since!  I swear I need a secretary and flow charts!  Oh and graphs… I really need graphs!

But I can only blame myself.  The site has pre-written quick responses but they’re so impersonal.  I’ve been answering every email.  Because some of these guys you just want to pat on the head in sorrow and say, “I’m sorry… even WITH Viagra I’m not going to do ya, no matter what you SAY you’re going to do to me.”  Like that’s NEVER been done to me before!  And I believe in action more than words…. although the right words do things to me that sometimes action never does.

Mmmmmm…..Sorry… I got sidetracked by my imagination… she’s been on OVERload! 

I spent that first week answering emails and sorting the lovely requests to meet into categories of Yes, No, Maybe Later and Where’s your picture.  I’ve since added one called Deciding, where I put those ones I just can’t decide on.   And I started scheduling lunch dates.  Last week I met 6 men had 1 no show (Oh and you know me.. Ms. efficient slipped a back up into his slot!) and 2 cancellations (by then I was thankful I had the extra time!) 

And these were very, very nice men.  I did not sleep with them….. all. (hee hee) But I did finally get my itch scratched very, very well.   I made sure I checked all freezer’s for serial killer trophy heads and I’m happy to report, found none.  So you can all stop panicking!

This week I’ve learned from the no show and I’m confirming all lunch dates.  Those that don’t confirm get cancelled because there are other men to meet. 

Note to all though.  To reassure my girls and friends.  I’m picky on who I’ll sleep with so I’m not running just any train through the station.  But I want more than one Friend With Benefits so I don’t get attached.  Every man wants to be special and every woman does also but sometimes its just not practical.  And for my current life, its not.  And the only way to tell if this person I really, really get along with well, will work, is to test him in the bedroom.  Before that there must be chemistry. And to see if there is any chemistry…. I gotta meet them first. 

Besides there are only so many Friday and Saturday nights!  I can meet 5 men a week but only sleep with 2 on the weekends.  There’s a lot of men waiting!   And whats surprising is the ones you didn’t think you hit it well with, hit it out of the park in the bedroom.  So sometimes there is no judging. 

With all that said…. I do have my favorites… oh yes.. my favorites. 8)

 

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Dominance

Posted on November 15, 2009 by Heather

For those of you who have read Cat or have spent time discussing sex with me, you know my own personal fantasies involve dominant males in sex.   I look back on my dating/sexual history trying to find instances where I’ve had sex with dominant men.  I came up with a blank.

And I wondered about that.  Was I too dominant myself to allow the male to “rise” to the occasion?  Was I not into dominant males back then?  Was I more about proving to the male I was good in bed than asking for my own fantasy?  Did I know or have fantasies back then?

Wait… wait, its coming back to me.  Yes I had fantasies but they were about love.  Now my fantasies are just about sex.  But why the fantasy of sex in a dominant situation?  After all… that can be dangerous if not done with the right person.  Many males assume dominant means aggressive or rough, macho with the “cook me dinner, woman” attitude.   (Screw that, I say, cook me breakfast!)

So in analyzing myself (and you know people, I’m always analyzing myself…. I’m my favorite subject… no, sex is my favorite subject… okay me and sex are my favorite subjects…. wait… what was I talking about?  Oh yes, NOW I remember.)  I began to analyze my dominant fantasy scenes and I realized it was giving me more than orgasms, it was giving me a level of emotional satisfaction.  (Fascinating… says Spock.. or if you watch The Big Bang Theory…Fascinating, says Sheldon.)

I AM a dominant female.  I can easily dominate a sexual situation and I thoroughly enjoy seducing another individual.  I am also excessively competent and in charge, every day of my life.  Which is why letting go completely to a male in charge brings a sigh of pleasure to my lips.  The fantasy of not making a single decision in a seduction and not knowing what will happen next is enticing.

Of course you have to have the right dominant male, one who does it with strength and not fear, a seduction not a rape.   And it has been suggested to me that the Cougars won’t find that in the young 22 year olds.  That this is something that comes to a male with age and confidence.  Of course, that opinion came from a male over his 40’s!

I guess I’ll just have to do a little “research”….

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Sweet Potato Chips

Posted on November 13, 2009 by Heather

Its a quickie today because I’m just swamped.  And for all I know I’ve already blogged this!  I can’t remember…I’ve been doing this daily for months… MONTHS!!  God help me if I continue this for years… (eyes crossing)

Anyway… so a lot of people have different recipes for sweet potatoes and a lot of people do sweet potato fries.  I do chips.  Because when they ask, “what’s for dinner” … I tell them, “SWEET” (pause) potato chips.  Since chips are a rare commodity in  my house… they buy it every time.  And they love them.

So…. peel said sweet potato.  Zap it in the microwave until it’s squeezably soft (about 6-8 min)  Then slice into rounds, i.e. chips.  About a quarter inch wide, if even that.  Thicker they are the more sweet potato taste… so slice to your preference.

Now these slices are hot and moist (I swear…this is NOT a sex blog!) and you lay them out to sprinkle salt and garlic powder on them.  In very hot oil, you put them salted side down and salt & garlic powder the other side.

And you cook them until they’re black on both sides.  My kids love them and they get their dose of charcoal food plus some nutrition.  And, my god its easy. 

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Ride your Ride

Posted on November 12, 2009 by Heather

I met a man on the plane the other day.  Oh stop laughing at me!  This time it was assigned seating and I had no choice but to sit next to this good looking young (28) man and immediately start talking to him… who turned out to be, of course, another Aries.  Fate brings me who she wants and (drool) who am I to question her choices or methods!  Now, where was I…

Ah, yes.  He was amazingly confident in a way I hadn’t seen in a while.  He was perceptive, like me, and spent a lot of time observing and knowing other people.  We talked for about 3 of the 5 hours on the flight and it was a meeting of opinions instead of a meeting of attraction.  Not that there wasn’t attraction.. hello people.. this is ME I’m talking about.  But he was in a relationship he felt was going to lead to marriage (though sorely tempted since she’s been away for weeks. Ha!) and frankly he looked and felt a little too much like my brother.  And this little minion is done tempting the “taken” to the dark side.

He was fascinated by my adventures online and we discussed a lot about relationships and sex and dating.  The whole conversation started when I began talking about how much I love takeoff.  “I’m a speed junky,” I told him and he grins, says, “Me too” and shows me a picture of his sports bike.  Oh, such a sexy machine!  In the many subjects we bounced around on, telling stories from our lives as examples, he admitted he liked to find/use/keep in mind nuggets of lessons learned as catch phrases.  His favorite was “You gotta ride your ride”

He was referring at first to motorcycles and there are two sides to it.  You gotta RIDE your ride… meaning you need to know your machine and ride it within the limits of knowing yourself and your level of skill.  And you GOTTA ride your ride..  meaning if motorcycle riding is your joy… you gotta ride.  Basically its Live your life but know your life well enough to really live it safely.  Don’t go overboard and don’t just flow with the flood.

He (and I wisely never got his name, although who wants to  place money down it was David!!!) reminded me a lot of my brother before my brother found God.  And it made me realize just how much I miss the man my brother was.  Not that he’s not a bad guy now… to him he’d tell you “I grew up” but to me he left a wonderful part of himself behind.  He’s riding his ride, but its a Christian Suburban and not a ganja-hazed bike, like it was. 

My brother used to be the most accepting man I’d ever new.  He felt if he was to expect you to respect his lifestyle choices he should reciprocate first and respect yours.  Do what you want dude, its your ride… to put it into a nutshell.

I’ve always admired and so adopted that philosophy.  So I’ll Ride my Ride.

Oh, btw.. is anyone shocked that by the time that plane ride ended  my fellow Aries was seriously reconsidering marriage over my philosophy that some people are just NOT meant to be monogamous?  Poly-amorous strikes again!

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